Silent tears
by A Proud Freak
Summary: Isabella and Edward are forced into a marraige in 1918. They havn't met each other but, they both know the marraige is not going to work. Because of a tragic accident they both think the other one is dead. But after a century their paths reunite again.
1. worst nightmare

I woke up with a jump. My mother Renee was standing kicking my bed. Her eyes were narrowed and her hands were on her hips. She looked angry

"Go away" I moaned and turned to the other side

"Isabella Marie Swan if you don't get up in 1 minute I am going to pour ice water on you face!" my mother yelled and kicked me again

"Go away!" I moaned again.

"Isabella! Get up this instant! You are getting married today!" My mother shouted and I shot up straight.

Today? Married? Me? What? These entire questions ranged through my head. I stared at my mother for a while wondering what she was saying. After a while everything started to make sense. Today, I Isabella Marie Swan was going to be married to a guy who I hadn't even met yet. My eyes started to tear up and my mind went blank. I didn't want to get married today. I didn't want to marry some guy who I don't even know. I didn't want my marriage to be arranged. I had wanted to have a love marriage. My mother noticed the tears that had spilled from my eyes; she stopped kicking my bed and sat next to me. She put her hands on my face and wiped away the tears.

"Oh Bella. Please don't cry. Everything is going to be alright. Trust me!" my mother tried to sooth me but, that only brought more tears.

"Bella sweetie why are you crying?" my mother asked. Her eyes were concerned

"I-I don't w-want to get m-married to day to a man w-who I don't even know" I told my mother between my sobs

"Oh Bella. Don't worry, everything will work out. I know that you do not want to have your marriage arranged but, it will work out" My mother said

"W-what if it does not?" I asked my mother. My eyes were still watery

"It will Bella dear. Look at your father and I, years ago I did not wish to be married to him but, now I cannot live without him" My mother said.

"B-But I'm so young" I whispered.

"Bella 16 is not a young age to get married" My mother said

"Is to!" I said. My eyes had stopped watering

"Bella I was married to your father at the age of 15 and I had you at the age of 16" my mother said

"I don't wish to be married and I do not wish to be a mother" I told my mother. I heard her gasp.

"Don't you ever say that again! This is to stay between you and me!" My mother said harshly. When she saw the tears that were welling up in my eyes again she soften her tone.

"Bella your husband will expect you to produce him an heir in less than a year. You will have to obey what he says" my mother said. I cringed away from her

I so didn't want to hear my mom tell me that my future husband will expect me to sex with him. I don't care if he does, I will not have sex with him!

"It may be tonight Isabella. Your husband will expect it from you" my mother said. I cringed again.

"I do not wish to talk about that" I told my mom. I saw my mother sighed.

"As you wish. Now you better take that lazy butt of yours and get out of bed" My mother said. I wiped away the tears that were still on my cheeks and got up.

My mother took my hand and led me towards the bathroom with the big mirror. I looked at the counter in the bathroom. It was filled with beauty products. I sighed; this was going to be a long day. I sat down lazily on a low chair as my mother worked on my face.

"What time is the wedding?" I asked my mother

"6:00 in the evening" my mother said as she sprayed something on my face. I closed my eyes and let her do whatever she wanted to do.

My eyes started to sting again. I so didn't want to get married today. I didn't want to get married to a guy who I didn't even know. My future husband would probably be a fat tiny man who sat in bed all day and had everything served to him. He probably didn't even work and got his money from his father. I couldn't live with a man like that. My life was going to be ruined today I thought to myself. Why had I agreed to marry him? Well, my mother said that it will bring me more happiness but, I knew the real truth. My mother wanted more money and my future husband's family was incredibly wealthy. My mom loved me, I knew that but, I also knew that she wanted more money and so she decided to marry me off and ruin my life. I felt guilty about what I had just said and apologized to my mother in my head. I sat there for god knows how much time and then decided to sleep. I was soundly asleep when my mother nudged me. My eyes shot open

"You are done honey. You need to put on your wedding dress" my mother said. I sleepily rubbed my eyes

"What time is it?" I asked

"It's five a clock. The wedding starts in an hour" my mother said and my heart stopped beating. Only one more hour of freedom and then I'll be a Mrs.

"Come on" my mother said and then tugged at my arm impatiently. I followed my mother to her room. I felt awkward as I walked; it felt like I was a stranger in my own home. My mother ran to her closet when she reached her room.

I sat down on my mother's bed as I watched her fish into her closet looking for my wedding dress (pic on profile!). My mother suddenly squealed. She ran to me with a huge box in her hands.

"You can look at it only when you're wearing it!" my mother said. She made me close my eyes as she undressed me and put the wedding dress on me.

"Can I open my eyes now?" I asked

"Yes!" my mother said. I slowly opened my eyes'. I was afraid of what I'll look.

My mouth dropped open when I saw myself in the mirror. My hair was pulled up in a bun with some loose strands. My cheeks were painted a light pink; my chocolate eyes looked bigger and somehow browner than the last time I had looked at them. My eyes were framed with thick brown lashes. My lips were the darkest shade of red and they went nicely with my skin. And then there was my wedding dress.

My wedding dress was a light shade of golden that almost looked white. The dress was huge! There was so much fabric sewn into the dress. The dress had a sweetheart neckline and the straps were made of golden flowers. In the middle of the dress there were two lines of flowers that went the opposite ways. I looked decent enough for the wedding but, I felt overdressed

"So do you like it?" mo mother asked me. Her blue eyes twinkling with happiness

"Yeah but, uh isn't this to fancy. I um don't want to stand out" I told my mom. My mother rolled her eyes

"Bella this is your wedding. You have to stand out. And honey, you look breathtaking" my mother said while she smiled.

"Uh thanks" I told her lamely. My mother rolled her eyes again and then took my hand.

"Come on Bella. It's time" my mother said as she tugged at my hand. I nodded and followed her. My mother stopped near the staircase.

"Charlie!" My mother called out and in an instant my father was standing at the end of the staircase

I swear I heard him gasp. His eyes lingered on my face and I could see several emotions pass through his face; sorrow, dazzled, happy, sad, confused. My father quickly composed his face. One of things I love about my father, he didn't like to express his feeling. My father and I were so much alike. I loved dad and I knew that he loved me but, I had never told him that. I just felt awkward expressing my love. My father and I grinned at each other for several moments until my mother broke the silence.

"Come one Bella" my mother said as she walked down the stairs. I followed her.

When I reached the end my father offered me his hand. I took it and we both made our way towards the carriage. My mother decided to ride with her friend in the second carriage; I stared out the window as we drove to the church.

"Isabella?" my father said. I turned around to look at him.

"Isabella I-I am going to miss you" my father choked out.

"I'm not g-good with this kind of stuff-" my father struggled for words. I cut him off

"I love you" I told him for the first time in 16 years. I saw my father relax and smile

"I love you too" he said. We both smiled at each other and let a comfortable silence fall between us.

I continued to stare out the window. That's when I saw the church approaching. Suddenly it hit me; I was going to get married in less than an hour. The thought made me dizzy, I hadn't wanted to get married so young. I had wanted to be a writer and travel around the world. This was not at all what I had planned for. My life seemed to be falling apart.

Everything was a daze after that thought. It seemed just after a minute I was standing outside the church with my father and my bridesmaid Marie, who was also my best friend.

"Bella" she said and shook my hand. I didn't reply.

"Bella?" she said again. I still didn't reply

"Bella!" she said.

"What?" I snapped. I noticed her look at me in shock

"Sorry. I did not mean to snap like that" I apologize.

"It is fine. It is time for us to make our entrance" Marie told me and then squeezed my hand. I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Come on bells. It's show time" my father whispered in my ear. I opened my eyes and nodded faintly.

I saw Marie smile at me one last time and then she disappeared into the church. My heart started to beat faster, this was going to be a disaster.

"Don't let me fall" I hissed to my father

"Done" he said and held my arm tightly around his.

With shaky legs I entered the church and gasped at what I saw.


	2. hated world

**me: i own twilight!**

**Alice: no you dont**

**me: OME (oh my Edward) it's Alice Cullen!**

**Alice: yup. hey!**

**me: can you give me Edward's phone number?**

**Alice: only if you admit you dont own Twilight**

**me: fine....i dont own twilight. now will you give me his number?**

**Alice: sorry. gotta go!**

**me: noooooo!! come back!!! *breaks down crying***

* * *

Standing on the platform was the most handsome man I had ever seen in my life. He had dark green eyes that were looking straight at me. his hair was a weird bronze color. He had a strong jaw line that every man wanted. He was perfect in every way. Suddenly it hit me- the man was Edward, my future husband. The thought made me faint. How can I marry this handsome boy? Why couldn't my mom have picked a less attractive boy for me to marry? This man is a perfect male species. I couldn't even look at him, his eyes were so green. Luckily I hadn't stopped walking while I was thinking about all this. My dad released my hand; I looked up to see we had already reached the platform. I walked up the alter with shaky legs.

Edward didn't even notice me. He was staring straight ahead even when he slipped the diamond ring on my finger. I stared at him. He was at least a foot taller than me, with a muscular body. I didn't know why but, the way he stared straight ahead made me think that he was angry. My legs were shaking so hard, it was a wonder I could still stand

"Does anybody object to this marriage?" the priest asked.

Somebody please say yes, somebody please say yes, somebody please say yes but, the whole church was silent. I couldn't hear anything.

"Very well. Do you Edward Anthony Masen take Isabella Marie swan to be your lawfully wedded wife?" the priest asked.

Suddenly, Edward looked at me. His piercing green eyes were angry. He looked like he wanted to punch something or rather someone. A small shiver ran down my spine. Edward stared at me for a moment.

"I do" Edward said in a clear, smooth, loud voice.

"And do you Isabella Marie Swan take Edward Anthony Masen to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The priest asked me.

"I d-do" I said stammered softy

"I know pronounce you man and wife! You may kiss the bride" The priest said.

I froze again. I knew this was ought to happen but, I had been so busy with all the other problems I hadn't thought about the kiss. Edward finally looked at me. We both stood there staring at each other for several moments. Mummers burst out from the audience as they saw Edward and I just staring at each other. I wanted to kill myself right now. This was so humiliating, I was sure I looked like a tomato right now. Oh just kiss me already! I told Edward in my head. I know you hate me but, let's get this over with! The priest cleared his throat.

"I know now pronounce you husband and wife. You MAY kiss the bride now" The priest said again. I could see him sweating.

Suddenly, Edward leaned down and kissed me on my lips. The kiss lasted for about 1 second and then it was over. His lips had barely brushed mine. The crowd burst into applause. I blushed harder.

Suddenly, a lady pulled me into a big hug. When she released me I saw that she had the strange bronze colored hair. She could only be Edward's mom

"Oh Bella! I'm so happy! I had been waiting for this day for a long time now!" Mrs. Masen said. I smiled at her politely.

"And you look so beautiful tonight dear" she said as she pulled me into another hug

"Thank you Mrs. Masen" I told her

"Please call me Elizabeth" she said and then smiled hugely

"Elizabeth it is" I said as I smiled at her. Suddenly I was pulled into another hug

"Oh sweetie! I can't believe you're married! You aren't my little Bells anymore. Now you won't need me" My mother said. Her face was streaked with tears.

"Mom I'll always need you" I told her, she laughed through her tears and kissed me on my forehead. She then started to talk to Elizabeth

I saw a tall man walking towards me. He had the same bright green eyes as Edward. He gently put his arm around me. I could see where Edward got his eyes and tall frame from.

"Ah! My new daughter in law. You're as pretty as a flower!" Mr. Masen said.

"It's nice to meet you Mr. Masen" I told him while I smiled at him

"No, we will have none of that. You have to call me Anthony" he said and I smiled again.

"I'm going to go congratulate my boy Edward" Anthony said.

While my mother and my new mother in law were talking I looked around the room for any traces of Edward. I found none. I then looked around the room for my dad. I found him sitting in a chair. I made my way towards him but, people kept congratulating me and blocking m way. When I finally reached my father, I sat down next to him

"Hello" I told him

"Bella" he said as he looked at me

"Why aren't you with your husband?" he asked me. I shrugged

"I'm going to miss you" My father said. I smiled

"I'm going to miss you too" I told him.

"Promise me you will visit" he said. his eyes were getting watery

"I promise" I told him. I was about to hug him but, Elizabeth came running towards me

"Come on Bella. It's time to see your new home and then prepare for the ball" she said and took my hand.

She led me towards a carriage that was sitting in front of the church. I tried to get into the carriage but, my dress made it impossible. Suddenly, I saw a hand flash in front of me. I looked up to see that Edward was offering me his hand. I hesitated at first but, then took his hand. He helped me into the carriage and we both rode off.

I heard people cheering after we left. Edward didn't bother to make any conversation with me. Fine! If he doesn't want to talk then I won't talk either. I stared outside the window and prayed for the ride to end soon. Apparently my prayers were answered because soon the carriage stopped in front of a huge mansion. My jaw dropped, I had never seen a house this big. Edward again offered me his hand. I took it and we both walked towards the house.

"This is where you live?" I asked him.

"Yes" he said curtly, killing the chance of a small talk. Fine. Be that way. Don't talk to me.

I entered the huge mansion. It was a thousand times bigger than my old house. The house had 12 room 6 bathroom 4 living rooms and 2 kitchens. My old house had 3 rooms, 2 bathrooms, 1 living room and 1 kitchen. I really didn't like this house; it felt like I was living in a castle rather than a house. Suddenly, the door bust open and Elizabeth and Anthony stepped in. they both had huge smiles on their faces.

"Welcome to our house Bella" Elizabeth said as she walked towards me.

"This is where you and Edward will be living for a couple of years. After Edward turns 18, you will have your own house. I am sorry that you will have to share a house with us but, you can't own a house until you are 18 and you both are only 16 right now" Elizabeth said.

I was glad that I wouldn't be left alone in a house this big with only Edward. I was happy I would be able to spend time with Elizabeth, I liked her.

"It's okay. I am looking forward to spending time with you" I told her, smiling.

"Good. We have to get ready for the ball, dear" Elizabeth said as she tugged on my arm

"Come on. I will show you your room" Elizabeth said as she walked up the stairs. We walked and walked until we reached a room.

She opened it and I gasped. This room was even bigger that the living room! It was painted a soft golden color and had 2 pianos on both sides of the room. There was a humongous bed that was decorated with flowers. The whole room was decorated with flowers and candles. Elizabeth, seeing my expression smiled.

"This is Edward's room. Well, now it's yours too." She said as she opened the closet.

"Why the flowers?" I asked her quietly.

"Oh. The flowers. They're here to make the night more romantic. You know, because you will be having-" I cut her off

"I understand" I said quickly blushing like a tomato.

Elizabeth looked at me and smiled. She walked towards me with a bag in her hands and touched my cheeks. Her soft fingers traced the blush that had appeared on my cheeks.

"Don't be ashamed dear. If you do not wish to talk about it than that's fine" Elizabeth said. I blushed harder.

"Here is the dress that you will be wearing for the ball" she said and handed me a bag.

I opened the bag and found a dark blue dress. The dress reached the floor and was strapless. It had a sweetheart neckline and it was also dangerously low.

"Beautiful" Elizabeth said as she saw me in that dress.

"Doesn't this reveal too much skin?" I asked her.

"Nonsense. Girls your age wear dresses like this all the time" she said as she did something to my hair.

I sighed. Elizabeth worked on my face and my hair all over again. I just sat there and felt pathetic about my life. I knew that most arranged marriages were successful but, this marriage was going to be a disaster. It was clear to me that Edward hated me. He looked like an actor while I looked like a peasant girl. He was rich and I was poor. We had nothing in common, how was this going to work out? The thought brought tears in my eyes but, luckily none fell out. Edward and I were going to hate each other forever.

"You're done!" Elizabeth said. I opened my eyes and saw her smiling at me

"I'm going to go get ready! Wait here I'll be back in a minute!" Elizabeth said. She quickly kissed my cheek and rushed out the door.

Don't leave me! I wanted to shout but, I didn't. Instead I walked towards the big piano and sat down on the bench. It felt awkward. I had never ever played the piano but, I had always admired it. I had begged my mother for a piano when I was younger but, that wish hadn't come true. I gently touched a key. It made a beautiful tinkling sound. I touched another key, it made another sound. Soon I was touching random keys. I didn't care that I was playing it all wrong, It made me happy. Suddenly the door opened and I jumped up, startled by the noise

"What are you doing?" Edward asked me angrily. His eyes were flaming with anger. He looked frightening

"I-I'm sorry I was j-just looking at it-" he cut me off

"Don't touch my piano" he said and walked out the room.

Fresh tears ran down my eyes. They weren't sad tears but, they were angry tears, how dare he talk to me like this? how dare he talk to a lady like this? I wasn't going to try to make this marriage work anymore. If he didn't want to be nice to me then I won't either. I would never talk to him again.

I got up and held my head high. I didn't even look in the mirror before I left; I knew I would look ridiculous. Edward was going to regret marring me. He was going to regret even meeting me.

* * *

**hey you girls.....and boys if there are any, how's it going???? i just wanted to tell you to go **

**check out the new Eclipse trailer!! so go check it out! and make sure you comment!!!!**

**but- remember: keep your comments clean and to the point. peace be with you. mahi **


	3. wenchful wench

I stared straight ahead as I walked down the stairs. My head was held up high and my shoulders were straight. My eyes flickered towards Edward, who was standing at the end of the stairway, his face gave nothing away. He didn't look my revealing cleavage or anything. He just stared at my face; it looked like he was concentrating on something. It felt like I was staring at a statue. A beautiful perfect statue. When I reached the end of the staircase, Edward held out his arm for me. Yeah right! Like I was going to ever take his arm. I ignored him and started to walk. A little too fast. .

I could hear Edward's footsteps behind me. I started to walk faster, I was almost running. Stop! I told myself. I haven't done anything wrong. It's him, he's the one. I slowed down and started to walk again casually, I was almost out the door when suddenly a set of cold hands grabbed my wrist. My breath got caught in my throat and my heart started to beat faster.

"Where are you going?" Edward sweet melodious voice asked me. I swear I almost fainted. When I didn't answer, Edward started to speak again.

"The ball room is that way" he said. I felt stupid; of course they had a ball room. Edward released my wrist.

I turned around slowly to face Edward. He was standing right in front of me. He looked angry again. His green eyes were narrowed and his mouth was set in a tight line. He looked at me one more time and then started to walk the opposite side. I followed him quietly. When we reached the room, I saw the Elizabeth and Anthony were already there, checking everything. When Elizabeth saw me, she quickly walked towards me.

"You look beautiful dear. Now, you have to stand near the doorway with Edward and welcome our guests. Do you understand?" she asked me. I nodded

"Edward!" she called out. In an instant he was standing in front of us

"Stand with Bella near the door" she instructed. Edward nodded and stood near me. I looked like so ugly standing next to him.

I watched him closely as he watched the door. His green eyes were slightly drooping, like maybe he was sleepy. I had a sudden urge to run my fingers through his beautiful messy hair but, I didn't do anything except for curse him in my head. The guests were starting to arrive so; I rearranged my angry expression and planted a fake smile on my face. I greeted whoever passed by me with a smile and a hello. Most of the people commented me on my dress and congratulated me. When I looked to the right I saw, Marie standing on the doorway with her parents.

"Marie!" I said. Marie smile at me. Her eyes were sparkling

"Bella!" she said but, before she could do anything else other guests started to arrive.

"Meet me at the dinner table in an hour" I whispered. She nodded and started to walk behind her parents.

I sighed, Marie was my only friend and she lived 20 miles away from my new house. I wouldn't be able to talk to her as often as I had. While I was thinking, a beautiful blond girl appeared on the doorway. She had long blond hair that almost reached her butt with piercing blue eyes. She was wearing such a little dress; it made me embarrassed just to look at her. Her dress barely covered her chest and was so tiny I knew if she bent down you could see everything. I shivered at that thought but, no matter what she was beautiful. She smiled at Edward.

"Edward!" she squealed like a little kid. Unexpectedly, Edward laughed a beautiful laugh.

"Coral!" he said as she hugged him. It was obvious to me that he liked her.

"You look amazing as always" Edward said to her, grinning. Coral smiled some more.

"You don't look bad yourself" she said and then kissed him on the cheek. I stared blankly at the lipstick stain on Edward's cheek. Suddenly, Edward looked at me. His eyes changed from happiness to anger. I didn't flinch at the anger.

"Coral meet my wife Bella" he said darkly. His tone had completely changed. Coral looked at me, her bright blue eyes scanning me from my head to my toe. I felt so ugly next to her.

"Nice to meet you" she said simply.

She took my hand and shook it with a big smile. I nodded. I could see Edward staring at her with a small smile playing on his lips. My eyes flickered to Coral, she was still smiling at me in a nice way but, I didn't like her. She looked like a good person but, something about her made me want to slap her. She was so pretty it hurt to look at her. Her blue eyes were such a deep blue color it felt to me like I was swimming in them. I quickly recovered and looked away from her.

"Well, I'll see you later" I heard Edward say.

"Of course!" Coral said and moved forward. I hated that girl from the moment I saw her but, Edward seemed to really like her. Really really like her.

I greeted more people as they walked in. every once in a while my eyes would flicker to Edward. He usually had a thoughtful expression on his face but, sometimes he looked pained like something was killing him from the inside. While I was glaring at him my mother had somehow appeared in front of me

"Bella!" she screamed and pulled me into a hug. I awkwardly patted her back.

"You look beautiful and hello Edward!" she said and smiled at Edward. He smiled back.

"Hello Mrs. Swan. It's nice to see you again" he said. I wanted to scream right now. I really did. He acted perfectly fine with other people but, when he was with me it was a whole another world. Why was that? Why did he hate me?

"It's nice to see you too. I have to go see Elizabeth now but, I'll talk to you later!" my mother said. She kissed me on my forehead and hurried towards Elizabeth.

More people walked by the door and Edward and I kept on greeting them. There were so many people in the room but, somehow there was a lot more space. Finally, people stopped coming. I looked at Edward but, He wasn't even there. He was already standing next to Coral talking to her. Fine! I thought. be that way. I'll just go away. I walked round the room and looked for Marie. I found her sitting on the dinner table; I quietly sat next to her.

"Hey" I said

"Oh, hey" she said.

"I can't believe you're married" she said

"Me either" I muttered darkly

"What is he like? Edward I mean. He's so handsome!" she gushed. I stared at her blankly

"I don't like him" I told her. She looked shocked

"Why don't you?" she asked me

"Because I-I just don't. And he doesn't like me either. It's a mutual hate-hate relationship" I told her

"I'm sure that's not true" Marie said. There was doubt in her eyes

"It is! He just hates me from the moment he saw me. He never did talk to me and he's so angry all the time! I don't know what I did wrong! He just hates me!" I told her.

There were hot angry tears that were spilling from my eyes. I wiped them away with the back of my hand. Everybody loved Edward. Everybody thought he was polite, handsome, a totally gentlemen. Everybody loved him. I knew no body would believe me if I told them about him but, I had thought that my best friend would. But, I was Marie saw the tears every doubt in her eyes went away and she tried to sooth me

"I get it. I'm sorry!" she said as she hugged me

"I-I I don't even know why he hates me you k-know? he-he seems so h-happy talking to other people like Coral" I told her

"Who's Coral?" she asked me. So I told her about Coral. Marie looked disgusted when she heard about that

"Ugh! That's horrible! Your own husband likes another girl!" Marie said

"I know" I said miserably. My husband liked another girl. He probably will have an affair with her in the future, not that I cared. Well, maybe I cared, just a little. After all if he had an affair people would probably think badly of me.

"I know just the right thing to do!" Marie said. A big smile lit up her whole face

"You should talk to other guys! Try to make him jealous!" Marie said. I shook my head at her

"He wouldn't even care. It's not like he likes me or anything. He wouldn't even care if I talked to other men" I told her

"Let's just try. He should know that you can have a lot of fun without him. You don't need him, you can be just as happy with any other guy" Marie said

"Marie that will never w-"

"Let's just try, okay?" she asked

"Please?" she asked again. I sighed and nodded

This was going to be a very big disaster. Oh well, my life was already a disaster so it won't even count

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**please please comment but- **

**remember: keep your comments clean and to the point! peace be with you. mahi :)**


	4. first dance

**go check out the new clip from eclispe! im soooooooooooo excited =D**

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Maris's aqua eyes scanned the room. I sighed miserably and hunched over. I saw Edward dancing with that Coral girl. I felt like going up to them and slapping them both. I wasn't really a violent person but, something about the both of them made me want to slap them.

"I found him!" Marie said to me. I looked at her

"Who is it?" I asked her. She pointed to a guy with blond hair who was standing near us

"Who is he?" I asked her. She rolled her eyes at me

"go find out!" she said as she pushed me towards him.

Marie should have known better, I stumbled and was about to fall flat on my face when suddenly a pair of strong arms caught me. I sighed in relief and looked up to see the same blond guy smiling at me. he was very handsome. Is gray eyes landed on me

"I hope you're okay" he said as he smiled

"Y-Yeah I'm fine. Thanks" I said to him. He smiled again

"No problem. I'm James" he said and extended his hand for me to shake

"Bella" I told him as I shook his hand.

"Congratulation. For the marriage I mean" he said

"Uh thanks" I said.

"Would you mind if I asked you to dance?" he asked me

"Sure" I said.

He put his hand on my waist and I put my hands on his shoulder. We swayed from side to side for a while when suddenly James broke the silence.

"Why did you marry him?" he asked me. I looked at him in surprise

"What do you mean?" I asked him feeling confused

"It's obvious that you both don't like each other" he said as a matter of fact. I looked at him in utter shocked

"Well?" he asked. I shook my head

"Come on tell me" he begged.

"My parents made me" I whispered and looked away.

He lifted my chin so he could look at me clearly. I felt uncomfortable when he did that, it just didn't feel right. It felt wrong when he touched me. My mind kept on telling me to tell James to stop touching me but, I didn't say anything. I didn't want him to touch me; I wanted Edward to touch me. I mentally slapped myself for that thought. Edward is a pig, he doesn't deserve you, I kept telling myself. James eyes were looking at me in confusion.

"Why didn't you just say no?" he asked me. My chin was awfully close to his mouth

"Um I uh couldn't" I said while trying to turn my head but, it was impossible

"Why?" he asked me. My mind was racing, is he trying to kiss me? no I answered myself. No he isn't, he's just trying to be friendly maybe a little too friendly but, he wasn't trying to kiss me. He wouldn't do that, he's a good person and he knows I'm married. I relaxed a bit at that thought and answered him

"They really wanted me to marry him so I said yes" I said. I

Looked at him in the eye. His eyes flickered towards the other side of the room and then suddenly he released my chin. I sighed in relief. See? I told myself. He wasn't trying to kiss me!

"Can I cut you?" asked a velvety and musical voice. A voice that sounded too familiar.

I whipped my head around to see none other than Edward Cullen sanding in front of us with an angry expression on his face, what a surprise! I thought sourly. Edward was staring at us for a response. He looked so murderous it made me flinch.

"Of course" James said.

He smirked at Edward and then turned to me. He smiled at me with affection and bent down to kiss my cheek. I felt the blood rushing to my cheeks. I was sure I looked like a tomato right now. Edward glared at James as he left I glared at Edward. What was he trying to do? Couldn't he stand to see me having a little fun? Did he hate me that much? Edward turned to me. His eyes weren't angry for once instead they were almost normal. Without any warning he pulled me towards him and put his hands on my waist. I just stared at him.

"What are you doing?" I hissed.

"Mother made me do it" he said. I glared at him furiously. When the song ended he dropped him hands and looked at me. His green eyes were looking at me in a way that made me shiver

"You need something?" I asked him coldly. He ran his hand through his messy bronze hair

"You need to stay away from James" he said. I stared at him

"Why should I listen to you?" I asked him.

"Because I'm your husband" he said. I laughed

"Of course you are" I said sarcastically

"You don't understand. He is-" I cut him off

"Don't pretend like you care about me. You hate me and I know it so stop pretending you care about me" I said through clenched teeth. Edward started to say something but, then shook his head

"Do whatever you want" he said. He glared at me for a second and then left

I took a deep breath trying to control all the anger. i took shaky steps towards Marie. Her eyes were huge and I knew she heard everything I had said to Edward. I sat down next to her and sighed

"I'm going to be stuck with him for the rest of my life" I said. I squeezed my eyes shut hoping the tears won't fall from my eyes.

Marie patted my back and whispered soothing words but, I didn't even listen to her. No matter what she told me I knew that my life was hell nothing would ever be the same in my life. My life was tearing apart and there was nothing I could do about it now.

When it was time for dinner I followed my mother in law to my table and sat down in the middle. There were different tables for different people. There were tables for the young children, the teenagers, the elderly, the middle-aged people and the young people. That's where I sat, at the young people table. I was the first one to arrive at the table, no one was there. I sat down and looked around the room; I could see Marie shooting me concerned glances from another table. I ignored her and looked away. Suddenly a voice made me jump

"You must be Bella! Edward's new wife!" said a girl. I smiled politely.

She kept on babbling on and I kept on nodding and smiling. She was annoying so I stopped nodding and she soon got the hint. Other people started to arrive. They congratulated me and sat down. I waited for any familiar face, I found none. Soon, Edward and Coral joined us. I shot daggers at both of them but, I didn't think anybody noticed. I left so lonely at this moment, I had nobody to talk to but, that annoying girl who now by the way was talking to Coral. I hunched in my seat and stared at my hands. The chair next to me squeaked. I didn't look up to see who it was.

"Hey Bella" said a voice. I looked up to see James smiling at me. I smiled at him

"Hey!" I said cheerfully

"It's nice to see you again" he said. My smile got bigger

"You too!" I said

We both started to talk and I felt relieved. While we were talking something caught my eye, Edward was staring at us. He wasn't staring but, glaring at us or rather James. Coral was tugging on his shirt trying to get this attention but, his whole attention was on us. When he caught me looking at him he quickly looked away. coward. The rest of the evening was boring and uneventful. When the party ended I said bye to all our guests and thanked them for coming. When Jams left he softly kissed my cheek. I blushed and looked away. I again caught Edward staring at me. He looked away when he saw me.

When everyone had left both Edward and I made our way towards our room. He kept on glaring at him and I glared right back at him. I was not scared of him anymore. While Edward went into our room, I went to take a shower

I had nothing to worry about. Edward hated me, he most definitely didn't want to have sex with me then why was I so nervous? I got out of the shower shakily and put on my nightgown. I hoped Edward would already be asleep. Please god let him be asleep, I prayed. I tiptoed my way to our room and got in. Edward was sleeping on a mattress on the ground. I sighed in relief. I tiptoed my way towards the bed and collapsed on it. even though I was tired I didn't sleep for a while but, eventually darkness took over me.

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	5. mood changes

**soooo sorry for not uploading earlier! i promise it wont happen again! i was just busy finishing up my last story betrayed?**

**please check it out if you havent already! **

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My eyes fluttered open. I sat up feeling confused, where was I? Where was my cream colored room? Where was my ratty old desk? Why was I sleeping on a gold king sized bed? Suddenly, I remembered. I was sitting in Edward's room. I was sleeping on _HIS_ bed. I felt dizzy as I looked around the room. Edward wasn't sleeping on the matters, he was nowhere in sight. I took a deep breath and starts to walk towards the bathroom.

I took a long bath in Edward's fancy bathroom. I liked to take baths, I felt like I could hide from Edward's glare for a while. I sighed as I got out of the shower. I looked in the bathroom for my cloths, I didn't find them. Damn! I left them in the bedroom. I sighed again as I left the bathroom and stepped into the bedroom naked

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" I screamed.

Edward jumped up startled. He looked angry when he saw me but, then his anger turned to shock. He quickly turned around so he wouldn't see me naked. I ran to the closet and grabbed the first piece of cloth I could find. I then ran back to the bathroom

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Edward Masen had seen me naked! Edward freaking Masen! Tears gathered in my eyes as I sank to the floor. No man had ever seen me naked before, not even my own father! And now Edward had seen me naked! I felt so embarrassed as I cried. Thankfully my tears were silent, so _he_ couldn't hear them.

I knew Elizabeth would be wondering where was I. I wiped my tears away and looked in the mirror. My face was as pale as a ghost, my hair was tangled, and my eyes were red. I slashed some cold water on my face and brushed my hair away from my face

I took a shaky breath and knelt down to pick up the cloths that I had grabbed when I ran into the bathroom.

DAMN IT! The piece of cloth that I had grabbed turned out to be a baby pink dress! A baby pink color! My luck was going into vain the day I married Edward Masen. I put the dress on my body and tiptoed my way towards the door. I creaked the door open and peaked out outside, I didn't see Edward. I opened the door and ran to the closet. I grabbed a skirt and a top. I shakily put it on my body

After I was done dressing, I put my hair in a ponytail and headed towards the door.

"AAAAHHHHH!" I screamed again.

Edward was sitting right in front of the door. He jumped up when he heard my scream. His hands were on my mouth.

"You need to stop doing that!" he said looking annoyed. His hands were still on my mouth. I eyed his hand. When he still didn't let go, I bit his hand. Hard.

"AAHH!" Edward screamed this time.

He instantly took his hand away, I smiled smugly. Serves him right for seeing me naked and acting so mean to me. I could see a small bite mark on his hand. I felt bad, yeah he had been mean to me but, he didn't deserve to be bitten right?

"Sorry sorry sorry! I-I was I-" he cut me of

"Its fine." he said and then winced in pain

"Sorry! I-" I started to say but, he cut me off again

"I said its fine!" he said angrily. I flinched and looked away

We were both quite for a moment. I peaked a glance at Edward; he was staring right at me. I looked down.

"Why were you sitting right in front of the door?" I asked him.

"Mother wants us to eat breakfast. I didn't want to come into the room and…. Um see you naked again" he finished. I blushed scarlet

"Couldn't you have knocked?" I asked him angrily. He glared at me and shook his head

"Mother wants us to eat breakfast" he mumbled. I glared at him and followed him down the stairs.

Being Bella I tripped on the last step. Just as I was about to meet the floor a pair of strong arms caught me. I sighed in relief and looked up. Edward's expression surprised me, he almost looked… pained?

"Thank you" I mumbled. He nodded and looked away.

I followed him to what I think is the breakfast table. There was a big table in the middle of the room with lots of food. This room was bigger than my bedroom back home. Elizabeth and Anthony smiled when they saw us come in

"How are the newlyweds?" Anthony asked. Neither Edward nor I said anything.

"Please both of you sit!" Elizabeth commanded.

I sat there and ate their fancy food. I felt overwhelmed, back home I only had milk and a fruit for breakfast. These people had everything, they had bacon, sausage, milk, juice, fruits you name it. I lost my appetite and only nibbled on some bread.

"Aren't you hungry Bella?" Elizabeth asked me

"Huh? Oh no" I said.

"Anyways I heard some noise coming from your room in the morning" Elizabeth said and then smiled mischievously. I flinched

"Mother" Edward said in a strict tone. Elizabeth rolled her eyes

"Oh Edward" she said and then smiled again

"We have company for dinner today" she sang

"Who's coming over?" Edward asked

"Coral and her family" she said. Suddenly a smile lit up Edward's beautiful face. I scowled at my food

"And James and his family" Elizabeth finished. This time I smiled. I noticed Edward stiffen

"I have to go to the market today! Bella would you like to accompany me?" Elizabeth asked me. Edward was still frozen

"Um no thank you. I have some unpacking to do" I said. It wasn't a total lie

"Alright dear" Elizabeth said.

Anthony and Elizabeth left the room leaving only Edward and me. Edward was glaring at his food. It was a wonder his food didn't burn down. I sighed and got up. I was about to start walking when suddenly Edward spoke

"Where are you going?" he asked me. I looked at him in shock

"Upstairs. To unpack" I said. I felt better; it was as if Edward didn't hate me so much

"Don't unpack in _my_ room. Unpack in the guest room" he said coldly. My blood started to boil again

"Fine!" I snapped and angrily left the room

I stormed into Edward's room and grabbed my backpacks. I grabbed all my clothes from the closet and ran into the guest room. If he didn't want me to stay in his room then fine! I'll just stay in the guestroom. I unpacked some of my cloths but, soon got tired so I collapsed on the bed and slept.

I was sleeping peacefully when somebody shook me. I moaned. Somebody shook me again.

"What?" I snapped and opened my eyes.

A pair of deep green eyes stared back at me. His eyes were so bright I had to look away.

"Our guests for the dinner will arrive at any moment" Edward said and glanced around the room

"You don't have to stay here. You can come back in my room" he said. It was like somebody was forcing him to say it

"No. I like it here" I said coldly. He sighed in relief. i felt like hitting him right now. when Edward left the room i hurried to get dresses

I sighed and got ready. I was wearing a simple black dress with my hair loose. I sighed again as I walked down the stairs, when I reached down the stairs I saw Edward staring at me. When he saw me looking, he looked away. I sighed again.

"Hey Bella" James said from behind me. I whipped my head around to see him smiling down at me. I smiled warmly at him

"Hey James" I said while smiling

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**comment! and i'lllove you forever and ever :)**


	6. give me death

My eyes drifted back to Edward. He was glaring at James, I scowled at him. Couldn't he bear to see me happy? A rough hand touched my elbow; I looked up to see James staring at me.

"You seem angry" James commented. I shrugged

"What's wrong?" he asked me. I glanced at Edward

"Oh right. Edward." he said like he already knew. Just then Elizabeth came out of the dining room

"James! Pleasure to see you again!" she said as James kissed her hand.

"You too Elizabeth" he said

"Bella! Come in the dining room! I'll introduce you to James's and Coral's family" she said and led us to the dining room.

When we arrived, I could see two unfamiliar faces sitting in chairs. Elizabeth led me towards them.

"Bella, this is Corals mom Tia" Elizabeth said. Coral's mother looked nothing like her. She had straight black hair with brown eyes. She looked well old. She looked nothing like her daughter

"Hello" she said while she smiled. She gestured towards the man next to her.

"This is my husband Jim" she said. I glanced towards her husband. He was tall and muscular. He had dirty blond hair with gray eyes. He reminded me of someone.

"How do you do?" he said and shook my hand.

"Have we met before?" I blurted out. He smiled

"No. but, you have met my son James" he said. My eyes widened

"You're James's dad?" I asked him. He nodded

"But, aren't you Coral's dad?"I asked him. He shook his head

"Her step dad actually" oh! So coral and James were stepbrother and stepsister. I don't know why but, that bothered me

Coral was sitting on a chair with her hands folded on her lap. She smiled at us when we walked by. My glare got deeper.

"Edward! Bella!" she squealed and pulled both of us into a hug.

I froze and didn't hug her back. She looked hurt when she pulled away. I felt bad but, I didn't apologize. Coral looked at me in confusion and stared at the ground.

"So um how have you been?" Edward asked Coral. She looked p and smiled

"Good!" she said and started to talk to Edward.

I walked away and glared at them. I sat down on a chair and glared at the plate that was in front of me

"Why so angry?" James asked me. I shook my head at him

"Okay, if you don't want to talk about it then that's fine." he said. I felt guilty

"No I-I-" he cut me off

"Really" he said and smiled. I smiled back.

Just then the food arrived. I ate without really tasting anything, my thoughts and eyes were on Edward and coral. They were both sitting next to each other. They were smiling and laughing, Coral was playfully tugging at Edwards's hair. I felt a pang of jealousy, why did Edward smile at him and not me? Why did he talk to her and not me? No I thought to myself. You shouldn't feel this way I told myself. He's a pig he doesn't deserve you. I told myself again and again.

"Hey Bella? I want to ask you something" James said after we were done with dinner.

"Of course" I told him

"Do you want to take a walk with me?" he asked me.

I stayed silent for a moment. I didn't want to be alone with him, I really didn't. I felt uncomfortable being alone with him. I don't know why but, I just didn't like being alone with him. I glanced at Edward; he was smiling and talking to Coral. Fine, he can talk to Coral all he wants. I'II talks to James.

"Uh sure?" I said but, it came out more like a question

"Great let's go!" he said. I felt strange as I followed James out the house. Edward was still absorb in a conversation with Coral

I don't know why but, I didn't like being alone with James. Something about him made me wants to run away from him and hide under my bed. I liked James, don't get me wrong but, he was…strange. I felt uncomfortable being alone with him. I liked to talk to him but, being alone with him? Not so much. It was the way he looked at me sometimes, the way his dark gray eyes would follow me with….something I couldn't exactly explain.

"It's very hot" James said. His eyes followed my every move. His eyes fell on my cleavage.

"Um yes" I said and shifted uncomfortably

"Why don't you take off your petticoat?" he said

"Excuse me?" I said and backed up . James moved forward.

Suddenly, I hit the wall. I was so scared. James's eyes never left me. He came forward. His hand touched my cheek.

"What are you doing?" I asked horrified.

"What I should have done a long time ago" he said and pushed me against the wall. I screamed in horror.

"Shut up!" he commanded and ripped my dress. I screamed again. He hit me and told me to be quite.

"Please! Please! Please don't do this!" I begged him with tears running down my face. He pressed himself on me. His hands were on my thighs.

"Shut up" was all he said.

I screamed for someone to help me but, James hit me again. I tried to fight him off but, he was too strong. His hands were traveling up my thighs. I wept. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't do anything at all. He was going to rape me. He was going to rape me.

"P-Please" I begged. He hit me again. This time he banged my hand against my wall. I felt the blood oozing from my head. I could smell it. I was losing conscious. I sobbed and howled. I squeezed my eyes shut and hoped to die.

Suddenly, James was thrown away from me. There was blood everywhere. Everything was spinning. I couldn't even stand still, I had to sit down. Suddenly I saw him. Edward. He was fighting James. He was punching and kicking him. James was howling in pain, his hands on his head.

"A gentleman never touches a lady!" Edward snarled and kicked him.

"A gentleman never hits a lady!" Edward snarled and punched him.

He kicked and punched him. James was bleeding, there was blood everywhere. If I didn't stop Edward he would kill him.

"Edward" I said. I wanted my voice to be loud but, it came out as a whisper. I was feeling dizzy

"Edward!" I said. Suddenly, Edward froze. He turned his head towards me. His eyes were horrified, he looked frightening. In a second he was in front of me.

"Bella! Bella? Bella?" he asked. Everything was spinning now. I couldn't stand it.

"Don't" I whispered and then everything blacked out

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**oooooh! james is evil! crappy chapter i know but make sure you review!**


	7. regret for you

**the short secound life of bree tanner hits the bookshelves today! are u gonna read it?**

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My eyes flew open. I looked around the room in confusion, what was I doing in Edward's room? I was supposed to be in the guest room! I tried to get up but, my head started to spin in circles.

"Don't" said a soft velvety voice.

"Oh!" my hand flew to my heart in surprise.

Edward sat there. Looking more or less like a Greek god, his eyes were watching me with guard. It felt like to me that I was his puppy and he was my owner. He looked ready to murder anybody who came near me. Edward walked towards me, all the time looking at me. He stared at me with intense, was he waiting for something to happen? Suddenly, I noticed marks on his hands and face. He had a blood scrape on his forehead and his hands were battered and bruised.

"What happened?" I asked him in horror. Edward's eyes became more guarded.

"You don't remember?" he asked me slowly. Like he was scared of my reaction

"I no-" I stopped dead in my tracks.

James. James taking me for a walk. James attacking me. James hitting me. James trying to take my clothes off. James kissing me. All the horrific memories came back to me. James. James. James. His name got burned into my mind. A piercing scream filled the air; I was surprised to find out that it was mine.

"Bella? Bella?" Edward sounded anxious and alarmed

Tears sprang from my eyes and I started to sobbed. I felt dirty, how could he have done that to me? He didn't do it all the way since Edward had saved me but, how could a man do that? Did he have no respect at all? He had kissed me, I could still feel his disgusting lips on top of mine, I could still smell his nasty breath. He had touched me. I was sobbing harder now, howling even. It was getting hard for me to breath.

"Bella! Bella! Stop it! Stop crying! Bella?" Edward's anxious voice made me cry harder. If it wasn't for Edward I might have lost my virginity today.

"Please stop crying!" Edward said.

His eyes were pleading; I had never seen him like this before. I wanted to stop crying but, I couldn't stop. It was as if everything ounce of frustration and anger was building up and making me cry like this

"Please stop crying! What can I do to make you stop crying?" he asked. He looked scared now.

"w-water!" I gasped. It was getting hard for me to breathe.

In a second Edward was out of my site, he came back with a glass of water in his hand. I drank it greedily. My sobs became quite then, but I was still crying. Silent tears fell from my eyes.

I felt a strong hand on my arm; I whipped my head around to see Edward looking at me with a strange expression. He looked sympathetic and concerned. I didn't know why but, he made me feel secure, I collapsed into his arm. I sobbed into his shirt while he held me. I could feel the hard muscles of his stomach, I could feel him breathing. I listened to his heart, surprisingly it calmed me down. I was still crying but, not as hard as before.

"W-Where is h-he?" my voice shook.

"Don't worry about him, he's in jail" his voice was so soft, so gentle.

"H-he'll come b-back" I whispered and a sob left my throat. I felt Edward stiffen. His arms tightened around me

"He won't. I won't let him. I swear to god, if he touches you again I will kill him. I promise you, he will never touch you again" his voice sounded so strong, so determine.

"I won't let him touch you" he said again. My heart swelled up

"Was I- was I too late?" I could hear the hesitation in his voice.

"No y-you were r-right on t-time" I whispered. I felt him relax

"Sleep now Bella" he whispered into my hair.

I refused to sleep; I knew I'll have nightmares if I did. I refused to let my eye close. But, eventually darkness came over me. I slept- I slept in the cold arms of Edward Masen.

_My body shook hard; James came forwards a cruel smile playing on his lips. My back pressed to the wall. I was terrified; there were tears in my eyes. I was trembling so hard._

_"Bella, oh Bella. Who's going to save you know? Edward's not here" he said and came closer. I stared at him in horror._

_"Nobody can save you know. Nobody can. You'll be mine now" he said and laughed a cruel laugh_

_"What are you going to do know? He asked me. My whole body shook_

_"You'll be mine" he whispered as he touched me._

I woke up screaming. There were tears in my eyes; my body was covered in sweat.

"Bella!" Edward yelled. I was still screaming

"It's was just a dream! Calm down! Just a dream!" Edward said. He moved towards me, he put his hand on my arm.

"Shhh….it's okay, just a dream. Nothing will happen to you. Just a dream" Edward murmured in my hair as he rocked me back and forth.

I was almost sitting in his lap. I clinged to him, I never wanted to let go. He made me feel secure and safe. Edward kept on soothing me. I calmed down after a while. I was still sitting on his lap.

"What was the dream about?" Edward asked me softly. My lower lip trembled.

"James" I whispered. Edward stiffened.

"He. Will. Never. Touch. You. Again" he growled. I flinched at the tone. Edward took a deep breath.

"Look Bella, I know I haven't been particularly nice to you. I know I was acting like a total ass. This happened because of me, if I had acted nicer to you, you wouldn't have to go through this. if I had paid attention to you and told you not to go with him this wouldn't have happened. This happened because of me. I shouldn't have acted so mean, this is all my fault. I shouldn't have been so mean to you, I released all my anger I felt on you. I was angry, so angry at my parents for marrying me off, I released all my anger at you. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so mean to you. This happened because of me. I don't know what I can do to make it up to you. I should've never left you alone with that bastard. I am a monster" he said.

Edward was breathing hard. I realized something; he was blaming himself for all of this. He had saved me; if it wasn't for him horrible things would've happened.

"Stop it. Stop b-blaming yourself. It isn't y-your fault. If it wasn't f-for you he would've- he would've raped me. I owe you my life-" Edward cut me off

"Stop trying to make me feel better. Please. This happened because of me. I should've never been so mean to you but, I was so angry. If I hadn't been so mean to you none of this would've happened" Edward said.

I could hear the anger in his voice. He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. He looked so angry at himself. I wanted to comfort him, I wanted to tell him it wasn't his fault but, I knew if I said anything he would only get angrier. When he opened his eye, there was so much pain in them it made me cringe.

"I'm sorry Bella, if you can, please forgive me" he whispered. I shakily touched his hand

"I forgive you"

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**like it? :) anyways r u guys gonna read the short secound life of bree tanner? im not really excited to read it**

**cause it's not bout any of the cullens or bella :p but, ill read it on the summer just to pass time :)**

**so u guys gonna read it or not? and make sure u guys review!**


	8. just a dream

**hey! guess what? yesterday was my birthday :D**

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Edward stared at me. He had a pained look on his face, as if it pained him I forgave him. He shook his head slowly, there was so much hurt and pain in his eyes it made me flinch.

"You shouldn't. This was all because of me" he whispered. His voice cracked. I shook my head quickly

"No. it wasn't." I said. My voice was so strong and loud Edward actually cracked a small smile

"I am the one who's supposed to be comforting you. Not the other way around" he said. His smile disappeared. He sighed and put his hands on his face

"No" I said again. The sight of him with his hands on his face helplessly made me sick

He shouldn't be this way. He should the strong Edward I knew. The sight made my heart break; I didn't want to see him like this. This wasn't right. I desperately tried to pry his hands away from his face but, it was impossible. He was strong. Very strong.

"It's not your fault. If I hadn't gone with him this wouldn't have happened" I begged. Edward sighed again.

"No it's my fault. What can I do to make it up to you?" he asked. He finally looked at me, his eyes still held the awful pain.

"I want you to stop blaming yourself" I said. I looked at him; he sighed but gave me a small nod

"If that's what you really want then fine" he mumbled.

"That is what I want" I said.

Edward hesitantly put his strong hand on top of mine. Surprisingly I didn't feel awkward. I wanted him to put his hands on top of mine I realized. I wanted him to hold me forever. I liked him. I liked him very much. The thought made my heart break. He obviously didn't like me the way I liked him, while he was as handsome as a Greek god, I was as plain as a pikestaff. While he was perfect, I was clumsy. He didn't like me that way, I shouldn't like him that way either! Suddenly, the door burst open. Both Edward and I jumped up. I turned around to see Elizabeth standing. She ran to me and pulled me into a big hug

"Oh Bella! I am so glad you're okay! I was so worried! Thank god you're okay!" Elizabeth kept on saying. When she pulled away I saw there were tears leaking down her face

"I'm okay, Elizabeth. I'm fine" I reassured her while I patted her back awkwardly.

"Thanks heavens for that" Elizabeth said. Before she could say anything else, Edward interrupted

"Mother, I know you're happy to see Bella but, I think she should rest for a while" Edward said.

Elizabeth glanced at Edward, her expression surprised me. She didn't look shocked, she looked proud and relieved.

"Yes of course" she said, she kissed my head and smiled. I could see the terror in her eyes

"Thank goodness you're okay" she said again. She kissed my head again and looked at Edward.

"Are you coming with me Edward?" she asked him. He hesitated

"I'll be there in a minute" he answered. She nodded and left the room

Edward didn't come closer. He stood right where he was; his hands were jammed inside his pockets.

"You should rest now" he said. I let my hair fall in my face and gave a small nod.

"Well, I'll see you later then" he said. He hesitated before leaving the room

I don't know why but, I had a bad feeling about this, I don't know why but, something inside me told me to not let go of me. Something told me to hold on to him. I felt like something bad was going to happen to him. I felt like I wasn't ever going to see him again. It really surprised me when I heard my voice bounce off the walls

"Don't go" I whispered. I was blushing like crazy now.

I felt an ice cold finer right on my chin. Edward forced me to look at him. His emerald eyes were pained. Did it pain him to leave me? His gorgeous face was tired and pained.

"I have to go to my doctor training" he said. When I didn't say anything, he spoke again.

"Don't worry, I'll be back by sunset, I promise" swallowing my disappointment I gave a small nod

Edward didn't say anything. He just lightly touched my cheek where the damn blush had formed. I could feel myself burning. When I started to blush harder, Edward chuckled, his cold fingered lingered on my cheek. I heard him sigh and mumble something like 'damn training' and then he was gone. Just like that he was gone. Edward was out of my room. He was gone.

I lay down on my bed. I had a bad feeling about this. I stared at the wall thinking about nothing. Edward touch had left me dazed

My eyes fluttered open. Disappoint flooded through me, I didn't see Edward's face anywhere in my room. I got up shakily and opened the curtains. It was dark outside; Edward should've been home by now. He was probably downstairs with Anthony and Elizabeth

I grabbed the first pair of cloths I found in my closet, put them on and ran towards the living hall. I froze, there were people everywhere. Some of them were talking in hushed sad voices, some of them were openly sobbing. Panic flooded through my body, what was going on? I panicky scanned the room for any familiar faces. I found her, Coral, sitting alone on a chair; crying her eyes out. There was snot running down her nose. I ran to her as fast as I could.

"Coral! Coral?" I asked her. She looked at me.

"B-Bella" she sobbed.

"What's happening?" I asked her desperately.

Coral didn't answer. Or well, she couldn't answer. She was crying so hard. Seeing me only caused her to cry harder. I shook her gently.

"Please! Please tell me!" I begged her. My heart was pounding so hard, I could hear the blood and the pounding in my ear. Coral shook her head and continued to sob.

I ran to the dining room. There was chaos everywhere. Some people were crying, some people were talking in sad hushed voices. My heart rate went up even more, if somebody didn't tell me what was going on I was going to faint. As I ran I saw people look at me and shake their heads sadly. Some people even cried when they saw me. I was so anxious, my blood was racing.

Finally I found them. Elizabeth and Anthony. They both sat in those high chairs; Elizabeth was staring blankly at a plate. Her gaze was scary; she looked dead like someone had killed her soul. She just sat there, it was as if her body was here but, her soul wasn't. Anthony just sat there. There were no emotions on his face, his face was as smooth as a marble but, I thought I saw some pain.

"W-What's going on?" I gasped for breath. My heart was pounding; my hands were slick with sweat. Elizabeth didn't even look at me.

"Dead. He's dead" she whispered. Her haunted gaze didn't leave the plate.

"Whose dead?" I cried out. I felt dizzy right now. Anthony's gaze landed on me. His face betrayed no emotions, his sharp dead eyes bored into my soul

"Edward." he whispered.

That's when I lost it. My whole world shattered. Everything froze, my mind went blank. He can't be dead. He can't be dead. He's not dead. He's not dead. He promised he'd come back. He'd promised me. He can't be dead. They're joking. They're kidding.

"He's not dead" I said slowly. Anthony's sharp eyes turned hard.

"Edward. Is. Dead" he said through clenched teeth. I saw pain flash through his features. Just then Elizabeth started to howl. Bog sad howls filled the whole house.

He's not dead. He's not dead. He's not dead. He's not dead. He can't be. I had to get away from this house. They're all crying for nothing. Edward is alive; he promised me he'll come back. I ran out the French doors into the big garden. They were all crying for nothing. He was not dead. He can't be dead. I can't stay in that house, they're crying over nothing. He's not dead, I kept saying.

I ran deeper and deeper into the garden. I was now in the forest. I couldn't hear all the sobbing and howling in the house, I was glad. I slowly sunk down near a tree.

Suddenly, I started to sob. My sobs turned into howls. I felt a hole rip in my heart. He was dead, Edward was dead. It was getting hard for me to breathe because of the big whole plunged into my chest. I screamed in agony, the hole hurt so much. I hugged myself tightly trying to keep myself together. I heard myself scream again.

Why did this happen to me? I didn't want him to die. Why did he have to die? The university is such a cruel place. I cried, I cried for me, I cried for Edward. I cried for both of us. I cried for a long time, almost 5 hours. My eyes ran out of tears to shed. I sat there for a while, pitting myself when suddenly, I heard a voice.

"Bella" said the cruel voice. It was James.

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**sorry for the cliffie :p lol anyways yesterday was my birthday! the best birthday gift u guys can give me is COMMENTS!**

**and i have some awesome news! IM LOOKING FOR A HELPER! SHE CAN HELP ME WITH IDIAS AND STUFF, KINDA LIKE A BETA!**

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	9. new birth

I whipped my head around. He stood there. James stood there, leaning casually against a tree. He looked different somehow, his features were more detailed, they were more sharper. His tan skin was gone now; he was now pale, as pale as a ghost. And his eyes…. Oh, his eyes, they were a red color. A frightening red color, his eyes were a dark red color, the color of the blood. He looked more frightening, more terrifying. I was scared, so scared. What was he going to do? Please god protect me.

"W-what are you doing here?" I asked my legs trembled uncontrollably my voice was barely above a whisper. I backed up against the tree. James smiled a cruel smile that showed his pearl white teeth.

I was almost hugging the tree now, I was so scared. My legs gave in, and I collapsed on the ground. My breathing was coming in short little gasps.

"Bella, Bella, Bella. What am I going to do with you?" James said. His voice sounded like Bells.

He wasn't supposed to be here. He was supposed to be locked up in jail. He wasn't supposed to be here out in the forest. Please god, please help me

"Ah! I found you alone at last" he said.

Suddenly, he was standing right in front of me, I hadn't even seen him move. He was inhuman. His frightening face was right in front of me. I hugged the tree even though it won't be able to protect me.

"y-you're supposed to be in j-jail" I whispered. My voice trembled. He grinned again

"Not anymore" he said in his bell like voice. I prayed and prayed, I prayed that this would all be just a dream. I prayed that I would wake up and find Edward sitting next to me. I prayed everything would be alright. I prayed so hard. A silent tear fell from my eye. I knew this was the end; Edward wasn't here to save me this time. James was going to rape me.

What should I do? I should at least fight him but, he was way too strong.

"S-stop it, E-Edward will find you" the hole in my heart started to hurt again. Saying his name was like agony, it was as if someone was burning my heart. Like someone was running over my body with a carriage. More tears fell from my eyes.

Suddenly James burst out laughing. Even his laugh was scary, I flinched.

"I know he's dead Bella. Don't lie to me" He said and leaned forward

Him saying Edward was dead made my heart hurt even more. I was now gasping for air. I was so scared. This was it; a tiny voice said from inside my head, this is where I lose everything. James stopped leaning in, he leaned back and smiled wickedly at me.

"Actually I killed him" he said.

Those four words. Those four words made me freeze. Even though those words hurt me more than anything, they made my anger snap. He killed Edward. He killed him. I wasn't scared anymore; I didn't feel anything except for pure hatred.

I jumped up and ran to the opposite side; I didn't keep on going though. My mind screamed at me to get away from me but, my heart told me not to. James killed Edward. James killed Edward. James killed Edward. Those words got burnt into my mind. I'm going to avenge his death. I knew it was a lost cause; James was a thousand times stronger than me. I was a clumsy little human and had no idea how to fight anybody but, he killed Edward. I was going to die tonight I knew that, I want to die knowing I tried to kill the bastard.

Suddenly, James was standing in front of me again. His dark red eyes were amused. Did he think this was funny? Suddenly, he gripped my wrist. The grip was inhumanly strong; I heard a loud cracking and knew that he had broken my wrist. My piercing scream filled the forest.

"Trying to run away?" James asked me. Sick humor danced between his eyes

He wanted to see me in pain; he wanted to know that it hurt. He wanted to hurt me. I tried to find my voice; my wrist was hurting so hard. I wanted to scream in agony but, instead I cradled my wrist and managed to say something.

"Hardly" I managed to get out. Even I could hear the pain in my own voice, I was damn sure he could too. His smirk proved the point.

"You're brave for a girl. Even Edward was brave, such a waste of life. If only he had stepped aside and let me have you, he would still be alive. Poor Edward, I didn't really want to kill him" James said.

When he said Edward's name, I lunged for him. I slapped him hard across his face but, he didn't even flinch, it was like he was made out of rock. He didn't even budge a little. He was like a hard marble.

He flung me away like a fly and then grabbed my hair. I screamed again. He dropped me on the ground and looked at me. His red eyes were amused

"Brave human girl" he commented. And then squeezed my broken wrist, I screamed again. He laughed in pleasure

"If you've just let me have you none of this would've happened. You would still be in your house with your precious little Edward but, now he's dead. I didn't want to do this to you Bella, you're so pretty…." His voice trailed off.

Pain shot up my leg. He had jumped on my feet and broken it, I screamed again. Tears were streaming down my face, and I was sobbing. I was sobbing for Edward, I was sobbing for me, I was sobbing for Anthony and Elizabeth. I was sobbing for everybody

"I had want to do so much more but, I can't resist my thirst now" I had no clue what he was saying and I didn't even care.

Death sounded like heaven to me right now. I would be free from all this pain, emotional pain and physical pain. I was getting dizzy now, James leaned forward again. I didn't know what he was doing but, I wanted him to kill me now. I wanted to should at him to kill me already. Maybe he would break my neck? Or maybe he would stick a knife in my chest or maybe he would just suffocate me, I didn't care I just wanted to die. I squeezed my eyes shut

Something bit my neck then. I screamed loudly. This wasn't like anything I had experienced, it was much worse. I felt like something was draining the life out of me. I felt like I was on fire. I was on fire. Everything in my body was on fire. I kept on screaming and opened my eyes. James. He was drinking my blood. Was he a vampire? I could've cared less, I just wanted to die. The fire had started to spread and I felt weaker and weaker. This is it, this is where I die. I didn't even have the energy to scream now, everything was becoming hazy. Suddenly James went flying away from me.

I couldn't even open my eyes now. I had no energy. Suddenly, the fire started to hurt again. It was just like before but much worse. I felt paralyzed, I couldn't move. There was fire in every vain of my body. I felt like somebody was burning me alive. I screamed loudly

I felt a cold finger touch my arm. I just knew it wasn't James. The touch was gentle and hesitating. It was almost like he or she wanted to help me.

"Fire! Fire! SOMEBODY PUT OUT THE FIRE!" I screamed. The person put its fingers on my neck.

"Shhh… young one. It will be alright" said a young girly voice

"PUT THE FIRE OUT!" I screamed again. The fire was getting worse. It was spreading faster than I thought. It had almost reached my legs.

"It's ok. Everything is going to be okay" said the strange voice.

The girl put her hand on the bite mark. I screamed again as I felt her sharp teeth pierce the skin on my wrist. She bit me again on the other side of my neck. I had thought the girl was nice, I had thought she would help me. Why was she doing this to me?

"Please! I beg you don't do this. Please just kill me!" I begged and then screamed again as I felt her bite my leg.

"The process has already started. I can't stop it; you're going to be changed one way or another. This should make it a lot quicker" said the voice

I laid there for god knows how long. It could've been seconds, it could've been days, it could've been years. I burned there, lying in the middle on the forest with a strange girl. I just laid there and let the fire burn through my body. The pain kept on getting worse. I wanted to die and be free from this pain. Occasionally I would scream and beg the girl to kill me. Whenever she replied her voice would be gentle and caring she would tell me it was almost over, she would tell be everything was going to be okay. The strange girl stayed with me, she would hold my hand and mummer soothing words to me. I had no clue who this girl was or what was she or what had she done to me but, she was nice. I trusted her.

Suddenly my heart rate picked up like a helicopter. My heart started to thud really fast and I felt like it would fly away. The fire got worst but then slowly it started to fade away. It started with my toes, the fire faded away and I as able to move them. Then the fire faded away from my legs, then my stomach then my arms. then suddenly my heart stopped. It thudded one more time and then it was gone. Was I dead?

"Open your eyes young one" said the strange girl. I slowly opened my eyes

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**you guys, Edward's not dead! he's a vamp like it says in the discription :) sooooo James changed Bella, actually he wanted to kill her**

**but she changed anyways :) hey, if you read any good stories on fan fic send them to me please! i havent read any good fan fic lately **

**and lastly COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT! thanks ily **


	10. cruel life

My life was hell. I was after all an evil creature of the night with no soul and no heart who killed people ruthlessly for blood. In short words I was a vampire. Life wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, I was almost human. Almost. I still killed animals for blood and I still had inhuman powers. I was as fast as wind and really strong. I was inhumanly beautiful, and I really didn't like that, it attracted way too much unwanted attention. I also had a power, I was a mental shield. That meant I could protect myself and my loved ones from people like Jane Volturi.

The day still haunts me. The day I was changed into a vampire. The day _he_ died. The day where my soul shattered. I remember the first time I had opened my eyes as a vampire.

***flashback***

"Open your eyes young one" said the strange girl. I slowly opened my eyes.

I looked around slowly; everything was so much more detailed. Everything was as clear as a crystal. I could see everything, even the smallest dust particle. I looked around distracted for a while. Everything was just so much more detailed.

Suddenly, I remembered about the girl. I looked around hastily for her. Nobody was there. Nobody. Nothing. Nada.

I panicky looked around the forest for her, I knew she was here. Had I hallucinated her? I was so sure I could hear her high like bell voice. I could even smell her scent, as strange and weird that sounded. I knew she was here. Why did she run away from me? I could track her down if I wanted. I was about to follow the scent when something caught my eyes. There lay a small piece of paper on a rock folded neatly. I walked towards it slowly like maybe it was a bomb. I hesitantly picked it up and opened it.

_Dear Isabella,_

_Sorry for not staying. I had to go, I have to find someone and it's very urgent. I am truly sorry for all of this. I hope one day you will be able to forgive me. By the way, the guy who attacked you is not dead, he ran away when he saw me. If you don't know already, you're a vampire. Shocking I know. Anyways, I just want to tell you to not attract too much attention to yourself and not kill way too many people for blood or the Volturi will get involved. And trust me you don't want them to be involved. The Volturi are like the kings of the vampire world, they have the power to kill you. But, I already know you'll be fine. If you don't want to kill humans for blood, you should kill animals. It won't quite fulfill your thirst but, it will keep you strong. We'll me again Isabella, I've already seen it._

_Forgive me if you can, we'll see each other again._

_Alice_

***end of flashback***

I still have the letter. After I read the letter, I wanted to follow her scent but, I knew she wanted to be alone, so I left her alone. I hunted animals even though it didn't fulfill my thirst as Alice had said but, I was pretty good at not killing any humans. It was really tempting at times but, I just reminded myself that they are people just like I had been. I still hadn't met Alice, I don't know why but, I wanted to meet her. She had changed me; her venom ran through my veins. She was responsible for me. I met a lot of vampires named Alice; apparently it was a popular name back then, but, I just knew that this girl wasn't the Alice who had changed me. I still wanted to meet her.

"BELLA!" Marie screamed. Yup that's Marie, my best friend even when I was human.

"WHAT?" I screamed back even though I knew she was perfectly able to hear me even if I whispered.

"WHERE'S MY PURPLE SHIRT?" She screamed back. I rolled my eyes.

"HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSE TO KNOW? LOOK IN THE CLOSET!" I yelled back

I heard her mumble something like 'thanks for the help'. I rolled my eyes again. Marie will be Marie.

I still remember the day when I found her. I was visiting my town after 5 years.

***flashback***

I ran to my parent's house. I climbed up the tree and jumped in the window to my room. It looked the same, my bed was still unmade, there were still books scattered around the desk. But, there was dust everywhere like nobody had bothered to clean my room. I sighed and sat at my unmade bed. I knew it hurt my parents to think about it. I would spy or well stalk them. They would pretend everything was okay but, they would weep when they were pretending to sleep. It hurt me t see them hurt. I wish I could tell them I was alive, well I wasn't technically alive but, I wasn't dead either. I knew they would get a heart attack if they saw me. I sighed again and jumped out the window.

It hurt too much to think about them. I wanted to run away from here, it hurts too much. I didn't even dare go to _his_ house; I knew I would lose it if I did. But, before I go I wanted to visit Marie my ex-best friend. I missed her sarcasm and her humor. I ran to her house. Marie's family wasn't rich; she had 5 sisters and 1 brother. When I ran towards her house, I smelled it. Blood. And it smelled so good but, I restrained myself. It was coming from the south which was in the forest. The blood called to me but, I resisted. The person was probably badly hurt, she or he needed help. My throat was on fire but I ignored it. I ran till I found her.

"Marie!" I gasped. She laid there, she was surrounded by blood. Her eyes were closed. I prayed she wasn't dead, she wasn't. She was still breathing. I couldn't leave her there so I changed her

***End of flashback***

It turns out Marie's father had beaten her because she had refused to marry a guy. She was in love with someone else but, he father didn't care. He said if she didn't marry who he picked he would kill her. She said she didn't care and so her father beat her up and left her to die in the middle of a forest.

"Bella!" Marie's voice made me jump. I turned around and glared at her

"Don't sneak up on me!" I scolded. She rolled her eyes.

"This is hardly called sneaking up on people" she said.

"Come on it's time for hell" she said and I groaned, hell = high school

"Go get dressed" Marie commanded. I gave her a sarcastic salute and marched into my bedroom

I grabbed the first cloths in my closet and put them on. I looked for my hair brush, I couldn't find it anywhere. It was probably in one of the bags. I looked through my bad and found it, I quickly brushed my hair and was about to put it away when something caught my eye. It was a ring.

It was my wedding ring. A sob build up my throat. It reminded me of_ him_. With shaky fingers I picked it up. the diamonds still shined like the moon. _He _had slipped it on my finger. It hurt too much even to just look at it, I threw it back in the bag. A very small sob escaped my mouth and I knew Marie heard it.

In a second, she was standing in front of me. Concern masked her face, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to bear the pain. Marie's hand was rubbing my back in soothing motions.

"It's ok Bella, its ok" she said while she ribbed my back.

We both sat there for a while. She rubbing my back and me sobbing. After a while I calmed down and took a deep breath. I stood up and looked at Marie.

"We should go now" I said to her with a smile even though i was hurting. She got up and smiled back.

"Yeah, I don't want to be late on the first day of hell" she said and then snickered.

One of the best thing about Marie, she just knew when you didn't want to talk about it. That's why I loved her, she just knew me. I smiled to myself and followed her to the garage. A small scream escaped my mouth as I stepped into the garage.

My beloved Chevy truck was ruined. It was burned. Everything was burned.

"MARIE!" I screamed. I turned around to see Marie looking sheepish.

"I didn't mean to! I was just practicing my power and I didn't think anything would've happened but, then uh your truck kind of blew up"

Oh yeah, did I mention Marie had a power? She could influence the fire element. So that meant she could put things on fire but, she wasn't that good. She could barely start a camp fire. But it was a pain in the ass when she actually did light things on fire.

"MARIE! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO NOT PRACTISE FIRE IN THE HOUSE" I yelled. She rolled her eyes.

"It's just an ugly old truck. I'll be you another one" she said. I glared at her

"Don't call my truck ugly" I snarled. She rolled her eyes again.

"fine." she said.

"Fine!" I said

We both got into my Marie's Lexus and she started to drive to the high school. Marie had actually tried to get me to start dating again but, that just hurt me more. Somehow, it just didn't seem right, I was after all married. I knew that didn't actually count but, it just didn't seem right. I guess I'll be spending the rest of my life alone.

"Bella?" Marie called bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Huh?" I said

"You're not really mad at me are you? For blowing up your truck? I swear I didn't mean to! It's just that I was kind of glaring at your truck and then suddenly it blew up. I swear I didn't mean to-" I cut her off

"It's ok. I guess it really was getting old" I said and smiled at her. She relaxed and smiled back.

"First day of high school" I said and sighed. I heard Marie sigh with me

She parked in the parking lot and sighed again. We both got out

"Welcome to hell" Marie whispered

* * *

**awww! poor little Bella thinks Edward is dead, but he's not or is he ;) lol remember to review and i'll love u 4ever :)**


	11. world is round

**need a good beta? pm me! i'll love to be your beta!**

* * *

Forks high school was hell, really. As we stepped outside everyone stopped doing whatever they were doing and stared at us. The girls were all glaring at us with hateful eyes and the guys were looking at us with lustful eyes. great.

I sighed as Marie and I walked to the attendance office. I could hear everybody whispering about us. Suddenly, a guy was standing in front of me. His blond hair falling in his mossy green eyes, he gave me a small smile that was supposed to melt me. I heard Marie snort when she saw him. I could almost see her rolling her golden eyes.

"Can I help you?" I asked him politely. He grinned

"I was wondering if you wanted to go out Friday night" he said and smiled again.

"No thank you" I politely declined him. We were about to start walking again but, he stopped us again. I tapped my foot impatiently.

"What about you?" he asked Marie. She openly snorted.

"Puh-leze" she said and started to walk. Pure shock masked the guy's face. I suppressed a laugh and gave him a sympathetic smile and hurried after Marie.

"What does he think I am? A piece of jewelry. I hate high school; I hate it more than anything in the world. The girls hate me and the guys want me. Ugh! I hate high school. Damn high school! Damn it!" she kept on mumbling. I smiled again; it was very amusing to watch Marie curse High school.

We entered the office and asked for our schedule. The lady happily gave it to us and told us to 'beat it'. We were about to exit the room when suddenly a pair of hands caught my wrist. I sighed and turned around. There stood another guy with dark brown hair and blue eyes.

"Yes?" I asked him trying to keep the disgust out of my voice. He gave me a smile

"you. Me. tomorrow at coop's party" he said. I sighed again.

"Sorry, not interested" I said and started to walk again. Marie started to laugh again. I rolled my eyes again; this was not going to get old.

All the girls hated me, and all the guys wanted me. It was disgusting to watch all the guys try to make me go out with them. Even though I told them no, they would still come up to me and ask me out again. I hated high school

I sighed miserably as we entered our new high school. It was like any other high school but, it was much smaller. There were students everywhere. All of them were watching our every move like a hawk. Marie grumbled and started to mutter things under her breath. We had 10 minutes till the first class so we sat down on a small bench. I could hear all the whispers

"She's too pretty…"

"Wonder if she will go out with me"

"I hate her"

"Who do they think they are? I hate them"

"Mmmhhh, the one with the blond hair is yummy"

"Wonder what the brown haired one tastes-" I glared at the guy who said the last part and he quickly looked away. Yeah, I could be scary when I wanted to be

My mind wondered back to when I found my wedding ring. My heart started to ach again. Get over him! My mind screamed at me. I wanted to, I really wanted to get over him, I really wanted to forget everything about him but, I couldn't. Even though I tried so hard, I would still remember him. It's been 100 years, human memories fade away quickly but he got burned into my mind. I didn't remember him that well; I didn't remember exactly how he looked. I did remember his strange bronze hair though. I also remembered his piercing green eyes. He was dead. He'd died 100 years ago, then why did I still remember him? I had only known his for about 4 days! Then why the hell did I still remember him?

"Shit!" Marie's house broke me away from my thoughts. I looked at her. Panic was written all over her face.

"What is it?" I asked her anxiously. She pointed towards the window.

I followed her gaze and saw what really worried her. The sun. It was out in the sky shining brightly. It was sunny in forks. Wow. That only happened about once every year. Okay this was bad, if we stepped outside we would look like sparkling circus freaks and the humans would definitely know something was wrong.

"Let's ditch after the first bell rings" I hissed. .

A beam of sunlight hit my arm. I jumped up so fast a human would've missed it. I saw that everyone in the whole room was looking at me curiously. I grabbed Marie's hand and we dashed towards the girl's bathroom. Thankfully, no one was in the bathroom. I sighed in relief and glared at the sun through the window.

"Great! Just great! First day of high school and the sun decides to show up! Doesn't it know that we'll get busted if it shows up! God, the sun is so stupid!" Marie said. I smiled at her.

"the sun not a living thing" I told her. She gave me a sarcastic smile.

"Really? I didn't know that! I must be so stupid!" she said and I let out a small laugh.

God, I loved having Marie around, you could always count on her to make things more amusing. My life would definitely be a complete hell without her. I gave her a big smile; she raised one of her eyebrows at me but, then shrugged and smiled back.

"What's up with you?" she asked me. I just smiled at her and shook my head.

She kept on shooting confused glances at me as we sat there, in the bathroom waiting for the bell to ring so we could ditch. Yeah I know, us ditching school on the first day of school, that would probably make a terrible impression but, I didn't care. Hell, I didn't even want to care. School was torture.

A shrilling bell like sound filled the whole campus, I looked at Marie and nodded. She nodded back. We both waited in the bathroom for a while, and then I carefully peaked outside the bathroom. There was nobody there. I gestured Marie to come after me. We both ran out of the school. We were just about to get out of the school when I froze.

"Do you smell that?" I asked her.

"Hurry! We'll get exposed!" she hissed.

"Do you smell that?" I asked her again. She panicky looked around

"No. I don't smell anything, now can we please go?" she asked me

"No I smell something. It's too sweet to be a human" I argued. Marie glared at me.

"It's probably some perfume! Now hurry!" she hissed. When I still didn't move, she grabbed my hand and forced me to run.

That was not a human, humans don't smell like that. it smelled like pines and lilacs, it was a very unfamiliar scent. Maybe, it was a perfume. Maybe I was paranoid. I shook my head to clear the thoughts and raced after Marie. In an instant we were at our house

"YES! NO SCHOOL! THE TORTURE IS OVER!" Marie yelled loudly. I laughed and rolled my eyes.

"Oh, Marie" I mumbled. She smirked at me.

"So what do you want to do? Let's play tag!" she said. My eyes widened

"No! No! A hundred times no! Remember the last time we played tag? You broke everything in the house! Everything! Like everything!" I said in a rush.

"But Bella! Please!-" suddenly, our doorbell rang.

Both Marie and I froze. Nobody ever came to our house. Our house was hidden in the forest. Nobody had ever bothered us before. Both Marie and I shared panicked glances. I cautiously took a step forward towards the door. Marie was still frozen. Suddenly it hit me, the sweet vampire smell. It smelled like lilacs and a little bit of pineapples. I knew instantly who this was. I raced towards the door and opened it with a huge smile on my face. It was none other than Stephen.

His smile mirrored mine, his smile was so big it was a wonder it didn't crack his cheeks. His blond hair hanged into his golden/ red eyes.

In a second I was lifted in the air and was pulled into a big bear hug. I laughed as he put me down.

"Surprise?" he said but it sounded more like a question. I laughed again

"Yes, I am very surprised" I said and grinned at him. He smiled in return. Suddenly, he was tackled by a much exited Marie.

"STEPHEN! OH MY GOD! IT'S BEEN LIKE 10 YEARS SINCE THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN? COULDN'T YOU ATLEAST VISIT ONCE IN A WHILE? COULDN'T YOU EVEN CALL AND LET US KNOW YOU WERE STILL ALIVE! DO YOU WANT ME TO BURN YOU? BUT, IM SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE! YOU HAVE TO STAY! MAYBE YOU CAN COME HOUSE SHOPPING WITH US-" I cut Marie off

"Maybe you should let him breath?" I asked her. She smiled sheepishly in response and helped Stephen up. He grinned at her and she smiled back.

"Can I get a proper hug now?" she asked him. He laughed and pulled her into a big bear hug. I smiled as they pulled apart.

"Please, come inside!" I insisted and shoved both of them inside. Once we were in the house, all of us sat down in the formal living room. Both Marie and I looked at him.

"So um hey" he said. We both smiled at him.

"Where have you been?" I asked him. He shrugged in response

"I was in Atlanta for a while, then I went to Europe, then I was in Mexico… I was traveling from place to place" he said and then shrugged again

"You didn't visit us in almost 10 years!" Marie accused. I nodded in agreement. He smiled sheepishly.

"Well, yeah…. I wanted to just be alone for a while, just be by myself. But, after a while I got bored so I decided to come visit you guys, you know stay here for a while. Go to high school with you guys, if you let me of course" he said.

"Don't be silly, you're always welcomed here" I said but, then continued in a much serious tone.

"But you know you can't kill any humans while you're here. You'll have to hunt animals. Don't take this the wrong way, we would love for you to be with us but, you can't hunt humans" I warned him. Marie nodded in agreement

Stephen was weird like that; he could survive on both animal blood and human blood. He used to live with us for a while back in the 1990's and he was great at not killing any humans but, then after a while he got tiered and went off on his own. He hunted both humans and animal. That's why his eyes were a weird golden/ red color. I guess, he felt bad when he killed humans.

"Done. I won't hunt any humans" he said and crossed his heart with his finger. I grinned at him

"Then you're welcome to stay in the swan mansion and become family" Marie finished in a formal like tone.

"Now that we're done with all the formalities, WELCOME TO THE FAMILY!" she yelled loudly. All of us laughed, it was nice having Stephen back

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**as i said, i'm taking beta requests so make sure you pm me! and can you believe it's only 1 more day till eclipse comest out? jeez! im so excited!**

**im going to the 1 midnight showing :) how many of you guys are going to the midnight showing of Eclipse? anyways make sure u review! and i'll love you forever :)**


	12. not what i planned

**OH MA GOD! ECLIPSE WAS AMAZING! I LOVED IT! EEEEEPPP! IT WAS SO AWESOME! MY FAVORITE PART WAS WHEN JACOB IS LIKE 'LETS FACE IT I'M HOTTER THAT YOU' LMAO!**

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We were all sitting there, sitting and talking. I liked it, I felt more human. Suddenly, Stephen's voice broke me out of my thoughts.

"Bella, can I uh talk to you?" Stephen nervously glanced at him hand. I gave him a confused glance.

"Sure." I gestured him to talk. He looked at Marie uncomfortably

"Um in private?" he smiled apologetically at Marie

Oh god. Please no, please no. Marie jumped up like somebody had lit her up on fire. She smiled, but it looked forced. I could see the hurt that lingered on her face. Oh no. Marie glanced at me; the hurt in her eyes was crystal clear. She quickly ran out of the room.

"So, what's up?" I asked him cautiously. Stephen bowed his head.

"I hurt her feelings" it wasn't a question. I cringed

"Yeah" I said guiltily. He sighed

"What did you want to talk about?" I stared at him. He looked like a deer caught in a headlight.

"I-I It's like… I uh, shit! Uh… I-I just uh" he stammered. His voice broke at the end

"What is it?" to encourage him, I smile widely. But, the smile just made him more nervous

"I-I just um… wanted uh..." he sounded so nervous. If he were a human he would be sweating bullets.

"Just spit it out!" I said impatiently. He sighed and looked up slowly. he took a deep breath.

"You know that I like you. I really do, and you know that. It's like I wanted to ask you, you know to go on a date with me but, I didn't know how you would respond and I-I….. I-I just wanted to ask you if you felt any thing for me. Anything at all." he finished in a rush

Oh. My. God. I knew he liked me, he had hinted on it for quite a few decades now. He would smile at me way to often, he would buy me flowers and little presents, and he would take my hand. He would 'accidently' bump into me. He would stare at me. This was too much to take in. I didn't know how to respond. I didn't like him that way, hell I didn't like anyone that way except for a certain bronze- haired dead guy. How could I tell him I didn't like him without hurting his feelings? This was torture. I didn't want to hurt his feeling. I dumbly stared at him.

"I-I…" I stammered. I awkwardly looked around the room.

"You don't like me that way" Stephen confirmed. His blond hair falling into his eyes. I could see the hurt that masked his eyes

"I-I…. I don't" I whispered and looked down. I stayed that way for a couple of moments.

When I looked up, I excepted Stephen to be glaring at me or looking at me with a hurtful expression. Instead, he had a thoughtful look on his face as if he were in a deep thought. Small worry lines had formed on his forehead. When he finally looked at me, he smiled. It wasn't the big 'I'm so happy!' smile but, it was a start. It looked a little strained and I could still see a little hurt in his eyes.

"You don't hate me?" I asked him quietly. He gave me a startled look

"Why the hell would I ever hate you?" he asked me with confusion. I shrugged

"I don't hate you, I could never hate you. I guess, I'm a little hurt. But, I don't want to force you or anything. But, maybe just maybe you'll give me a chance? Later in life?" he looked sp hopeful that I couldn't bring myself to say no. I just weakly smiled.

"Are things going to be awkward between us?" he asked me.

"No way!" I said and lightly punched him in the arm. He laughed and mocked my punch.

Ina few minutes, we were both rolling on the floor laughing and mock fighting. We suddenly heard a loud cough. We both looked up to see Marie standing in front of us with an amused smile plastered on her face. But, I could still see the some hurt and betrayal in her eyes.

"i heard something break, so I came outside to make sure everything was okay" her voice held the amusement. She raised a eyebrow at me.

"Would you like to join us?" I offered. She grinned and the hurt vanished from her eyes.

"I'd rather not. This skirt costs more than the house" she gestured to her white skirt.

I frowned at the skirt; did it really cost that much money? I answered my own question: of course it did, nobody could stop Marie when she was shopping. Nobody.

"Aw man, you're such a party pooper" Stephen said, his voice teasing. Marie grinned again and helped me up.

Suddenly, we heard a small gasp from Stephen. I quickly spun around to face him. He was staring at something that was behind me. I followed his gaze and saw what had really interested him. Marie's painting. She had painted that picture, a long time ago; maybe 20 years ago, I wasn't so sure. The painting itself was beautiful; it showed a girl sitting near a lake with a tear running down her cheek. Marie won't admit it to anyone but, the girl she had drawn was herself. I think she drew the picture because she pitied herself, or maybe she was just painting from a memory but, I had never confronted her about it, something about the way she looked at the painting made me not want to talk about iy.

"Did you paint that?" Stephen's voice held the disbelief I had felt when I first saw the picture. Marie looked embarrassed. She smiled a little and nodded

"Wow! I had no clue you were an artist!" Stephen said and looked and Marie. She smirked and then shrugged

"Would you like to see my art studio?" she asked him. he looked at her in disbelief but, then quickly nodded

"Bella, you coming?" Marie asked me.

"No, I'm uh going hunting" I wanted to be alone for a while, I wanted peace and quiet.

"Are you sure?" Marie's voice held a lot of concern. I smiled reassuringly

"Yeah. It's fine. You guys go ahead. I'll see you when I come back" Marie still looked doubtful. She watched me for a while but, then smiled.

I waved goodbye to Stephen and Marie and then ran out the door. I wasn't really thirst, not really but, I wanted to be alone for a while. Don't get me wrong, I love Marie and Stephen but, it was kind of getting awkward with Stephen. I just wanted to sit somewhere in the middle of a forest and think. I run until I'm in a dark forest. I run deep into the forest where no can find me or bother me

I finally sit down near a tree, resting my head in the trunk. My hands claw into the dirt. This was not at all what I wanted; I didn't want any of this. I didn't want to be a vampire who lived forever. I didn't want this. I was lonely very lonely. I had no one. Yes, I did have Stephen and Marie but, I couldn't love them that way. I couldn't spend my life with them. I wanted; no I needed someone to spend my life with them. I wanted someone to care for me, to kiss me, to hold me. All those things that I had wanted. I smiled as I thought about when I was human I used to think life was so long. It wasn't, a average human only lived for about 80 years but, when you're a vampire you live forever. And that a long time. I have seen a lot of vampire that are happy with what they are because they have someone to spend the rest of forever with. I didn't. I had no one. I-

Suddenly the sweet vampire smell hit me. It wasn't someone who I knew; it was the same scent I had smelled in the school. I jumped up and a low growl escaped my mouth. I was in a crouching position. I scanned the whole forest, I didn't see anybody but, I could smell him or her. a warning hiss escaped my mouth. The smell was coming was coming from the north. I sniffed the air and followed her trail.

I froze when I saw her. I knew her. She stood there, casually leaning against a tree. Her smile was so big it was a wonder it didn't break her cheeks. Her golden eyes held so much happiness it blinded me. Her raven black hair flew in the air. I crouched up from my hunting position.

"Isabella!" her high like voice echoed in the forest. It was her. The girl who saved me. The girl who changed me. none other than the mysterious Alice.

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**eclispe was amazingggg! i loved it :) what was ur guys's favorite part? mine was when jake was like 'lets face it im hotter than u' lol!**

**plz review and i'll love u forever and ever :)**


	13. worst schock

**IM HAVING A CONTEST! WOOHOOO! LOOK AT THE END A/N FOR DETAILS! WINNER WILL GET THE CHAPTERS BEFORE I UPDATE!**

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I stared at Alice. She was tiny like a pixie, with sharp features and deep golden eyes. Her short black hair was pointing in different directions. She looked really happy to see me; I still didn't know how I felt. I was too shocked

Suddenly, I was tackled to the ground by the little pixie. My fighting instincts kicked in, I was about to rip her neck out when I froze. I realized she was hugging me not attacking me. I didn't hug her back, I still didn't trust her. After all she left me in the worst state of my life. She pulled back and grinned at me, her eyes glittered with excitement. She got up and offered me her hand; I ignored it and stood up. I took a step back so we were at least an inch apart. Hurt masked the small pixie's face. I bit my lip; it hurt me to see her hurt. I didn't know why but, I felt like this was my entire fault.

"Alice" I breathed. Her eyes lit up again

"You remember my name!" she said excitedly.

"You saved me from James" it wasn't a question. Alice didn't even hesitate before answering

"Yes"

"You changed me"

"Yes"

"You left me" I accused. She flinched, she tried to come closer but, I took a step back telling her not to push me

"Yes" she sighed miserably. I glared at her and she winced

"Why?" I asked her with venom in my voice

"I-I had to find him. Jasper. He was suffering, I couldn't see him that way, he was in so much pain" her voice shook. I still kept glaring at her

"So you just left me like that. As a newborn without even telling me about the rules. You didn't even care" I accused. Alice gave me a startled look

"Of course I cared! If I didn't care would I have left the note for you? If I didn't care would I have keep searching you future? And most of all if I didn't care would I be here with you?" she furiously asked me

"What do you mean by seeing my future?" I asked her. My glare had soften and turned into a small scowl. And the hate in my voice had vanished

"I can see the future. I have these visions. I tried to find you but, my visions were so blurry! It was like you were blocking me! I couldn't see your face clearly, and I couldn't see where you were! I was trying to find you for so long Isabella" she said in a hurt tone

"What do you mean you tried to find me?"

"I tried to see where you were but, my vision was blocked. It was like you were trying to block me" frustration masked her voice

"That would be my power" I said. Alice stared at me, her eyes were pained.

"Are you mad at me?" Alice asked me

She looked at me with her big sad golden eyes. Her bottom lip was pushed out in a sad pout. I felt my insides soften, she was truly sad about this. And I don't think anybody could ever stay mad at her. Alice bowed her head down

"You still left me" my voice was defeated.

Alice's head snapped up, a beautiful smile adorned her face; she looked like a happy child. Her eyes sparkled with happiness; she let out a happy squeal. I tried and failed to hide my amused smile, seeing her happy made me happy.

"So you forgive me?" Her voice was hopeful. She looked at me with her big innocent eyes. I couldn't hurt her but, I wasn't ready to forgive her either

"I-I don't know…. I-I…" my voice trailed off. Her face fell; the excitement vanished from her eyes.

"It's okay. You don't forgive me, I get it" she mumbled

"NO! I-I..." I struggled for words. I took a deep breath

"Alice you left me when I was in the worst state of my life. I called for you, I was so scared, I had so many questions. I was so lost. I feel betrayed by you. I felt like you didn't want to stay with me. I was so lost, I didn't know anything about the vampire world… you hurt me Alice" I whispered. Pain masked my voice

"I know. You have no idea how hard it was for me to leave you there but, J-Jasper needed me more than you did." Alice shook her head sadly

There was a moment of awkward silence. Both of us stood there staring at the ground. Alice broke the silence

"I guess I'll leave now" she sounded so hurt it made me flinch

"No wait. I-I forgive you" I whispered.

I was tackled to the ground once again by the pixie vampire. To say she was excited would be an understatement. She was literally jumping up and down. I didn't know anyone could have this much energy, human or vampire. I gave a short laugh when she pulled me up

"You have to meet my family! They're going to be so surprised I finally found you Isabella-"

"Bella" I corrected

"BELLA! I love it!" she grinned. I found myself smiling slightly

"Come on!" she grabbed my hand and tried to pull me

"Where?"

"To meet my family! Duh!" she said and tried to pull me

"I have to go home though, Marie and Stephen will be worried, I-" she cut me off

"They'll be fine; it will only take a minute! Come on!" she said and pulled me again. there was no point in arguing so I sighed and followed her.

Now we stood in front of a big mansion. It was huge; it was painted a soft white color and was mostly glass. I nervously glanced at Alice; she gave me an encouraging smile

"Come on now! They're all going to be so surprised! And I'll finally win the bet I made with Edward! He's-" I cut her off

"E-Edward?" there was probably some other guy with the same name. My voice shook so much when I said his name. He's dead! Stop trying to think he's alive! He's dead, I screamed at myself. Alice gave me a confused glance.

"Yeah Edward, he's my brother. Like Emmet" she said slowly.

"..Dead..." I whispered. My heart was on fire. He was dead, he couldn't be alive, there could be other guys named Edward, it was a popular name back in the days. A shiver ran down my spine, why couldn't I let him go? He was dead, dead! Why the hell did I still pin for him? It wasn't like he loved me!

"Bella?" Alice was looking at me with panic. I shook my head as if to clear my mind

"Yeah, sorry what?" I asked her. She relaxed and breathed in relied

"I was saying, are you ready to meet my family? Esme is going to love you! And then there's Carlisle and Emmet…. We should just go" she glanced towards the door. I sighed and nodded.

"This is going to be…. interesting" I murmured. Alice shot me a grin

"Come on, don't be scared" she said soothingly. I sighed and nodded

Alice opened the door and danced inside; I hesitated but, awkwardly followed her inside. The house was beautiful; it was painted a soft cream color and was very open.

"EVERYONE IN THE LIVING ROOM PLEASE!" Alice shouted. Of course they would all hear her even if she whispered the words.

In a second the room was full with vampires. They all gaped at me, like I was a pig with wings. I awkwardly looked at the floor; if I were human I would be blushing like crazy. I heard Alice laugh.

"This is Bella, the vampire I told you about. Bella this is my family" she said proudly. I slowly looked up and smiled shyly

Alice pointed to the older looking vampire. She had caramel colored hair, big golden eyes and a heart shaped face and soft features. She rearranged her features and smiled at me. I smiled back shyly.

"Bella this is Esme, my mother. Esme this is Bella" Alice said. I shook her hand politely

"It's nice to meet you finally Bella" Esme smiled sincerely.

"This is Carlisle, my father you could say" I shook his hand. He had a wise look on his face

"This is my husband, Jasper!" Alice practically drooled when she said his name. Jasper stared at me but, then gave me a small smile

"This is Rosalie" Rosalie glared at me fiercely and sneered at me. I flinched; I didn't know what I did to make her hate me so much.

"And this is Emmet" Emmet smiled at me widely, his curly bobbed to one side

"Bella huh? Coo, I like you" Emmet said and smiled. I smiled shyly and gave him a little wave

"I have one more brother and one more sister, they're hunting they'll be back soon though" Alice sang. She had a smug look on her face

Alice danced towards Jasper and gave him a sweet kiss. I found myself smiling at them; they were perfect for each other. While Alice was the excited talkative hyper pixie, Jasper was the shy calm guy. I felt a pang of jealousy in the pit of my stomach, I wanted what Alice and Jasper had. I needed that.

Everyone stood next to their mates, Rosalie and Emmet, Alice and Jasper, Esme and Carlisle. I felt awkward just standing there alone. I felt jealousy burn through my body

"It's great to finally meet you Bella" Carlisle said, his golden eyes twinkling with delight. I heard Rosalie snort but, I ignored her

"Likewise" I said and smiled at him

"He's here!" Alice practically sang.

"Who?" I asked her quietly. Before she could respond a guy stepped in

He was beautiful, even for a vampire. He had strange bronze colored hair with deep golden eyes. He had high cheekbones, a sharp thin nose and a strong jaw line. He was too beautiful to be human. He was too familiar, way too familiar. I heard a loud gasp and was surprised to find out that it was me. I knew him, I knew him very well. He was none other than my human husband who I had thought was dead for over 100 years. Edward.

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	14. falling down

I was falling. I was falling into a pitch black ground. I couldn't see anything, I think I was fainting, I really didn't know. I think I was going into shock. I think I was having a heart attack, nothing made sense right now. nothing. if you told me right now that pigs could fly I would've believed you. I was falling hard. had I hallucinated him? was I dreaming? had I gone crazy? all these questions ran through my mind but, i couldn't find any answer. my mind was completely blank as i fell, i don't know where i was falling, i didn't even care. maybe i had died, maybe i was in heaven. he was alive. Edward was alive. he was not dead, he was never dead. this was way too much for me to deal with, my mind was completely blank and i was falling. i wanted to faint, i wanted to know that this was not a dream. this cant be a dream, destiny cant play such a cruel joke on me.

i still couldn't see anything, i still couldn't hear anything. i felt annoyed, i wanted to see Edward's face. i wanted to touch him to make sure he was real. maybe this was some cruel joke. all this time i had mourn his death and it turns out that he was a vampire just like me. all the tears i had shed, they were for nothing. all this time he was alive and he didn't even tell me? he didn't even bother to tell me that he was a vampire? nothing made sense, it was like when water dripped from a sink. drip. drip. drip. Edward. Edward. Edward. his name got burned into my mind. this was too much for my brain. i had spent a century thinking he was dead, i had mourn his death so much and now it turns out that he's alive? maybe this was a joke, destiny was playing a sick cruel joke with me.

my mind seemed to start working again. this cant be a dream because i don't even sleep. he was really here with me, he was really alive. he wasn't dead. James hadn't killed. my body was filled with joy, Edward was here. my Edward. he wasn't dead. my husband was here. slowly i started to hear again but, i still couldn't see anything

"what the-" Emmet

"she's dead!-" Rosalie. i wanted to snort but i couldn't find my voice

"OH MY GOD! is Bella okay? what's happening?-" Esme

"BELLA! OPEN YOUR EYES!-" hysterical Alice

"whoa! what-" Jasper

"everybody quite! give her some room! everybody go to the side!" Carlisle. i still didn't hear the voice i wanted to hear. the sweet velvety voice

an awkward silence followed. everybody was waiting for me to open my eyes but, i was already awake. i didn't want to open my eyes, not really. i was afraid of what i might find. i was afraid that i had hallucinated Edward, i was afraid that he would disappear the moment i opened my eyes, i was afraid that he wasn't real, i was afraid i had mistaken somebody else for Edward. i was afraid of so many things and they all connected to one person, it would kill me if i opened my eyes and didn't find him. suddenly it hit me: what if he really was here? what if he was waiting for me to to open my eyes? what if he was actually standing there, staring at me? i had to open my eyes!

I slowly opened my eyes. 8 vampire stared back at me, their eyes wide and never blinking. I didn't look at _him _just yet, I wasn't ready. I would probably fall again if I looked at him, I had to prepare myself. I had to prepare my mind. If he was actually standing behind me, I would probably 'faint' again. Even if he wasn't standing behind me I would 'faint'. Either way I would 'faint'. This was way too much for my vampire brain. It was killing me that I hadn't looked at him yet but, could you blame me? what if he wasn't real? I was terrified.

"BELLA! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOU?" Alice all but screamed at me. I blinked twice and really focused on her. But, my mind wouldn't work right. There was a possibility that _he _might be standing right behind me, how could I focus on anything but him?

If I didn't answer Alice, she would probably rip my head of so i slowly said "I don't know?" but, it came out more like a question.

"YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU DON'T KNOW?" Alice screamed at me again. I blinked 3 more times and slowly shook my head. all my thought were on _h__im_, it was getting hard for me to focus on Alice

"Alice. Calm down." Jasper said in a soothing tone. I gave him a grateful smile, he nodded back. Suddenly Carlisle was standing in front of me, his expression all doctor like. "Bella, does this happen often?" he asked me in a serious tone. i slowly shook my head

"so you're saying this is the first time this has happened?" i slowly nodded. he frowned and at me.

"I'm not sure what happened back there. I've never seen anything like it before" he sounded frustrated

"it's okay. i'm fine" a total and complete lie. I wasn't okay, how the hell could I be okay when _he_ might be standing right behind me? Jasper frowned at me

"why are you so anxiose?" he asked me slowly. Quick! think of something, think of some lie!

"uh i think i didn't lock my car" I said lamely. I couldn't think of anything more interesting, my whole brain was thinking about _him_.

"A car girl huh? i think you and Rose will get along just fine" Emmet said and laughed a big belly laugh.

"i don't think so" Rosalie sneered. I didn't even pay any attention to her. I couldn't pay any attention to anyone. Jasper frowned again but, thankfully didn't open his mouth.

Esme came forward with a small frown on her loving face. she gently touched my cheek. "are you really okay, dear?" she asked lovingly. I gave her a tiny smile. "I'm absolutely fine" the lies were coming more naturally. Esme frowned again but nodded.

Alice ran towards me and scowled. "you gave me a heart attack! one minute you're standing and the next you're laying on the floor with your eyes closed! i didn't even see it coming!" Alice scowled again. "I'm sorry?" it sounded more like a question. Alice huffed but, then smiled. "all is forgiven!" she said and gave me a small hug. i patted her back slowly

"uh huh" somebody cleared their throat. i froze, i literary freaking froze. it was him. it was his voice, soft and velvety. he was here, i could always recognize that voice. even in hell. it was so soft and velvety, i felt my hear clench. he was really here, i wasn't dreaming, he was actually behind me. he was really here. joy burst through my whole body. he was here. my Edward was here!

"Oh! this is Bella!" Alice said and flipped me around effortlessly.

i was falling. i was falling again but, this time everything didn't black out. No this time everything brightened. i felt the whole world brightened. the sun was more shinier, the flowers were more colorful and the world was a happy place again. my heart got stuck in my throat. i opened my mouth and closed it again. He was here. Edward was here. I had a reason to live again. something in me changed, it felt like i was in a whole new body. i felt happiness for the first time in a hundred years. i had missed that feeling, it felt like i was running over the moon. my head was in the clouds. he was here. my reason to live was here

he looked the same. the same full red lips, the same high cheekbones, the same strong jaw, the same thin nose. only one thing was different though. his eyes. oh! his eyes! they were a beautiful golden color. i felt like his golden eyes were peering in my sole, it felt like they could see right through me. his eyes were diffrent than the other cullen's. yes they were the same color but, something was diffrent. his eyes were liquid, it felt like caramel was flowing through his body. the other cullen's eyes were a frozen gold color but, his were liquied. he was beautiful.

memories from the past started to show themselves. the first time i saw Edward, the first 1 second kiss, the first dance. him saving me from James. i couldn't believe it, Edward was standing right next to me. i didn't care that this was all wrong, we both shouldn't be alive. he was here, my life had a meaning again. my dead life was worth living again. happy unshed tears made my eye watery but, none fell. the tears were frozen, like me. both Edward and i had forever now, we had forever to love.

"Edward" i said softly. he was here, my Edward was here

**hey! yay! i finally finished writing this chapter :) soooo Edward's here! who's happy? i know i am. the next thing- the winner of the chapter competition is... ILUVPIYNK! congratulations! you'll be receiving chapters before i upload them and lots of sneak peaks! thank you to all the other people who sent me their chapters! they were all amazing and i loved them all but, sadly there could be only one winner! 3 more things! 1- i just finished the short second life of bree tanner! (i know i know, took me long enough) but, it was a amazing book! made me cry a bit too but, it was great! 2- i just came to know that breaking dawn will be split into two movies... cool but, who'll play nessie? and 3- make sure you COMMENT! :)**


	15. love is full of pain

"Edward" I breathed. My voice shook a bit, my legs grew weak. I had to hold on to the counter, so I wouldn't fall. Edward's face gave out nothing, his face was blank. It was like staring at a perfect statue. My lips trembled, I wanted to say so much but, I couldn't open my mouth. This moment was so beautiful, both of us just staring at each other. I never thought I would see him again, I never thought he would be standing in front of me one day. I opened my mouth again but, still no words came out of my mouth. I needed to know that he was actually real, actually standing in front of me. I raised my hand to touch him, to touch his cheek. Slowly, slowly I brought up my hand, my fingers still shook.

Just when I was about to touch him, Edward took a step back.

"I'm sorry, but do I know you?" he said with a confused glance

Those words, those six words did it. My heart clenched, my muscles tightened, my throat swelled and I felt my eyes getting watery. Then came the hurt, air was knocked out of my body system, it felt like I couldn't breathe. My heart started to sting, it felt like a thousand needles where poking my heart. I felt my world crash, felt my whole world getting destroyed again. Destiny was a joke, a sick cruel joke. How could my life play such a sick joke on me? Why was god doing this to me? I couldn't breathe, my heart was falling apart, and it felt like it was breaking into a million little pieces. I had never experienced anything like this before; it was like somebody had ripped my heart off, burned it, drove a car over it and then put it back. My life was over, the happiness was gone, and sadness was back in my life. But, this was worst than before. I gasped out loud; letting my heart cry. I could almost hear my dead frozen heart crying. I hugged myself, trying to decrease the pain, trying to hold my heart from breaking but, it didn't work. My heart still ached, my heart still cried. My muscles cramped up, tearing from my bones as my hands curled into a claw. I stood there unable to do anything except suffer, I couldn't even speak, my body was too shock and in too much pain

The pain was too much to bear, I felt like somebody was suffocating me. Edward doesn't know who I am, doesn't remember me, doesn't remember anything about our past. While he didn't remember anything, I remember everything. While he forgot everything, I saved all the memories like they were precious jewels. He didn't care, if he did care he wouldn't have let himself forget, he didn't care about me. He didn't give me any thought all these years, he didn't even remember me. I sucked in a huge breath, trying to limit the pain and hurt, trying to stop my heart from hurting. I could almost hear the wails and sobs coming from my heart. He forgot me, de doesn't remember me, he doesn't care. I squeezed myself tighter but, it didn't help, I was still in pain. I felt the whole room spin as my mind focused on the pain, the pain was making me want to kill myself, it was worst that when you turn into a vampire. It felt like a thousand burning needles were jabbed in my heart at the same time, felt like my heart was on fire. I gasped out loud again, my heart in searing pain that got worst with each second that passed by.

Edward was staring at me, his eyebrows furrowed. I felt like he was trying to figure out what was happening to me. Hell if I knew the answer. The way he was looking at me, I felt like he was trying to do something. His beautiful eyes looked frustrated but, his expression changed when he looked at me. I wasn't sure what I looked like right now but, noticing from Edward face it was probably bad, He looked horrified.

"Are you okay?" he asked me. My heart ached even more, his voice was so beautiful. He forgot me though, he doesn't remember me, the pain was unbearable, I felt my knees buckle in and fell on the ground. My lips tremble and my hands shook. My life was an amazing joke, it was almost funny.

In a second there were a lot of faces in front of me. Voices swarmed around me, trying to get my attention but my attention was only given to Edward. His eyes looked alert; like he was waiting for something to happen. I felt something touch my arm, my eyes flickered to the person.

Then did I notice the beautiful girl that stood next to Edward. She was breathtaking, I was sure she was just as beautiful when she was human. A small breeze blew her short platinum hair away from her face. She was amazingly beautiful with a small cute nose, thin lips, high cheekbones and beautiful big expressive golden eyes. She looked genially concerned. Then did I notice the one thing that pierced my heart, the one thing that made me want to kill myself. the one thing that hurt the most, the one thing that made me lose all hope that I had, the one thing that made me want to scream.

Her long pale fingers were securely laced with Edward's.

I left my heart shatter like glass, felt it burn, felt it cry, felt it scream and wail, felt it sob. This girl was Edward's mate. She was Edward's love, he loved her. They were happy together. Edward already had a mate. He didn't want me, he didn't need me, he had this girl for him. I was sure, this girl loved Edward with all her heart, I was sure they spent all their time together, laughing and kissing and loving each other. It was so oblivious to me that this girl was in love with Edward, you could just tell that from her face. I couldn't tell how Edward felt because he was always so hard to read but, I was pretty sure he loved her too. They were happy together.

Time stopped as I felt my heart sink. It felt like my bones were tearing apart slowly, one by one. It was the same feeling like the day I'd broken my leg as a little kid when I'd tried to climb a tree. The only difference was only my leg hurt that time because I'd broken it but, now my whole body hurt because Edward had broken me. He had completely broken me and left me to die.

If I didn't get out of this place, I would surely go crazy from all this pain. I needed to get out of here. I didn't want to see Edward or his mate. I didn't want my heart to heart more than it already was. I didn't want to do anything, I just wanted to die. Get this pain over with, get my life over with

I jumped up, without any explanations and ran out the Cullen household. I didn't give any reasons as to why I was leaving, I just ran. But, I looked back. I could see Edward's confused gaze at me as I ran out the door. I ran and ran letting the fresh air sooth me, trying to sooth my wailing heart. But, nothing seemed to work. The sun was setting now, it was almost night time, and the sky was a beautiful black / orange color. If I hadn't been in so much pain I would've enjoyed looking at the sky. I ran into the forest without thinking, sitting in the middle of nowhere.

Loud, sobs filed with pain and hurt erupted from my chest. Finally, I could take out all the frustration, anger, hurt, pain and betrayal out. The sobs were painful to hear, they sounded so sad and depressed. My heart cried as I sobbed loudly, I felt like life was laughing at me, laughing at how desperate and pathetic I am. My whole world came crashing down, just when I thought life was going to give me happiness, it snatched it away from me again. Whenever I thought I was going to be happy life always took it away, it was as if it hated seeing me happy. I deserved happiness, I'd spent 101 years in sadness, was happiness too much to ask? Did life always have to make me sad; couldn't it bear to see me happy? A huge howl escaped my mouth, how could Edward do this to me? How could he let himself forget me? How could he not remember anything? I knew he never liked me, not until the last few days. The last day we had spent together, it almost seemed like he liked me, not love me but like me. He had touched my cheek that day, and chuckled as I'd let my cheek blush. He had liked my company back then, how could he have forgotten? I never let myself forget anything about him; even if I tried I couldn't forget. He was burned into my mind forever. He was the only thing that could really hurt me, that could make me want to kill myself. No matter how much he hurt me, how much pain and hurt he caused me, I would always remember him. I loved him I realized. I loved Edward. People always said that love is painful; you always get hurt when you love somebody. It was better not to love, you would never get hurt. I didn't want to love Edward but I couldn't control myself. I couldn't control how I feel and I hated myself for that. if I wouldn't have ever loved Edward, I would've been happy, I would have never spent an eternity being depressed, would have never experience this pain. would've never let anything hurt me.

I heard some noise near me but, I didn't care. I didn't care if somebody was here to kill me. I would actually be happy if somebody was here to kill me, it would at least end my pain. Then I smelled the familiar scent, it was Marie. I burst into louder sobs when I saw her

In a second she in front of me, hugging me trying desperately to make me feel better. I sobbed and sobbed, letting out all the pain and anger, letting out all the frustration and love, letting out all the hurt. I didn't know how long I sobbed for, how long I sat there holding on to Marie. Finally, my sobs went mute, I was still crying from the inside though. I just didn't have the energy to sob more, I felt mentally exhausted. I felt a lot better, I had finally poured out my heart but, my heart still continued to ache. But, compared to before it was much better.

"You're not okay" Marie said quietly. The best thing about Marie, she doesn't ask stupid questions, just states the obvious. I didn't say anything just nodded.

"Come on lets go home" Marie looked at me, her expression mixed with confusion and concern. Another good thing about Marie, she doesn't press for details. She'll never ask for the story, she'll just listen when you talk.

"N-No" my voice shook. Marie raised her eyebrows at me

"No?" she asked

"n-no" I confirmed and put my head between my knees. It was hard to speak and not burst into sobs again. It hurt when I talked

"Okay then" I heard Marie say. I heard a loud thud and knew she was sitting next to me

I sat there, in the middle of nowhere, hurting. I knew Marie wasn't going to leave, and I knew she wasn't going to ask for details. That bothered me; I wanted her to ask what was wrong. I wanted her to press her details. I wanted to tell her what was wrong, why was I crying. I slowly lifted my head and looked at Marie; Marie smiled at me in a knowing way

"So now you want you want to talk about it, right?" I don't know how she figured it out. I nodded slowly

"Let's begin!" she smiled enthusiastically. I opened my mouth but, nothing came out. How was I supposed to explain this to Marie? How was I suppose to tell her all this? It pained me to even think about this! How could I tell her and not be hurt? I opened my mouth again but, closed it

"It's bad" Marie stated the oblivious again. I needed to decide, I had to tell Marie or else I would go crazy. I had to do this. I squeezed my eyes shut, preparing for the pain.

"E-Edward's alive" it hit me like a ton of brick. I flew back as my heart broke into little tiny pieces again. I felt like somebody was throwing fire at me, like somebody was burning me. It hurt to even say his name; it hurt to even think about him. I gasped loudly trying to decrease the pain. I counted to 5- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5- I forced myself to reduce the pain, forced myself to not let the pain overcome me. The pain reduced and I was finally able to open my eyes.

I would've laughed at Marie's face if the situation was different. Marie's eyes were huge and her mouth was parted like she was going to say something. Her long red hair flowed in the air, making her look wild. I'd never seen her look like this before, she was always calm and collected, never let anything surprise her.

"Umm… okay?" she sounded unsure.

"He's alive" I said again. The pain was easier to ignore now. Marie rearranged her features.

"Tell me the whole story" her eyebrows furrowed as she prepared to learn the whole story. I took a deep breath, hoping I could do this, hoping I wouldn't break again.

"I met Alice" Marie's eyebrows went up even more

"She took me to her house wanting me to meet her family so I went. Then I saw E-Edward. I blacked out, and then I understood he doesn't remember me. He already has a mate" I told the story in a very short version because I was sure I would start crying if I told her the full version. I choked back a huge sob; it still felt like somebody was throwing fire at me

Marie stayed quiet for several moments. I knew she knew that I was in pain. She bowed her head and tucked her red hair behind her ears. I waited for her to say something, anything. Would she think this was funny? Would she think this was sad? Or would she think this was weird? I continued to stare at her, ignoring my aching heart which was starting to hurt more by the second

She finally looked at me, her eyes getting watery "I'm so sorry" she whispered. I closed my eyes and let them get watery all over again. I wanted to cry, wanted the tears to fall out of my eyes. I wanted to scream at the sky, asking why destiny was doing this to me. I wanted to scream and cry until I died. I wanted so many things. I shook my head slowly, letting my hair fall in my face.

"My life's a sick joke" I sighed and bit back another sob. Marie didn't say anything just sat there

It was midnight; the sky was a pitch black color, the stars sparkling like little diamonds, the moon a brilliant silver color. I loved the stars and moon. Something about them made me feel all warm and fuzzy; they were like my personal escape. Whenever I felt sad I would look up at moon and somehow it would manage to cheer me up, maybe because it was just so pretty, I don't know but today not even the moon or the stars could make me feel better. In fact I felt like they were laughing at me, I've really gone crazy now. All because of him.

"Let's go home, Bella" Marie looked at me.

"Home. Right" I whispered. Marie got up and looked at me sadly; I got up slowly and took off, not knowing what would happen, not knowing how will I ever survive, not knowing if I would ever get better.

* * *

**i know, i know. i took forever to upload, im sorry! i was in hawaii touring the whole state! so please forgive me! i know, most of you'll are planning to kill me now, how could i let Edward forget Bella and get a new mate? oh the horror! but, i promise this story has a great happy ending! we'll see a lot of Edward in the next couple of chapters and we'll also get to know how the hell was he changed into a vampire!**

**i know i promised you guys i would post an Edward's pov if i won 1, 2, 3 place for the best fanic or best author award... unfortunately i didn't win :( so, i will not be posting that Edward's pov, im not trying to punish you guys or anything, i love you guys but, the E' pov is really shabby, its incomplete and full and full of mistakes! and i dont want my readers to read the terrible chapter! i know i could fix the mistakes and all but there are 2 reasons as to why i cant do that- 1 reason, im too busy with school and dancing! i'm currently posting this chapter at 3 in the morning! and the 2 reason- im too lazy, even if i did have time (which is really rare) i would like to spend it with my freinds or watching tv! im sorry! but, i might post the E' pov in the future when im finished with this story **

**do you guys like this chapter? i know it's kinda sad but what did you think! please tell me what i did wrong so i can fix it in the future!oh and one more thing does anybody here have blueish/ greenish/ grayish eyes? my freind keeps saying i have really wierd eyes, she hasnt seen eyes like me ever before, so i was just wondering if anybody has eyes like me! the quistion of the day is related to this...**

**quistion of the day- what's you eyes color?**

**laters babes!**

**mahi :)**


	16. this is not okay

I gingerly sat down on my bed, staring straight outside the window. It was snowing lightly making the whole town look like a winter wonderland, but I hated it. I hated snow and rain and anything that's related to it. I let my eyes drop to my floor. Staring at the dark wooden floor for what seemed like hours. That's what I did every day, stare at the floor blankly. Not thinking not moving just staring. I don't know how many days have passed since the last time I saw _him_, maybe a day maybe a week maybe a whole year. I didn't know but, according to Marie it was two weeks. _his_ words haunted me, made me want to kill myself. _He_ didn't know who I was. I blinked once not feeling any emotions, I sighed in relief as I didn't feel any emotions. That's how it has been for the past weeks, I wouldn't feel any emotions, not happiness, not anger, not hurt, not pain, nothing. Nada. In a way I was kind of glad, at least I won't be hurting any more. But I couldn't feel anything at all, I felt numb. I felt like I had no soul, I felt like I was a zombie. A living dead. I was also acting like a zombie, not even talking to anyone, not even Marie my best friend. I just didn't feel like talking or walking or living. Yeah that right, I didn't feel the urge to live anymore. All I wanted to do was sit on my bed and let the whole world end. That would be great. I wonder if the world will actually end in 2012, will it? if it does end will the vampires also die? I hope yes, yes that would be great, amazing even. Then all of us could die, together. It was kind of selfish just because I wanted to die doesn't mean everybody else wanted to die but hell if I cared. I didn't care. I didn't care about anything really. the earth could swallow me whole if it wanted and I wouldn't care. Not at all, I would just patiently sit there and wait until it did swallow me . I concentrated hard on the floor noticing a design for the first time. That's what our problem is, we didn't notice things. We just sat there like total idiots and forget about people even if the people we forgot about cared deeply about you. Surprisingly I didn't feel any anger in my heart. I still couldn't bring myself to say the word l-o-v-e. L-O-V-E. That was the L word. That word was a curse; nobody should ever mess with that world. Why couldn't everybody in the whole world just be happy without the L word? I furrowed my eyebrows and wondered what that word meant. What did it mean anyways? What did that word mean? It meant pain. If you didn't mess with that word you would always be happy. That word caused you more pain and hurt that you could ever imagine. People often said love was amazing and it meant happiness. Those people were big fat liars. Love didn't mean happiness, it meant pain. How could these people not understand that?

I let my mind wonder for a while. My mind rested on a picture of a girl with platinum hair and big golden eyes. It was the girl who I had seen with _him. His _mate. She was actually really pretty, when I'd first seen her I was in way too much pain to even look at her properly but, now when I was feeling nothing I could actually see how pretty she was. She was a natural beauty, nothing like me. While I was a plain Jane, she looked like a super model. An eclectic shiver ran down my spine, I shook my head slowly as if to clear my thoughts and let my mind wander again. My mind stopped at another picture. But, this time It was me as a human girl. I curiously wondered what happened to my parents. I never did actually see them again; I missed them occasionally and always wondered if they were doing okay. In the picture I was smiling broadly, this was before I got married. Foggy memories showed themselves. It was the time of my 15th birthday. I'd been so happy back then, always smiling. I wished I could go back in time and relieve the moment. That would be amazing. I sighed and lay back on my bed. My mind went blank and time flew by quickly. When I finally looked out the window, I noticed it was night time. A soft knock on the door made me jump. I didn't say anything just stared at the door wanting the person to go away. Marie and Stephen have left me alone for most of the time but, every night they would knock on my door wanting me to open it. But I never did. I didn't want to talk to anybody, just wanted to sit in my room all day.

"Open the door" Marie's voice ranged out the door. I didn't reply just continued to stare at the door. Usually Marie would just knock and when I didn't reply she would just go away. This was different

"Open the door, Bella" a much gentler voice said. It was Stephen. I didn't respond

"Damn it! Open the door right now!" Marie's voice held frustration and anger.

"Please open the door" Stephen begged. I still didn't say anything. I just wanted them to go away.

"I swear to god, if you don't open the door I'm breaking it and coming inside" Marie threatened me. She wouldn't do that right?

Suddenly I heard a loud thud and saw the door frame fall flat on the floor. my eyes met a pair of angry ones and a pair of concerned once. I didn't say anything just blinked at them

"What. The. Hell? Marie growled. Her eyes searching mines for answered. I gave her a blank face

"Why didn't you open the freaking door?" she almost yelled at me which is weird because Marie never really yells. I shrugged.

"What the hell has gotten in to you? wh-" Stephen cut her off

"Marie, Marie! Calm down!" Stephen said gently. He gave me small sympathetic smile but, I couldn't smile back.

"Stephen would you mind giving us some privacy" Marie clenched her fist and took deep breathes. When she opened her eyes, she looked much calmer.

Stephen hesitated but nodded finally. He walked towards me and put his hand on my forearm. "It's going to be alright" he whispered and patted my hand. He got up quickly and in a flash he was out of the door. I stared at Marie, her face slowly breaking. She grabbed her head like it was hurting and rubbed her eyes. She sighed and sat down next to me.

"Why?" she asked me. She finally looked up at me, he eyes questioning mine. I gave her a confused glance

"Why?" she asked me again. I blinked two more times

"Why are you hurting yourself? Why are you shutting yourself out from everybody? Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to hurt yourself? Why? Why? Why?" she asked me. Anger buried in her black eyes. I looked at her in pure shock

"I'm not hurting myself" I mumbled for the first time in two weeks. I heard Marie sighed

"Yes you are. You're not talking, or walking, or smiling, or laughing or even hunting!" she argued with me.

"You're like a freaking zombie! You're alive but you're dead! Why the hell are you paying for his mistake, he's the one who forgot-"

"Marie stop it" I said weakly. I didn't want her to remind me. somebody saying it made me hurt and i didn't wasnt to hurt. i didn't want the pain to be back. i wanted to be numb for the rest of my life

"No you need to listen. You can't do this; you can't do this over him. I won't let you! He doesn't even remember you for shit's sake! He doesn't even care! He moved on and so will you! You can't spend forever being like this! You can't do that Bella! He doesn't even love you-"

"Stop it" my voice cracked and I felt the pain creeping back in. but, Marie didn't even listen.

"You stop it Bella, you stop it! You can't do this to yourself. You can't live like this. You can't avoid happiness, you can't avoid living. Just because he doesn't remember you don't mean it's the end of the whole world. You can live you know, you can find someone else to love just like he did. You married him, I didn't say anything. You cried when he died I didn't say anything. You spent a whole century grieving his death I still didn't say anything. But, it's too much now Bella, it's too much! I can't let you be like this. He left you, he forgot you, he doesn't care, and he doesn't love you! Get over him, get over him Bella! He doesn't want you! Stop wasting your life over him! Find someone else, there are tons of vampire in the water Bella! I even know a few who are actually interested in you. You have to live; I can't let you do this to yourself. I can't, I just can't. I can't let my best friend, my sister die like this. He doesn't love you! He doesn't care! He doesn't want you! He moved on!"

I felt emotions run through my whole body. Pain was here again, it was back in my life. a loud gasp filled the whole room; I felt a thousand burning needles being jabbed in my heart again. I hunched over and squeezed myself together trying to hold myself. I felt like a huge whole had been plunged into my chest, felt like I couldn't breathe. A loud scream filled the whole house and I was surprised to find out that it was mine. I felt a hand touch mine and squeeze it tightly. Sobs filled the whole room, making the environment depressed. It felt good to sob, it seemed like lately that was the only thing I'd ever done.

My sobs quitted down after a bit. My heart finally stopped hurting. With shaky fingers I brushed my hair back and lay down on my bed. I felt the bed move; I slowly opened my eyes to find Marie staring at me an apologetic look on her face.

"I'm sorry for hurting you but, I had to do it" her voice sounded upset. I nodded slowly.

"I-I know" I said faintly. I felt her grab my wrist, I looked at Marie again. She was looking at the ceiling. Her eyes far away, I felt like she was having a flashback. After a while she looked down at me and smiled sadly.

"Do you want to know about the painting down in the hallway?" she asked me quietly. I stared at her in shock. She never talked about that painting. Never. And when I mean never, I mean never. That painting was taboo; if anyone ever brought it up she would stiffen up immediately and would change the topic. That painting was absolutely beautiful, it was a perfect art. The painting showed a girl bowing her head; her face was hidden because of her long red hair. She was sitting near a lake. The most important part about the painting was the tear. There was a tear falling from her eyes. The tear was shining brightly in that picture. It had startled me when I'd first actually seen the painting. Marie never talked about that painting, not even to me. Sometimes I would see her glaring at the picture as if she wanted to destroy it but, couldn't. Marie's eyes went slack again.

"I was in love. I was terribly and hopelessly in love. I had gone crazy, I loved him so much. Lucas. His name was Lucas smith" she whispered the last part. I stared at her in surprise. She was in love with Lucas smith? His family was really wealthy; they owned a lot of land. I couldn't remember what he did for a living though.

"I met him in a ball. He found me there, charming me with his witty remarks and smiles. I was sure I was in love with him right from there. We kept meeting like that, at Balls, at the market and sometimes he would even come into my father's shop to meet me. One day I got a message telling me to meet him at the pin point lake. I went there and that's where I told him I loved him. He told me he loved me too. We were both happy together, walking together hand in hand and stealing a few kisses here and there. I asked him about our marriage, when will we get married? He said he'd go ask my father for my hand but only on one condition" she laughed bitterly. Her eyes flaring in anger, she looked murderous.

"What was the condition?" I asked her softly. She looked up, her haunted gaze rested on me.

"He said he'd marry me only I let him make love to me" I gasped out loud. Marie smiled bitterly.

"I was shocked disgusted even. I told him no, I didn't believe in sex before marriage. He told me he loved me that's why he wanted to make love to me, to show me how much he cared, to show me how much he loved me. He wanted to show me how he would make love to me every day after we were married. He showered me with promises of the future, promising me he would love me forever. I was young and naïve, I believe him. I let him make love to me. And then I heard he was already engaged to a girl. He used me, he never loved me, and he was never going to marry me." Marie eyes were burning with fire making her look like a predetor. I felt my heart clenched, I felt sorry for her. I was hurting for her. I put my hand on her arm and gave her a little squeeze. She gave me a small smile and started with her story.

"I was devastated. I felt hurt and depressed, I couldn't believe I'd let him have my virginity. I couldn't believe I'd done that. I wanted to kill myself; I had no reason to live. If anyone in the town found out I would definitely be dead. Nobody would ever marry me and my father would probably put pull a knife out and cut my head off. My family would never be able to handle the shame. Nobody would even marry my sisters. I had to kill myself, I couldn't live. But, then I couldn't let myself die, I couldn't give up my life because another life was living in me" I gasped out loud again. My mouth hung open. I gaped at her like a fish. Marie didn't wait for me to comment.

"I was pregnant. I was carrying Lucas's child in my womb. Even though I hated Lucas with all my heart, I loved my unborn child. I couldn't let myself die; if I died it would die too. My little angel, it was the only thing that kept me from dying. But, how would I ever survive? My father would kill us both if my baby was ever born. He would rip both our heads off. I didn't know what to do so I went to Lucas. I didn't have a choice; he was the only person who could save us. He wouldn't let his own child die, I knew that. So I went to him and he gave me a lot of money. Told me to run away to a small village where no one would bother me. He had a small hut there, he told me to go live there with my baby. I agreed, I thought I had a chance to save my baby. I was planning to run away the next day at midnight, I had planned everything. The next day I heard my father talking to women, and I instantly recognized her, she was Lucas's fiancée and she was giving my father money. I knew what was happening instantly, she was bribing my father. she wanted him to kill me. She knew that I was pregnant with Lucas's child. I knew there was no way I could run, she was a vile woman. If she wanted me kill, she would have me killed. I knew my father would kill me for that much money, I knew that. I didn't know what to do, i didnt know what i could do. i went to the lake where my picture's setting is taken i was just sitting there bowing my head. And that's where he bit the shit out of me. I was just dyeing but then you found me" she whispered. She looked awfully calm.

"The picture was from that memory?" I asked her quietly. She nodded

"I was just sitting there, on that bench crying my eyes out" she looked out the window

"I never forgave myself you know. I could've fought back. Could've run away. But I couldn't bring myself to. I was young and naïve. I didn't know. I often think about my baby, what if it had been born. I never forgave myself. It was killing me, I wanted to die. I had killed my baby. It still hurts to think about him but, I moved on Bella. I don't think about him every day and every second of my life. You have to free yourself" Marie said. The determination in her voice was clear

I was blown away by this. I never knew about this, I didn't know how much pain she was in. I couldn't believe she actually got pregnant, this was so sad. If this would've happened to me I would probably be an emotional wreck. Marie wasn't always this calm and strong. When we were both humans, she was a wild and crazy girl. She would do crazy and stupid things. She was lively and funny and totally out of control but, after becoming a vampire she was always calm and collected. She hardly slipped out of control.

"It's hard, you know" I whispered. I felt Marie squeeze my shoulder.

"I know and I'll be here if you ever need me. Just let me know if you want to light someone or something on fire, I would be more than happy to help" I felt my right lip curve up. It wasn't a smile but, it was a start.

"It's going to be okay" she patted my back. "I hope so Marie, I hope so" I sighed brushed my hair away from my face

"So what do you say, want to go watch human movie?" I didn't feel like watching a movie. Hell, I didn't feel like doing anything. But, I had to. I had to get my mind off things.

"Okay" I said

"Okay as in 'sure Marie, let's go watch a movie and have fun!' or 'okay Marie, whatever. I don't care" she mimicked my voice perfectly. My right lip curved up a little again but, it still wasn't a real smile

"A little of both I guess" she grinned and got off the bed. I followed her out the door – which was broken really bad, even the wall had cracks in them – and followed her to the living room.

I saw Stephen smile broadly at me; he seemed excited that I was here. I forced my lip to curve up again. I heard Marie gasp out loud.

"What did you do to my new Mac laptop?" she growled. Her laptop was broken into little pieces.

"It beat me at chess but, it was no match to me at kick boxing" I actually smiled. I actually smiled! I felt wonder and admiration run through my body. Was I getting better? Was I finally forgetting Edw-

No I wasn't. The whole in my heart started to ache again. I swallowed and rubbed my eyes. Marie and Stephen stopped bickering and sat down on the couch with me. Marie put on a movie and lay down on the conch. Stephen stretched out his legs and spread his arms. I just sat there stiffly

I sat there with a blank mind. I couldn't concentrate on the movie or anything else. My mind just went blank. When the movie finally came to an end I blinked twice. I looked around the room and saw Marie and Stephen getting up.

"Where are you going?" I asked them.

"All of us are going to school" Marie declared. I blinked once

"no, you're going to school" I corrected her cautiously. Marie shook her head

"No. we're all going to school. It's been sixteen days since the last time we went to school, you have to come Bella"

"No, I don't want to"

"You have to, you can't hide here all the time" Marie said strictly

"I can if I want to"

"No you can't"

"I can"

"No. you. Cant." Marie said angrily

"Yes. I. can" I said with equal anger

"Come on Bella. It's going to be okay. Marie's right Bella you can't hide here the whole time, you have to go to school" Stephen said gently. Stephen had a way with words; he was always so gentle and caring that you just couldn't say no.

"Um, I…" my voice trailed off

"I know you don't want to see them but, you'll have too. If we could we would move again but, we can't because it's summer and this is the only place where the sun isn't glaring at us." Stephen did make sense.

"But-"

"It's going to be okay Bella, it's all going to be okay" Stephen patted my back again. What was with people patting me all the time? I hesitantly nodded and ran into my room. I sighed and threw on a pair of jeans and some T-shirt.

I sighed as I walked down the stairs towards the garage. I wonder why Alice didn't come after me when I left her house. Maybe because she knew I wanted to be alone. I wasn't ready to face the Cullens again; I wasn't ready to see _him_ and that pretty platinum haired girl. I didn't know what would I do if I did see them again. What would I say? I had no clue. I didn't think my mind was ready for the pain again, this was too much. Sometimes I wish James would have just killed me, and then I wouldn't have to go through this. I would happily be in my grave, in heaven or hell. That would be great.

I nervously sat down in the backseat of Marie's min-night blue Ferrari. What surprised me the most was the Marie threw her keys to Stephen and sat down in the backseat next to me. Marie never let anybody touch her car let alone drive it. Stephen grinned at Marie from the mirror and started to drive. I felt a hand on my arm, I glanced at Marie and saw her flash me a warm smile.

"I'm really sorry. That was really bad" I gave her a confused glance

"What?" I asked her

"When I was forcing you to go to school with us" she sighed. "I'm not really a warm person. I can't do what Stephen did, I'm pretty harsh" she admitted.

"Its okay" I smiled slightly. She smiled back and gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze. I looked up and saw the high school was already in front of me. If I were human my heart would be racing a million miles per minute.

"It's going to be okay Bella. It's all going to be okay" Marie whispered.

I couldn't speak. I was so frightened; I hadn't been this scared in forever. I took a deep shaky breath and opened the door. this couldn't be good. I was in for some trouble

* * *

**hey girlies! did you like this chapter? i know it didnt have any Edward in it but, we'll get to see him in the next chappy :) what do you think happens next? let me know and i'll give you a sneak peak of the next chapter! can you guys feel the pain and hurt that Bella's going through? i just wanted to know what you guys think! the next chapter might take a while! im super duper busy with school and dance but, you'll definately get your update in 2 weeks so please bear with me **

**Question of the day for Edward fans- why do you guys love Edward?**

**Question of the day for Jacob fans- why do you guys love Jacob?**

**keep reviewing and i'll make sure you get your own personal Edward ;)**

**laters babes!**

**MhI**


	17. heartless

My hand shook violently as I slammed my car door. I looked up and saw that Forks High School was the same as ever. The same old beat up cars, the same small shabby parking lot, the same small office in the front of the school, the same annoying gawking humans. I glanced around the whole parking lot, looking for any signs of _them_. I found none. I breathed a long sigh of relief, my anxiousness finally settling down. _they_ were not here right now, no not yet. I brushed my dull brown hair away from my face and looked at Marie and Stephen. Marie looked tortured, her eyes painfully glancing around the small school, her body hunched down. Stephen looked amused by the attention he was getting; I realized that this was his first day of school.

"Bella Swan and Marie Swan report to the principal's office immediately. Bella and Marie Swan to the principal's office" a chirpy voice rang out from the speakers.

Marie groaned loudly, it was almost like a hiss. Students stared at us probably wondering why where we suppose to report to the principal's office. I know what we did wrong; we ditched the first day of school and didn't show up for almost two weeks. That's got to earn a strict lecture and a detention. I rubbed my temple as if I had a bad headache. I actually I wished I did have a bad headache- which was completely impossible seeing as how I'm a vampire- then I would actually have something to blame my foul mood on.

"Amazing. This is amazing" I heard Marie grumble darkly

"Let's go. Stephen come with us" I ordered miserably

"Why should I come?" Stephen asked me. His almost golden eyes twinkling with amusement.

"So we can get your admission done" I said with a tiered sigh. I started to walk without looking back. Everybody parted their ways for us as if we were some kind of celebrity. I sighed again, my mood getting even bitterer. As usual the humans started to gossip about us but, they didn't know we could hear them. My face turned up into an irritated scowl. I tried to block those annoying screeching voices. I ran my hand through my hair, a way to let off my frustration. I stepped into the office, Stephen and Marie walking behind my trail. I approached the lady sitting on the front counter with a bored expression on her face. Her face immediately brightened when she saw Stephen, I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"Hello, what can I do for you today?" her voice had gone husky. I think she was trying to seduce Stephen. Stephen just gave her a cocky grin and looked at me.

"We were called to see the principle" she blinked at the harshness in my voice.

"Um- names?" she looked quite scared of me. I instantly felt bad; I was taking out my irritation and anger on her. I tried to soften my expression and smoothen my tone.

"Bella and Marie Swan" I said in a much lighter tone.

"Okay. And why do you need to see the principle?" the girl asked Stephen, batting her blond eyelashes at him. My irritation came back instantly.

"He's with us" I said harshly and impatiently. She nodded timidly and typed something on her old computer.

"You guys are all done! The principal's office is through those doors. I realized you guys are new! So if you need some place to sit please don't hesitate to sit with me! My friends would be so physced to have you guys sit with us! And we can all hang out, so just please ask! By the way I love your scarf-" I let out an irritated sigh. My politeness disappearing in a poof.

"Bye" I said rather rudely and made my way towards the principal's office. I could tell the girl was shooting daggers at me but, hell if I cared.

I didn't care about anything really. I didn't care if I sounded mean or cold or rude. This was actually really strange; I was usually really calm, patient, polite and pretty nice. I can't remember anytime I had been this mean to anybody. I was just really irritated, I felt like something was pressing a rock against my brain. HE was messing with my head, HE was making me this annoyed and sad and upset and frustrated. I shook my head to clear my thoughts; I didn't want to start sobbing again. I needed to forget about HIM but it was impossible. My brain wouldn't let me forget; every time I would blink his beautiful face would appear in front of my eyes. The same face that asked me if he knew me. I had tried to distract myself so many times, trying to think of something else but, all my thoughts would just go back to HIM no matter what I did. It was like water dripped from a sink. Drip, drip, drip. Edward, Edward, Edward. I felt the same needles being jabbed in my heart again but, it was easier to ignore. I felt mentally exhausted, like maybe I had ran a sixty miles marathon or maybe somebody was using bleach to fry my head. I was tiered, which was strange because vampires don't get tiered. They just don't.

I wondered why Alice didn't come after me; why she didn't follow my trail. I was pretty sure she got the hint that I wanted to get the hell out of her house and that I didn't want to talk to her. Would she be here today? In school with me? My breathing started to come faster like maybe somebody was chocking me. STOP! I ordered myself, _STOP LETTING YOUR MIND GO WILD_. Maybe they didn't even come to school but, they did reside a permanent residence so they had to go to school. But, maybe they were all pretending to be college student, and then they wouldn't even have to set a foot in the school property! That thought actually made me happy but, I knew I couldn't avoid them forever. I was hundred percent sure my trail would be long gone, seeing as how it was raining constantly but we could cross paths again, this was a small town. Or maybe they would just spot me somewhere like maybe at the library or something, as I said it was a small town. But, for now it was best that I ignore them. I didn't want to see them, or talk to them, or even smell them. We shouldn't even have met. Then none of this problem would have ever occurred. My heart told me I was lying, I did want to see them. I did want to see HIM again. SHUT UP! I screamed at myself. Maybe I was really going crazy, living as a vampire for a hundred years would do that to you.

I sighed and knocked on the principal's office. "Come in" said a voice. I turned around quickly and warned Marie and Stephen to behave with my eyes. They both rolled their eyes at me. I sighed again and open my door.

The tiny principle looked up, her expression hardened as we walked in. she told us told us to sit down, which we did. She raised one of her brow "can you explain your disappearances on the first day of school?" she asked us in her harsh tone.

I sighed as I tried to think of something "uh my uncle died and we had to go to his funeral" Marie offered. Ms. Bird didn't change her harsh expression.

"Your parents could have at least called the school to inform us that you two won't be coming to school" Ms. Bird said. Her thin lips turning into a scowl

"It happened so suddenly we didn't have time to call the school" I declared. My voice tamed with irritation. The principle grumbled something under her breath, something like 'stupid kids, think they can do anything'. Of course she didn't know we could all hear her.

"Very well then. You two serve a day at detention today" I sighed again. Ms. Bird glanced at Stephen then raised her eyebrows at him.

"And you are?" she asked him. Stephen smiled, showing off his pearly white teeth.

"Stephen. Stephen Martin. I'm their brother." He pointed towards Marie and me.

"And why are you lurking around campus?" Ms. Bird pushed her large glasses over her nose.

"well, I just came back from boarding school and now I want to enroll at Forks high so I was wondering if-" Ms. Bird cut him off

"It's the middle of the quarter and the classes are already full. You can't enroll in this class" Ms. Bird said.

Stephen looked completely at ease, he got up and walked towards Ms. Bird's desk pausing just a few inches from her. He smiled lazily at her, using his full charm. His golden eyes burned into her dull gray ones. His smile never leaving his face, he leaned a little forward pausing just inched from her face. It looked like he was about to kiss the tiny lady.

"Please Ms. Bird?" his sweet breathe blew into her face and I was her inhaling deeply. Her heart skipped a few beats and she looked like she was about to faint.

"Please?" he used his most sexy voice. I knew she would already say yes. Ms. Bird nodded faintly, looking dazzled.

"Thank you. Can we please skip detention today? I feel a little ill" his voice had gone all husky. The lady nodded again, her eyes looking dazed. Stephen quickly pulled back and walked towards us, putting a few feet between him and the principle.

"Thank you" he said and flashed her a grin. The principle nodded again, looking a little frazzled.

"I'll have lily inform the teachers" the principle said to Stephen, smiling for the first time. Stephen just nodded and walked out of the room. Both Marie and I followed him.

"That was beyond disgusting" Marie snorted with laughter. Stephen just nodded

"I didn't think she would crack. She looked pretty harsh" Stephen laughed.

"She probably thought you were going to kiss her!" Marie grinned at Stephen and he made a gagging noise. I just shook my head, thinking about how immature they were.

Both Marie and Stephen gave me confused looks, questions burning in their eyes. I just sighed and plopped down on the bench, bringing up my knees so I could hide my face between them.

I tried to block all the whispers that surrounded me but, it was impossible. There were swarms of voices surrounding me making me more annoyed that I already was.

"Too pretty…"

"There're back..."

"Shit, too pretty to be real. Yummy little redhead..."

"That boy is hot! I would love to let my tongue roam around his mouth…"

My eyes glared fiercely at everybody. They quickly averted their eyes, their instincts telling them to run and hide from us but, there heart telling them to stay and watch. It was like we were in a museum and we were on display. It made me sick; I ran my hand through my long hair- a sign that showed me being really frustrated. My mood-

It suddenly it hit me. My eyes flashed open in a second, my muscles tightened immediately. My mouth went dry. My breath started to come faster and faster. They were here. I could smell them, they had to be here. My horror struck eyes found them. But, there were only three of them standing there. My eyes locked with the tiny black haired girl. Alice. Her confused eyes stared back at me, her eyebrows furrowed. I think I was going to black out again, this was not good. This was horrible. Where were the other three? Where were Jasper and Emmet? And most importantly where was HE? I couldn't even bring myself to say his name. Alice Cullen, my creator stared at me. Her eyebrows held the silent questions I was sure she was dying to ask. I felt my dead frozen heart was pounding in my chest, sending all the blood in my ears, which was impossible considering my heart doesn't even beat. I felt like I was going to throw up, which was impossible too considering I don't even eat. Alice took a step forward and I automatically took a step back. Hurt lingered on her face as she watched me. She took another step forward and I froze. This was terrible, I didn't want to talk to her, and I didn't want to talk to any of them! Just when I thought she was about to take another step forward, a shrilling bell ran out in the campus. I bolted towards my classes, relief flooding through my whole body, I was so glad I didn't have to face her anymore.

A loud cough made me jump. I glanced back and saw Marie and Stephen both giving me confused glances. I totally forgot about them.

"Was that a vampire?" Marie hissed, even thought she knew the answer. I nodded my head slowly, letting the shock sink into the pit of my stomach. Marie's eyes widened, it almost felt like her eyes would pop out of her head.

"Who?" she hissed. Her eyes trained on me, watching my every move like a hawk. I didn't reply, just closed my eyes.

"Bella, who?" Marie's voice held a lot of panic. I still didn't reply, just stood there like a statue.

"Who?" Marie sounded so panicked that I had to tell her. I opened my eyes facing the reality

"Alice Cullen" my dead voice said with no emotions. I thought Marie might even faint. Her eyes went blank and her mouth went slack. Nobody spoke for a while. I turned to face Stephen; his eyes were confused as hell. Then I remembered, he didn't know anything. He didn't know why I had been so depressed for the last few weeks. And he was polite enough not to ask. I couldn't tell him, I couldn't bear to replay the whole story. It would just about kill me; I shook my head at him. Silently telling him not to ask anything, if Marie wanted she could tell him but I just didn't want to. Stephen blinked once but, nodded hesitantly telling me he wouldn't ask. I breathed a sigh of relief. I focused on Marie again. She looked horrified, her mouth turned up into a huge o.

"No!" Marie gasped loudly. Her face begged me to tell her I was kidding. I almost felt a little giddy. I was glad that she had the same reaction as me when I saw Alice.

"Yup, it's true" I said carelessly, like I didn't care one bit.

"How can you be so calm?" Marie whispered. I shrugged. What I didn't tell her was that I wasn't calm. I was panicking.

I was in a totally panic crisis. My brain wasn't working right, my body was locked up. My mouth was completely dry and my stomach had butterflies running in them. I felt flustered; if I were human my heart would probably be beating a hundred miles a minute. But, I didn't show it on my face. Maybe because I wanted to deny that I was panicking or maybe because I didn't want anyone to know but, whatever the reason was I didn't want anybody to know.

Marie stared at me her eyes shifting from being horrified to more horrified. "Are you going into a freak zone? Why are you so calm? Should I slap you to bring you back into your normal self?" she sounded like she was going to burst into tears, she looked horrified

"Nothing's happening to me, I'm completely fine" it was getting easier to lie

"You are not fine! You know what this means, HE'S here!" now she really looked like she was going to burst into tears. Which was impossible.

"I don't know what exactly is going on but, by the look of it a vampire is here" Stephen stepped in. I didn't bother correcting him that there wasn't only one vampire in the school, there were six. When nobody replied, Stephen sighed.

"Maybe we should ditch and go home" Stephen suggested, raising his brow. Marie nodded fiercely, looking like as bubblehead

"No" I said calmly. My eyes trained on the classroom door

"What?" Marie all but, screamed at me. She looked like she was going to explode

"You said we can't move since this is the only place that isn't shining from the sun. We can't move. We have no choice, I have to face them. I can't hide from them forever and you know that" I couldn't even believe I was saying that. It felt like my mouth was moving on it's on.

Marie stared at me. Slowly her eyes became normal again. They weren't blazing with panic anymore, they were almost calm. From her face, I could tell she felt sorry for me and I didn't like that. I hated it when people felt sorry for me, I didn't like the way they looked at you. But, I could see that Marie was hurting. She was hurting for ME and I couldn't be mad at her for that. Marie closed her eyes like maybe she was tiered but, then opened them again after a second.

"You're right, we should stay" Marie said. Her eyes trained on the sidewalk. I nodded even though I knew she couldn't see me. I heard Stephen sigh.

"If that's what you want then okay" Stephen said softly. I felt bad for not telling him the story, but I couldn't. I would lose it if I did. I didn't say anything. I felt like my heart would explode at any moment.

I noticed the school was deserted, I only had one minute to make it to my first class. "We should go to our classes" I said. My voice sounded ghostly. Marie nodded, her eyes fixed on me.

Stephen quickly stepped in front of me and gave me a small half hug. "Just text me if you need anything and I'll be there in a second" he said gently. He smiled at me softly, his gold eyes concerned as they gazed in mine. Then he quickly disappeared, running to his class at vampire speed.

Marie looked at me. There was so much concern in her eyes, it made my heart ache. She loved me; she wanted the best for me. She didn't like seeing me hurt; she wanted me to always be happy. Her eyes peered into my sole, making me shiver lightly. She finally dropped her gaze and stepped forward. She firmly held my hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. Her eyes found mine again, her pretty face twisting into a mixture of hurt and concern. I felt my eyes well up with tears that would never fall. That would never escape my eyes.

"Be safe. Don't do anything stupid." Her voice cracked slightly. she was going all emotional on me.

"I'll be fine" if I said it enough time, maybe it will come true.

She didn't smile. Just stared at me, then she did the strangest thing ever. She hugged me. She actually hugged me! Marie never hugged anybody and nobody hugged her. She hated hugging people, she didn't like the way people showed fake affection. She would kiss people's cheek often but, she would never hug them. Or let anybody hug her, it was like an unspoken rule. You just knew that Marie didn't like being hugged. Marie squeezed me tightly, holding on for a few seconds. When she pulled back her face was marked with worry, making her look older.

"I'll be fine" I whispered letting the pain sink into my heart. Marie didn't say anything just kissed my cheek softly and fled. She disappeared in a second.

I shook my head trying to clear my head but, it was fruitless. My thoughts were still on HIM. It was like HE had done some black magic on me, trapping me with his thoughts. Even if I tried I wouldn't be able to forget him, it was like he had captured me and I couldn't break free. I was stuck with him. I noticed I only had thirty seconds to get to my class. I ran to my class and in a second I was there. I hoped nobody noticed me running.

I entered the class begging to go unnoticed but, that was impossible. The humans gawked at me like I was a pig with wings, making me even MORE irritated. I quietly took a seat in the back of the classroom, letting my eyes drop to my desk.

The teacher introduced me, saying that I was a new student who had just moved from California and telling all the students to be nice to me. I didn't even bother smile at the teacher, I wasn't in a good mood. The class dragged on making me wish I could go to sleep.

I went from place to place, from teachers to teachers, from classes to classes and soon enough it was lunch. I didn't go into the cafeteria today; I didn't want to see THEM. I didn't have enough energy to face them, to talk to them or even see them.

My mind was exhausted from all the thinking I had done. I walked out the school heading towards Marie's midnight blue Ferrari. Marie had given me keys to her car but, I was sure she wouldn't appreciate me going sitting in her car without telling her but, hell if I cared.

I was almost out the campus when a small tap on my waist stopped me. My temper flared, why was somebody touching my waist? It was probably some disgusting horny human teenager thinking he could take me home with him. I turned around ready to yell when I stopped short. I was staring at a little girl, no more than eight years old. Her big blue eyes were focused on me, like maybe she was trying to read my thoughts. Her long strawberry blond curls reached her back. She was an adorable kid, it made my insides soften. The girl laid her eyes on me, trapping me in her innocent blue eyes. We both stared at each other for a while, both of us not knowing what to say. Suddenly she smiled a huge smile showing off her teeth. I noticed her she was missing a tooth in the front but, that just made the girl cuter.

"Hi! My name is Merissa" she spoke clearly. Her eyes never leaving mine. I felt my cheeks curve up even though I was in a bad mood.

"I'm Bella" I said softly, gazing at her. She smiled wider

"That's a pretty name! Can I ask you something?" she asked me eagerly. I couldn't say no, she looked so eager! I nodded quickly telling her to ask away.

"Are you a princess?" she asked me. I stared at her in shock.

"Princess?" I echoed. She nodded seriously, her eyes staring deep into mine.

"Yes. Princess. You know, the ones who get to wear pretty clothes and get to dance and always get to marry the handsome prince" I laughed bitterly at the last part. I was no princess.

"No, I'm not a princess" the little girl sighed heavily.

"I'm trying to find one but, I can't seem to! I thought you looked like belle" the girl said. Her eyes boring into mine.

"Belle?" I was quite amused with our conversation.

"Yes Belle. You know the one in beauty and the beast? She looked just like you, brown hair, pale skin, golden eyes. She is really pretty and has pretty clothes" the girl sighed again like something pained her.

"Sorry, I'm no princess" I knelt on the floor so I could clearly see the girl's face.

"If you find her can you tell her Marissa is looking for her?" Marissa said. She blinked her beautiful eyes.

"Sure" I promised her. She smiled and nodded.

"How old are you?" my voice held nothing except for adoration.

"I just turned eight!" she said happily, twirling a piece of her hair.

"And what are you doing here?" little kids weren't suppose to be in the high school campus.

"I can't tell you that, it's a secret. There's Mommy! I gotta go! Bye!" she ran off towards a black Mercedes waving at me. I gave her a little wave.

She opened the door and stepped in leaving me here. I smiled at myself, she was a cute kid. I never liked kids; I never saw what was so cute about them. They always cried and whined and seemed to pee everywhere but, this girl was definitely cut.

I got up from the ground and smoothed my jeans. I took my backpack and made my way to Marie's car again. Just then my blackberry buzzed in my pocket. I sighed and took it out; it said I had a new message from Marie.

'Where are you?' it read. I quickly sent her a reply.

'In your car. Don't follow me. See you soon' I hit reply and put my phone in my pocket.

I finally made my way towards her car and then groaned loudly. There were at least twenty guys surrounding Marie's car. The boys quickly looked in my direction, their eyes going wide. They parted in different direction. I shook my head at them and glared.

"Nothing to see here." they quickly scampered away like little roaches, finally leaving me alone.

I shook my head and opened the car. I quickly got in and sat in the passenger seat resting my head on the glass window. It was slightly raining outside, making me feel depressed. I hated wet and cold places, they made me sick. I didn't like the way you felt on rainy days, like there was no hope. I chuckled bitterly; I hardly ever saw the sun seeing as how I can't step out in the sunlight. My chuckle turned into a bitter laugh and soon it turned hysterical.

I was laughing so hard, I was sure everybody could hear me. My laugh sounded crazy, I sounded like a psycho killer. I didn't know what I was laughing about, not really. I couldn't stop myself. Soon enough my laugh turned into loud sounding sobs. My sobs sounded so heart breaking and sad, it even made me flinch. Nothing made sense to me right now, I didn't know why was I crying or what was happening. I just sat there, chocking on my sobs.

I stopped crying, resting my head on my knees. These past few days have been the worst days of my life. I can't count how many times I have actually cried. My brain hurt even when I thought about it. I felt like somebody was using was using an air pressure on my skull. It left like maybe my skull had shrunk and now my brain didn't have enough space. I felt like my skull wasn't big enough for my brain, like maybe somebody was pressing something on my head. I felt so tiered mentally, my brain didn't even have enough energy to instruct my hand to move. Once again, I wished I could go to sleep. A soft tap on the glass window made me jump. I turned my head slightly and froze at what I saw. Alice.

She was staring at me fiercely. Her golden eyes peering into mine, her face was turned into a mix of anger, concern and confusion. She tapped the window again, wanting me to open it. I was going to have to open it; she wasn't going to leave if I didn't. she raised her brows as she waited for me to open the door. With shaky fingers I opened the door and stepped outside.

The tiny pixie looked annoyed. Her hands were on her hips and she glared at me fiercely but, I could see some concern lingering in her eyes.

"Would you care to explain what the hell happened to you at my house?" her voice wasn't raised. She sounded scary and calm. I was at loss for words, what should I tell her? Should I tell her I was in love with her brother who also happened to be my human husband who I had thought had died a century ago? I think not.

"Uh, I was panicking. My car wasn't locked" the lie sounded so lame. It sounded like a lie even to me. Alice took a deep breath as if to calm herself.

"Don't lie to me Bella." she was almost begging. She looked so desperate I had to bite my lip.

"I'm not lying" I said halfheartedly as I ran my hand through my hair.

"I'm not stupid, what the hell is going on?" Alice tugged on a piece of her jet black hair. Her eyes scanned mine for answers but, she found none.

"You don't trust me?" it was more like an accusation then a question.

"Alice…" my voice trailed off. Did I trust her? I did but, I couldn't tell her. Partly because I didn't want to end up sobbing again and because I just didn't want anybody to know.

Alice just looked at me, waiting for an answer. What should I tell her? "This is not the time to you the story. I'll tell you someday" I didn't tell her that that someday was far away.

"Promise me" Alice demanded. Her eyes icy cold.

"I promise" Alice just nodded and didn't speak, she glanced around the parking lot and then looked back at me but, she avoided looking at me in the eyes. I bit my lip again wishing I could say something to make this a little less awkward but, nothing came to me.

"Are you coming back to the school?" Alice finally looked at me, her golden still cold.

"Um no. I've got to go hunting" which wasn't a complete lie, I did have to go hunting.

"Then I'll see you later" Alice jammed her hands in her coat pocket but, made no move to leave. I didn't want her to leave but, I just didn't know what to say.

"Alice!" a soft voice called out. My head automatically turned towards the voice.

I froze. She was standing just a few feet away. My cold blood turned colder, my muscles tightened and I saw red from my vision. The girl's soft strawberry hair flowed in the wind making her look like an angel. Her big gentle eyes were on me and she gave me a confused glance. Her big lips were turned up into a polite smile as she gazed at me. It took everything I had not to scream bloody murder. I was using every curse word I knew in my head, cursing my freaking life.

"Hey Tanya" Alice's voice interrupted my thoughts. Tanya. That was her name. Tanya smiled at Alice, showing off a pair of perfect white teeth.

"You didn't show up in the cafeteria today" Tanya's voice dripped with sweetness. I took a deep breath and clenched my teeth trying to not say anything.

"Yeah. I needed to talk to Bella" Alice nodded towards my direction. Tanya shifted her attention to me, smiling genuinely

"Sorry I didn't get a change to meet you the other day, I'm Tanya Denali" she offered me her hand to shake. I gulped my disgust and shook her hand shakily, letting my fingers loosely clasp against her fingers.

"Bella. Bella Swan" I tried to smile but, I was sure it looked like a grimace. I felt my dead heart break again into tiny little pieces.

Alice turned to me again, her eyes looking defeated and sad. She gave me a tiny smile but, I could tell it was forced. "See you later" she said softly.

No hugs. No kisses on the cheeks. She just walked away with that Tanya girl. "Bye" I whispered but, it was too late. They were already gone.

I shook my head at my stupidity and decided to just ditch. I didn't even care what would happen to me. Really.

I ran home, letting the clean air slap my face. I breathed in the fresh scent of trees. I glanced up at the sky, noticing it was a dark gray color. I got home quickly and glanced around the house noticing it was a complete mess. I decided to clean the house; I took my time mopping the floors and vammuming the carpets. I cleaned the glass windows and doors. I glanced at the clock noticing it was a few minutes pass three. Marie and Stephen will be home in a few minutes and I really didn't want to talk to anybody. I decided to go hunting since I hadn't hunted in a few weeks.

I ran out of the house and into the forest. I usually just hunted near the outskirts of the forest feeding on some rabbits and deer but, today I felt like feeding on something wild. I found a heartbeat near the north side of the forest. I quickly fed on a small bear; it was practically a shame to a Bear. I got up from my crouching position and started to walk slowly. I really didn't feel like going home and pretending that I was fine, because I wasn't. I was a wreck.

I walked up a small hill climbing up the cloud bank. I yearned to see the sun, to see the pretty rays it sent in my direction. I yearned for a promise of a bright future. I walked slowly towards a small area, looking for any signs of rays. I walked into a small meadow surrounded by beautiful wildflowers. I looked around in awe of the place, it was beautiful. Sunlight was beaming right in the middle of the small meadow; it was surrounded by small plants and colorful flowers. I could hear the soft splash of water coming from a small waterfall. This place was so beautiful it almost took my breath away; it was so peaceful and quite.

I gently lay in the middle of the meadow. Sunlight hit my face making me sparkle like a diamond. The heat on my cheek felt so good, it made me remember the time I was human. When I was human I could do whatever I wanted, I never had to hide from anybody.

Suddenly the sweet vampire smell hit me right in my face. It smelled like pines and lilac. A loud gasp escaped my throat. My whole body froze and I thought I might just 'faint' again.

**hey you guys! i know i uploaded after 2 weeks! to make it up i made this chapter very long! i hope you like it, the next upload might take 2 more weeks. sorry but, im soooo busy with my school and my dance :( but, if you want to get a faster upload you should review. because reviews make me smile, when i smile i'm happy, when im happy i write the next chapter for silent tears ;) if you dont review, i'm sad, if im sad i dont write and if i dont write you dont get your next chapter fast.**

**i know im compleatly bribing you to review but, i love your reviews! now some of you might wonder what the hell is up with that little kid showing up but that kid plays a big role in Bella's life. can you guess how? **

**laters babe!**

**MaHi**


	18. my death angel

I think I was having a panic attack. My brain stopped working, my muscles wouldn't move and I couldn't even open my mouth. I froze and let the shock and disbelief fill every pore in my body. I wanted to run get the hell away from here but, my body wouldn't let me. My legs were stuck to the ground like glue. My head spun around as I tried to make sense of everything. I was frozen. I couldn't move. I wanted to run and get away. _he_ was here. The last part made me want to faint again. I squeezed my eyes shut and waited for the dark to embrace but, nothing happened. Nothing. Nada. I couldn't faint even if I wanted to. Where was the darkness when I wanted it? I gulped, letting my tongue roll over my teeth. I waited for something to happen but, all I could hear were the splashes of the waterfall. I knew _he _was standing a few feet behind me, probably staring and questioning my sanity. Why didn't he say anything? I gulped again. I could smell his scent. It smelled like pines and lilac, it wasn't sickly sweet; it smelled nice and manly. I could even sense him, I could tell he was standing behind me, I could feel him. Why isn't he saying anything?

"You can turn around, I know that you know I'm standing behind you" his quite musical voice said. Even his voice made me shiver. It was so warm and velvety. He didn't sound angry, curios maybe.

I still didn't turn around. My body won't let me; my body was suffering from shock and pain. My head spun in wide circles, making me want to throw up all _the_ blood I had drank. I felt defeated; he wouldn't let me be, will he? Can't he see I'm trying to run away from him? Why does he still follow my every thought?

A finger touched my forearm making me jump and scream. I was so startled; I almost fell on the floor. I turned around to find Edward staring at me, his hands raised in a calming gestured. Questions ran through his eyes but, he didn't ask. My breathing was coming faster and faster. I felt like I was going to explode, there were so many emotions running though my body. He was just as beautiful as ever, he was so beautiful. Like a statue, a perfect statue. He looked like a Greek god, just standing there. This was no time to marvel about how beautiful Edward was. This was no time to gaze at him; this was the time to get the hell away. Edward was squinting, his eyebrows furrowed as he stared at me. I stopped breathing all together, what was he trying to do?

Without even thinking or meaning to do anything. I dashed out of there.

I ran at full speed, running as hard as I could. I dashed from the meadow in a second. He wouldn't be able to catch up, I had a head start. Only 20 more seconds and I'd be out of the forest in no time. I was running really hard; the wind splashed me right in my face, making my brown hair tangle. I didn't want to run; I didn't want to run away from all my fears. But, this was me we were talking about. I was a total baby; I couldn't face my fears even if my life depended on it. I hate doing this, I hated running away from _him_. If I could, I would stand in front of him all day long, just staring at his beautiful face. Trying to capture him in my every thought, I would-

Suddenly, I was thrown on the ground. With a loud thud I landed on my back. Of course, it didn't hurt. I blinked, trying to clear my eyes. What just happened? Then I looked up, and staring right in front of me with a angry and confused expression was Edward. Edward Anthony Masan Cullen was on top of me, holing me down. Pinning me to the ground so I couldn't run. I didn't even care that this situation was dangerous, he probably thought I was harmful and if he wanted he would rip my head off my body and burn me to ashes. He would probably do that considering I was acting like a crazy maniac. But, I didn't care. The only thought that ran through my body was that he was touching me. He was touching me, Edward was touching me. His large hands held my tiny arms down. His face just inches from mine, his eyes burning like a golden topaz. I suddenly felt really childish, what was I thinking running away like that.? If he wanted he would easily be able to find me. But, why would he want to find me? he large hands still pinned me to the ground, I could feel the heat of his hands as he stared at me with an angry expression, I didn't know why was he angry at me, if anybody had a right to be angry at anybody it would've been me. His grip on my arm was deathly, if started to feel a little uncomfortable. I gulped my venom and stared at his golden orbs. I could feel him breathing through his lungs, I could feel the hard abs. his amazing scent filled my nose and I had to resist the urge to inhale deeply. I was in grave danger; he probably thought I was a threat to his him. I ran off the first day I saw him and I ran away from him now. if I were him I would rip my throat out and I was sure that the same thought was passing his head at this time but, hell if I cared. For all I cared he could kill me and let me go to hell, I would still be happy. I would be happy because I got to saw him before I died, he would be the last person I would see before I died

"Who are you?" he didn't growl exactly but, it wasn't a nice friendly voice either. It was really soft and scary. He sounded like a death angel. A beautiful death angel. I was too dumbstruck to even reply, my mind wasn't processing right. His grip on my arm got tighter; it started to hurt.

"Who are you?" he demanded again. There was a lot more anger in his voice now, his fierce eyes stared into mine. He had a temper, I noted dryly. I wanted to tell him to release his death grip but, I couldn't find my voice. His grip got even tighter if that was possible. If I were human my arm would be broken in half in no time. It started to hurt now, like really. It was really hurting now.

I whimpered quietly. His grip really hurt. Edward's expression softened immediately, he loosened his grip. It wasn't as bad as before but, it still hurt.

"Who are you?" he asked me. His tone was much softer, sympathetic even, his golden orbs were softer. They looked like caramel chocolate to me. If I didn't reply he would squeeze my life out of me. Not that I minded being killed by him but, still it would hurt like a bitch. I tried to find my voice.

"B-B-B…" I tried but, I spluttered so badly. I couldn't even pronounce the first letter of my name! I spluttered whenever I was really nervous. Edward waited patiently, his grip still on my arm.

"B-Bella" I croaked out. Edward loosened his grip, it didn't hurt now but, it was still pining me down.

"You don't hunt humans" it wasn't even a question. He raised his eyebrows as he waited for me to reply. I didn't want to speak; it was hard trying to find my voice. I just nodded shakily.

"And there are two more people in your clan" he waited for me to confirm it. I gave a little nod. There were still a lot of questions burning in his liquid eyes.

"I'll release my grip on you if you promise to not run away. Okay?" he finally asked me a question. I hesitated, I wanted to run away. But, he wouldn't let me go with that death grip of his. So I just nodded again.

He let go of my arm, and sat right in front of me. I couldn't look at him in his eye, so I just stared at where his grip had been. There was no bruise on my arm, Vampires don't bruise. I looked up and leaned back against a tree trunk and waited for him to say something. Both of us sat across each other, not saying anything. It was surprisingly not awkward at all. I had always been an awkward creature even as a vampire but, sitting here next to him I didn't feel a tad bit awkward. in fact I almost felt confident. If somebody had told me I would be sitting across my dead human husband I would've laughed in their face or punched them for their cruelty. It felt surreal, sitting next to him. I had nothing to say but, it didn't matter. I didn't want to sound witty or be funny or anything else. I just wanted to be me. I wanted to remind him about us, about what we had shared. He couldn't forget, it would be impossible. I was sure a memory of us is hiding somewhere in his brain he just doesn't know that. I didn't once look down, I stared at him. I wasn't embarrassed or ashamed or shy anymore. I was determined. I was determined to remind him of us. I just had no freaking clue how I was going to do that

"Sorry about that, I didn't mean to do it. I just went a little ballistic" He apologized slowly, his eyes gazing into mine. I cleared my throat, making sure my voice was still there

"It's okay. I shouldn't have run off like that" my voice sounded surprisingly calm. Wish was really strange since I was anything but calm. Firecrackers were blowing up in my body.

"Why did you run?" all the anger drained out of his face. There was only confusion left. I managed to shrug

"You overwhelmed me. I wasn't prepared to see another vampire" which wasn't a total lie. I was overwhelmed and I hadn't been prepared to meet another vampire. But, I didn't tell him the main reason I had ran away.

As I stared at him, I wondered who had changed him into this terrible life. Who would be cruel enough to change him into a vampire? All my thought went towards James but, he would've just left him there to die not change him into a vampire. If I could I would trade my whole life just do he could become human again. He deserved a chance, I wanted to see him the way I had when he was human. He rarely smiled but, when he did he had a carefree look in them. I would give up anything in the whole wide world that belonged to me just to see his soft green eyes again. I would give up anything just so he would remember me again, even my life. But, what he didn't want to remember about me? What if he is happy just the way he is? What if he's perfect with that Tanya girl? What if he didn't want to remember me? I felt like I had just been hit in the gut with bullet.

Edward must've seen my expression because; he was suddenly standing in front of me. His eyes filled with concern and even MORE confusion. "Hey, are you okay?" he asked me, concern marking his voice.

As I stared into his powerful golden eyes, I couldn't decide what I should do. Should I remind him? Or should I not? Should I tell him? Or should I not? And most importantly should I hurt him? Or should I not? I could not bear hurting him, it would kill me. But, what would hurt him? Would it hurt him if he got to know the truth? Or would it not? U decided that him knowing the truth wouldn't hurt him, Why would it hurt him, He'd just come to know the truth, if he still remembered me than that would be great. If he didn't I would just leave. And if he didn't remember me, I would just leave again. It wouldn't hurt him if he knew the truth, I decided.

"I'm fine." there was determination dripping from my voice. I would make him remember me, he has to remember me. I just didn't know how I would do that. I couldn't just blurt it out; I had to remind him things slowly.

Edward didn't look convinced but, nodded slightly. He started to turn his face but, stopped short. His eyebrows furrowed as he stared at my face. I suddenly got very self conscious. I awkwardly crossed my arms and dropped my gaze.

"Bella" he whispered. I froze again. Hearing my name coming out of his mouth made me freeze. It sounded so soft and beautiful; I felt love when he said my name. I could only stare at him. Edward looked confused, his eyebrows were furrowed and there were questions dancing in his eyes. He looked uncertain about something, his voice barely brushing my face.

"Bella" he whispered again. There was urgency in his voice which made me cringe. He looked uncertain and confused; he ran his hand through his hair. I saw as he pulled his hair. I could tell he was thinking deeply

"There's something about you. Have I ever seen you before?" there was urgency in his voice. I could the question was driving him crazy. I couldn't even speak what should I tell him? He definitely knows something is up. He recognizes me. Kind of. When I didn't reply Edward shook his head at himself, and murmured something under his breath.

"Never mind" he said and shook his head again. I was still frozen.

He knew something was up; his brain was trying to remember. I was sure he was me in his foggy memories. It would be impossible to forget. He just couldn't put his finger on it; his brain wouldn't let him remember. It had been a hundred years since the last time he was me, I had to cut him some slack.

We both just stared at each other for a couple moments. Edward still had that troubled expression on his face; I wished I could run my hand through his hair. Feel his hard abs and wipe that troubled look on his face. I wish I could tell him I was the Bella he had married. I sighed and swallowed back a scream.

"Why can't I read your mind?" Edward suddenly asked me. My eyebrows shot up, making me look like a clown. He could read minds? He could read minds! Except for mine! Of course, he couldn't read my mind. I was blocking him with my shield.

"That would be my power" I said guiltily, Edward raised one of his eyebrows. "I'm a shield" I explained. Edward didn't say anything.

I couldn't believe all of this was real. I was sitting next to Edward and I wasn't planning on running away. I was actually happy and having a good time. It felt so surreal; maybe this was all a dream. I would never want to wake up again then.

"Let's go" he got up and looked at me. His expression was calm and collected. I looked at him stupidly

"Uh where?" I asked slowly. I couldn't believe I was standing in front of Edward

"To my house" he said coolly.

"Um why?" I asked. My hands clawed in the dirt and I had an urge to throw the dirt around.

"Alice. She was really upset when you left, and I can't stand seeing her like that. Would you like to come?" he was giving me an option. If I wanted I could tell him no way in hell. But, I couldn't. I would give him anything he asked for, even my life if he asked.

"I-I need to call Marie and S-Stephen. My clan members I mean..." he made me so nervous. If I were human I would be sweating like a pig. Edward looked at me and nodded, telling me silently to call them.

I knew Edward would be able to hear anything I said to Marie with his super hearing and all. I gulped my venom and dialed Marie's number. In a second she was on the phone.

"Bella! Are you okay?" Marie asked me quickly, her voice squealing a little

"I'm fine" I murmured and then continued. "I'm going to Alice Cullen's house" I swallowed and begged god that Marie wouldn't say anything that would sound suspicious. I was on the edge, when Marie spoke I jumped up

"No way! Why are you going _there_?" Marie sounded horrified. I swallowed. So far so good. She hadn't mentioned Edward, I just hoped she didn't.

I snuck a glance at Edward, he was staring at a tree obviously not trying to eavesdrop but, that was impossible. He was a mind reader and he had super hearing senses

"Interesting reasons" I swallowed again. I was sure Marie knew something was wrong, it was pretty obvious. She would understand

"Fine. We're coming" she said coolly. She knew something was wrong. I actually wanted her to come with me, I needed some support. I couldn't do it alone, I needed her.

"O-okay" I whispered. My voice cracked

"We'll follow the scent. See you there" with a click the line went dead. My heart was in my throat as I turned towards Edward. He was leaning against a tree, still watching me.

His stare made me shiver, there was something about it. His golden eyes were darker now, like maybe a shadow hung in front of them. His eyebrows were still furrowed and his mouth was pressed in a tight line. He was squinting a little, trying to get a better look at me. He blinked once and straightened his expression. He shook his head, like maybe he was trying to clear his thoughts. I was frozen in my spot; he was trying to remember me.

"May we?" Edward's soft voice asked me. He gestured towards the end of the forest. I couldn't speak; my voice was stuck in my throat. My lips trembled and I had it resist the urge to start sobbing.

Something flashed in front of me. Edward. He was foot taller than me so he had to pear down. His eyes were full of concern. This was the Edward I remembered. The concerned, selfless, lovable Edward. I was having a flashback to the time when he saved me from James. He was so powerful and full of anger. The flashback made my eyes water and my chest howl. Edward's eyes stared down at mine, they were so soft.

"You look frightened" Edward stated. I didn't bother correcting him. I wasn't frightened of him; I was frightened of losing him

"I won't hurt you" he said again. He extended his arm like maybe he wanted to comfort me but, then quickly dropped it.

"I won't hurt you" he promised me again. I still couldn't say anything; I wanted to tell him that he hadn't hurt me. I had hurt myself but, I couldn't find the energy to speak.

"If you don't want to come, than that's fine" his soft voice spoke. I bit my lip and controlled myself

"I-I'm fine" my voice stumbled. My lie was so lame; Edward didn't believe me for a second. His eyes were concerned as they stared at me.

I wanted to shout at him, why the hell was he still concerned about me? Why did he make me love him? Why won't he let me hate him? Can't he see I'm really trying to forget him? He's making my life miserable and still I can't seem to hate him. It feels like he's metal and I'm a magnet, no matter what I do I come back to him. We're both stuck together. He had made me cry and sob and grieve but, I can't stop loving him. No matter what he does my love for him stays. Even if he killed me, I would still love him. He had hurt me a billion times but, after all of that I still find myself loving him like hell. Some people might say that this was a blessing; they might say that I have undying love. But, to me this was a curse. I wanted to get away but, it kept on pulling me back. Like there was a string attached to my back and even though I tried to run it pulled me back. It really sucked.

"Ready to go?" Edward asked me.

"let's go" I murmured and started to run

* * *

**yo! i know updates are slower than before but, what can i do? my life is busy as hell, i've got like a billion tests this week. the next update might take a while but, anyways what did you guys think of this chapter? wasnt it just 'OHMAGOSH! EDWARD'S HERE! EEEEEPPPP! EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD!' i'm sure it was like that ;) you guys, i didnt get much reviews last time and that made me really sad :( i got 3007 hits but, only like 40 reviews! come on guys get it movin!**

**because you guys dont review, im gonna do something that will make you review. i'll give a sneak peak to everyone whoh reviews ;), cool huh? so just review and you just might get your sneak peak. **

**BTW, did you guys hear that meckenzie foy is cated as nessie! EEEEEPPPP!**

**quistion of the day- so you guys like meckenzie as nessie? **

**laters babes!**

**MaHi**


	19. scars of lies

_No matter what he does my love for him stays. Even if he killed me, I would still love him. He had hurt me a billion times but, after all of that I still find myself loving him like hell. Some people might say that this was a blessing; they might say that I have undying love. But, to me this was a curse. I wanted to get away but, it kept on pulling me back. Like there was a string attached to my back and even though I tried to run it pulled me back. It really sucked. _

_"Ready to go?" Edward asked me._

_"let's go" I murmured and started to run_

_

* * *

_

You know how sometimes all you feel like doing is killing yourself? Well, I was having one of those moments right now. I was standing in front of the Cullen household with Edward. You heard me, I did say Edward

I can't stop saying his name. Edward. Edward. Edward. If I could I would say his name forever, never stop. I just felt so happy to be able to say his name; it's like a drug to me. Evrytime I say his name, I get a hit. He was standing right next to me, his golden eyes focused.

He wanted me to see Alice, he said she was upset and wanted to talk to me. I hadn't meant to upset Alice; I would never hurt that pixie. She was happy and cheerful and caring and loving, who would be cruel enough to hurt her? But, I had. Not on purpose of course. What should I tell her, that I was sorry? I was sorry but, how should I tell her. I didn't have the ability to express my emotions, it just made me feel awkward and trust me, I was one of the most awkward creature in the history of awkward creatures. I wanted to see her but, I had no clue what I would tell her.

I met Edward eyes hesitantly. His eyes were like soft honey, I felt like I was swimming in them. He looked concerned weather for me or Alice, I didn't know. He was standing just a few inches away from me; if I wanted I could touch him. I wanted to touch him, trust me. I wanted to touch him more that I wanted to drink blood. I wanted to touch him more than a human needs air to breathe. But, I couldn't because that would make things just awkward. He needed to learn the truth and he would. But, not now.

I didn't want to see his extremely beautiful mate, that Tanya girl. She was breathtaking. She was a star, shiny and beautiful. I hated her. She had everything I had ever wanted. And I didn't like that. I didn't like that one bit.

I could smell Edward. He smelled amazing; his scent was a mix of pines and lilacs. He smelled gentle, like a rabbit. Okay, cross that out please. No, he smelled like sunshine, like happiness. I wonder if happiness and sunshine actually had a smell.

Why do I have to go through this? Why couldn't I just be a normal person- err Vampire I mean-? It took everything I had in me not to jump in and tell Edward who I was. He wouldn't believe me anyway. He doesn't remember, he had to remember on his own. Why couldn't life pick someone else to live through this misery? Like Britney spears, miley cyrus or even those douche bags from Jersey shore. By the way, I don't watch Jersey shore, Marie does.

A new smell crossed my nose. Oh god, it was Marie. And she was inside the house. With all the Cullens. Oh god, I didn't tell her to go inside! I just told her to wait for me! I just hoped she didn't say anything suspicious. Thank god, I had put my shield around her head, now Edward couldn't pick up her thoughts. I sighed in relief, and just when I was about to ring the doorbell, Alice stepped out.

Of course, she saw us coming. Alice grinned at her brother and then turned to face me. She looked happy to see me, her smile blinding. Her beautiful pale face examined my face. Her smile turned a little sheepish, her eyes were apologetic. She looked ashamed.

"Hey" she whispered quietly. I felt my lips curve up

"Come in" she ushered. She glanced at Edward, she slightly furrowed her eyebrows. Edward shrugged his big shoulders. They were having a conversation.

Wanting to not pry, I stepped inside the house. Most of the Cullens were there, seated on the formal sofas, including Marie and Stephen. There was just one face that was missing and you cannot imagine how much happiness that brought to me. Tanya. She was nowhere in sight. I breathed a sigh of relief that I didn't know I had been holding

I saw Marie stare at me from across the room; her face was as smooth as a marble. It gave out nothing but, I knew she was shocked as hell. After all, she was seeing me with Edward again. She slightly raised her left brow, a gesture she used when she was really mad. She was mad all right. I gave her a weak smile; I was so not looking forward to hear her scream at me. And then there was Stephen. He looked so confused, it was almost funny. I gave him a nod, promising to explain the situation later. Much later.

"Bella!" Esme Cullen eagerly said. Her soft golden eyes were painfully delighted. I gave her a weak smile; it still stunned me to see someone care about me.

"Hello Esme" I squeaked. All eyes were on me, making me nervous as hell.

"It's nice to see you again, dear. Why don't you take a seat" she gestured to the sofa. I gingerly sat on the couch next to Stephen; he gave me a small smile. I could see confusion in his eyes, a lot of it too. Oh, poor Stephen. My eyes immediately turned to Edward

It was like he was a magnet, and I was steel. I was addicted to him, drawn to him. He was like the sun; you just needed it to survive. I would give anything I had to sit next to him. I swallowed. Edward was sited next to Esme, he looked serious. His soft golden eyes looked careful as they stared back at mine. He gave me his original crooked smile and I thought I might die, it was just so breathtaking

"So Bella. We didn't get a chance to talk to you last time" Carlisle, the leader said. I cringed; please don't bring up that day again.

"Um yeah. I was in a hurry" gosh, I was getting so good at it.

I saw Jasper look at me; of course he knew I was lying. God Damn all those gifts. Jasper was sitting next to Alice, almost protecting her from me. Because I was one of the most dangerous creatures out there. That was sarcasm if you missed it. He obviously knew everything I was feeling, Lust, regret, pain, sorrow, happiness, confusion, bitterness, anger, more pain. I was sure I was making him crazy with all these emotions flowing from my body. I wouldn't be surprised if he hated me.

Jasper raised his eyebrows at me, questioning me. if he thought I was going to answer, he was a crazy. I bit my lip and looked away but, I could still feel his eyes on me. Suddenly, a wave of calmness washed through my body. Where the hell did that come from? My guess was Japer. I avoided his eyes and looked back at Carlisle

Carlisle's blond hair was sleeked back, his eyes warm and inviting. He had a friendly smile on his face. "There's only three people in your clan?"

"We like to call ourselves as a family" Marie explained. Her soft red hair falling in her face. She was watching Edward, trying to place him in her mind.

"Of course. We like to call ourselves a family too" Esme chimed in with a lovely smile on her face. Her love made my heart ache.

"I understand that Alice was your creator" Carlisle stated, I just nodded. Alice struggled to see past Jasper. She grinned at me when she caught my eye.

"What about you?" he asked Marie and Stephen. Marie pointed towards me and Stephen just shrugged. He didn't like talking about his creator or whatever you call it.

"And you do not hunt humans?"

"No" we all said at the same time. Carlisle looked delighted, his eyes twinkling with glee

"Fascinating. It's so delightful too meet someone like us." he said happily.

"You are very welcome to stay with us for as long as you want" Esme said hopefully. I heard Rosalie snort loudly but, I completely ignored her

"We reside a home just nearby" Marie stated. Esme's hopeful face faded but, she nodded anyways.

Something changed just then. The air changed, a new scent has joined the air. And I knew exactly who those scent belonged to. Tanya, she was here. my frozen heart seemed to get colder by the second, my eyes widened and I gripped Marie's hand tightly out of fear. Oh god. Oh my god. She was here, what the hell am I suppose to do?

Marie glanced back at me, her eyes confused. But, then she got it. her eyes widened and she suddenly looked afraid. Her red hair was falling over her face, masking her fright. She put her cold hand on my arms, trying to reassure me I guess. But, it didn't work.

"Oh! Tanya's here!" Esme said and looked out the clear window, a small gentle smile on her face

She was standing behind me. I knew it, Tanya was standing behind me. My cold blood turned colder and I stopped breathing. All I wanted to do was run the hell away from here but, I couldn't because that would make things even more complicated and awkward. God, if you exist and if you don't hate evil creatures like me please, please do something. Make me disappear or something.

Nothing happened. God hated me. Or maybe he didn't even exist. Thanks a lot God. Thanks a lot for the help. I swallowed, I couldn't count on God. I needed to do something else, I obviously couldn't count on God.

_SUCK IT UP BELLA! YOU HAVE TO DO THIS. STOP BIENG SUCH A HYPOCRYTE_. My inner voice shouted. I was offended, I was so not a hypocrite. Okay maybe I was but, I didn't need a stupid voice to tell me that

_DO IT BELLA. YOU HAVE TO DO IT AND YOU KNOW THAT_. my inner voice shouted at me again, I swallowed. It was right, I needed to do it. but, I was scared. hell, I was scared shitless.

Slowly, slowly I turned my head around. There, standing near the glass window was a breathtaking girl. Her soft golden eyes were giddy and full of life; her strawberry ringlets fell perfectly down her back and ended on her waist line. Her ruby red lips were lifted into a shy yet friendly smile. She was pretty that was for sure. Not as pretty as the ice queen Rosalie but, she was close. Prettier than me.

She walked- I mean danced- gracefully towards us, her smile getting wider by the second and my heart turning colder. She bowed her head slightly, hiding shy fully

She stood next to Edward and grabbed his hand securely. I felt my heart shatter, all the hope I had managed to make disappeared in a second. BE STRONG BELLA, my inner voice stated. The Voice's advice helped. Just a little.

"Tanya, meet the swan clan" Edward spoke clearly. My head snapped up to meet his eyes, he was smiling a little. He smiled at Tanya lovingly and she bowed down to peck him on his lips. that made me want to kill myself. But, I resisted anyways. I wouldn't want to be a murdered or anything. That was one thing I had ignored in my whole entire life and I planned on ignoring it for the rest of my life. Which is a long time you know.

Tanya looked back up, her shiny eyes staring. She smiled at Stephen, who returned her wide smile. Then she smiled at Marie who gave her a small smile. But, I could see it was forced.

Then the blond looked at me. She blinked, noticing all the coldness in my face. My face was hard and harsh, I wasn't smiling. She looked taken back but, her face didn't glare back. No, it actually looked a little broken, like maybe she was sad I didn't like her. But, shit if I cared. I hated her and she should hate me too. We needed to have hate-hate relationship. It was required.

"Hey" she said shyly to me. She looked extremely nervous. I stared at her, noticing all the things her face showed. There was nothing but, friendliness I her face. There was no disgust, hate, horror. She blinked her innocent golden eyes back at me.

It felt bad for hating her; after all she was just a normal vampire who fell in love with the handsome Greek god. It wasn't her fault that she loved the one who I had been pinning for the last century.

It wasn't her fault she was swept off her feet by the bronze haired Adonis. It wasn't her fault that Edward wanted her. Oh wait a minute that was her fault. If she wasn't so pretty and happy and amazing, he wouldn't have loved her. But, he did and I hated her for that. He was supposed to be mine, not anyone else's. But, he was someone else's and you cannot imagine how much that pained me.

"Hello" ice cut through my voice like a knife. Tanya actually flinched, she looked so upset. Everyone in the whole room gave me weird glances. Their faces were full of confusion; well they didn't know what I was going through.

I couldn't help myself; I had to look at Edward. He gave me a puzzled look, questioning my sanity probably. He didn't look mad or angry at me for being so horrible to his mate but, he looked confused. He had no idea why I hated Tanya, but, he will. Soon. I promised myself.

Esme cleared her throat looking a little uncomfortable. When she met my eyes though, she brightened immediately. She smiled again, showing off her white pearls. I wonder if she got a hit whenever she was nice to someone. Despite my sour thoughts, I smiled back.

"Carlisle and I are going on a small hunting trip" Esme coyly looked back at smirked at him. I saw Carlisle stiffened immediately

Alice instantly screwed her face up. Edward looked a little sick, he squeezed his eyes shut like he was trying to block out some thoughts. They both looked ready to puke their guts out. Then I got what they meant. If I were human I would be blushing like a bright tomato right now.

"so behave children. We will be back tomorrow" I heard Emmet snicker loudly, making me even more uncomfortable.

"That means you Emmet. I do not want to see broken windows, exploded cars, burned kitchens, inappropriate drawings in my or anybody else's room…." Emmet snorted again but, this time a little mischievously.

Esme rolled her eyes and then took Carlisle's hand. She kissed everybody's cheek including mine. They both waved and then they were out of here.

"so…." Emmet said quietly, his eyes twinkling with delight.

"EMMET NO!" Edward and Alice screamed at the same time. Emmet looked offended.

"Fine. Be boring" he grumpily sat back next to Rosalie.

Oh, Rosalie. She was as usual glaring at me. Her face full of disgust as it scanned me from head to toe and you know what I did I didn't even give a shit. She could hate me all she wanted.

"Take a picture it'll last longer" she snapped. That was a total lie, because I wasn't the one who was staring. She was.

I didn't even care. But, of course Marie did. She's one of the most protective people I've ever met in my whole life. She would rip anyone's head off who tried threaten me. Marie stepped forward, her hands shaking from all the anger. She stepped right on front of Rosalie. I sprang forward, trying to pull Marie away but, she didn't back down.

Marie sneered at Rosalie, her eyes dancing with fury. Oh god, help me. This was not good. If she could, Marie would probably rip Rosalie's throat out and hand me her dead heart. My hand shot out quickly and I squeezed Marie's hand, telling her silently not to do anything, her hands were balled up in a tight fist. Marie stopped trembling but, then she spoke.

"Hey Rosalie, how does a blond kill a bird?" disgust dripped from Marie's voice. Rosalie didn't even reply, her sneer was set on me

"By throwing it off a roof!" everybody was silent for a second but, then Alice giggled. Jasper followed and soon enough everybody was laughing.

I allowed myself to smile. The ice queen deserved it. Rosalie's sneer got even worse but, she didn't say anything, she just flopped on the couch and made her stare seemed uninterested.

Emmet smiled at Marie; he seemed somewhat impressed and somewhat offended.

"So, Bella. Do you go to Forks high?" Tanya asked eagerly, trying to make nice. I stared at her. Wow, she must really want to be friends. Hah! Like that will ever happen.

"Yes" I said curtly but, my voice was much softer and much more civil. Tanya's face dropped but, she nodded any who.

I walked away from Tanya and went to see the pictures that were on the wall.

I looked to my right and suddenly Edward's face was in front of me. I gasped loudly, he'd startled me.

He smiled his crooked smile which originally took my breath away. Nobody was paying attention to me anymore; they were all engrossed in their own little conversations.

Edward cocked his head to one side his beautiful hair falling in his face. "You look afraid" he stated.

"I'm not" which wasn't a lie. I wasn't afraid of him.

"You look guilty" he stated again.

"I'm not" my breath was coming faster.

"You look angry" his sweet breath blew in my face. I shivered.

"I'm not" my voice cracked slightly. I tried to look anywhere but, his face. But, he was so tall, he blocked my view.

"You look frantic" he leaned down so he could carefully read my face, we were still a few inches apart though.

"I'm not"

"You look displeased" he came even closer. His face was only inches from my face

"I'm not" I lied. Gosh, I was getting so good at this stuff. His face was so close now; I could touch my lips to his. I looked down at my shoes, I was so tempted to.

"You look sad" he said so softly, I barely heard it.

My eyes snapped up to meet his. His caramel eyes stared back at me, he looked like a true angel. I didn't bother lying to him this time, where would it lead to? I was sad, I was extremely sad. I was sure anybody could figure that out.

My right lip curved up sadly and my eyes drooped down

"I am " I whispered.

Edward's eyes held the whole world's intensity. His eyes were like burning fire, I could almost see a orange flame dance in his eyes. it was like he could peer deep down in my soul and glanced at every secret I ever had. he leaned in even closer, we were so close now. our faces only a couple inches apart.

I wanted to take a step back, not because I didn't want to face him but, because I was afraid I would reach out and touch him if he were standing this close to me. But, I couldn't because the wall was behind me. I was trapped under his heated gaze.

He opened his mouth like he was going to say something but, Alice interrupted us.

"Bella!" she yelled playfully. I blinked up at Edward; his eyes had suddenly gone dull.

He looked uninterested now, he quickly leaned away and walked away, I stared at his back blankly, still the same Edward. His moods were so unpredictable, they changed all the time. I breathed in; at least he dropped me from his intense gaze

"Bella!" Alice said again, trying to gain my attention.

"Um yeah?" I blinked again. Edward had disappeared in a second; he had disappeared from the living room.

"You staying for dinner?" Alice flashed her teeth playfully at me. I managed a small smile

"I just hunted" I squeaked.

"Oh! Marie and Stephen are coming hunting with us, you should come too!" Alice begged me.

"I-I've got some things to do" I said lamely. Jasper flashed his golden eyes at me and I had to resist the urge to growl. He needed to stop that.

"You're no fun!" Alice pouted but, then got over it.

"I'm going to go finish my homework" wow! Amazing lies!

Alice hugged me fiercely and kissed my cheek. I waved to everyone else and then ran. But, as I was running I saw something that caught my eye.

Because the Cullen's house was mostly glass I could easily glance inside. Edward. He stood next to his window, staring down at me. I didn't stop but, I think I saw a ghost of a grin of Edward's lips.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O

I breathed in a nervous breath as I entered my first class which turned out to be Biology.

I had crossed the Cullen's scent as I walked to my first class with Marie and Stephen. I wonder if I'll have any classes with Edward. That thought brought me a mix of happiness, nervousness and panic.

I shook my head to and tried to pay attention. It turned out; the teacher wasn't even here yet. The humans were happily chattering away, I sighed in boredom and focused on Marie and Stephen.

They were both staring at each other mischievously. Marie slightly raised her right brow and Stephen nodded. They both glanced my way and then smiled wide. My bored look turned horrified as I watched them. What the hell were they doing?

"Yes, thank you. Bye," Mr. Banner, my biology teacher said before hanging up his cell phone. The teacher hung up his phone and turned around. "I'll be right back, keep working on your projects," he said before walking quickly out of his room.

"Now the fun begins," Stephen said standing up and cranking up the Bunsen burner.

"Stephen…," I warned. Oh god, what the hell did they think they were doing?

"Don't be such a worry-wart Bella. Nothing's going to happen see?" he said as he swept his hand over the fire. He giggled to himself and just kept running it back and forth over the flame.

"Yeah, Bella. Stop worrying; this is the time to have fun." Marie rolled her eyes at me. I huffed and looked away; fine let them do whatever they wanted.

Suddenly Stephen's pinky caught on fire. Oh shit.

"OH MY SWEET JESUS! I'M BURNING! HOLY CRAP! I'M GONNA DIE!" Stephen yelled frantically as he ran around the room-thankfully it was human speed.

I pretended he didn't even exist. Marie jumped up and shoved him into the emergency shower and the rest of the class stared at them. Marie quickly slammed her hand against the button and Stephen was immediately soaked with water and the fire on his pinky was just smoking a little.

Marie slid open the door and Stephen slowly walked out, looking at his hand as water dripped on the floor. Marie looked at his pinky. Just the tip of it missing-it could have been so much worse.

"You got me wet," Stephen said suddenly.

"Your pinky was on fire!" Marie exclaimed, ignoring the stares they got from our classmates.

"Who cares? Do you know how long it takes to do my hair in the morning!" he said as he feigned anger. Oh he is so dead now…

"About twice as long as it takes for you to put on your man-liner," Marie snapped back. I saw his lips twitch and I knew he was playing along.

"At least I don't _pluck my eyebrows_-or should I say eye_brow_," Stephen said with a smirk.

Marie gasped dramatically. "You take that back!" she yelled.

"Never!" he yelled before running away at a human pace. Marie darted after him as he weaved in and out of lab tables, carefully going around the humans.

Marie got him at the corner though and found a scalpel on one of the tables-probably left over from a different lab. She pointed it at him slowly, a slow smile creeping up on her face. Stephen slowly widened his eyes. "You wouldn't do that," he said.

"Would I brother dear? You always get everything you want. What do I get? Nothing! It's always been about _you_," Marie pretended to say, sounding like a complete maniac. "stephen got an A, Stephen is on the football team, Stephen has his first armpit hair-well you know what? I don't care!" she yelled. The class was completely silent as they stared at them.

I felt like crying and laughing at the same time. Crying because this was so humiliating, I would never hear the end of this form my human peers and maybe even my vampire peers. And laughing because this was just so darn funny, it was so ridiculous I wanted to laugh out loud.

"Come on Marie. It's not my fault. I don't ask Mom and Dad to give me special treatment, I swear!" Stephen said as he inched away said as he inched away from Marie. She stepped closer to him.

Marie quirked an eyebrow at him and he nodded slightly-not enough for anyone but me to notice. She pulled back her hand and chucked the scalpel at Stephen just as he ducked down. It stuck into the wall and the handle vibrated against the impact. Then Stephen, being Stephen pulled out his wand.

"I command you and all that is magical to _stop trying to kill me_! I hate it when you do that!" Stephen said as he pointed the purple ruler at Marie.

She snorted. "You're not a _wizard_," she told him with a smirk.

"Yes I am! Mom told me I was!" he said childishly.

"Mom was lying," she pretended to taunt. "She lies all the time," she said, pacing back and forth.

"No she doesn't," Stephen said quietly. Man, vampires are really good actors.

"Yes she does. Want to know another lie?" She asked. "You're not really my brother. We found in a cardboard box and no one thought anyone would notice that we weren't related because we had the same eyes and the same hair," she said.

"That isn't true," he said.

"Are you sure?" she asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"That is not true. Right, Bella?" Stephen quirked his eyebrows at me.

Oh what the hell? I needed to have some fun; all I did was sob around all day. I was such a party pooper; I needed to have some fun. Life owed me that. Not being like me at all, I stood up and joined Marie.

"Sorry Steph. You really are our adopted brother" I smirked. Stephen looked so sad now, even I felt bad.

"No! No! No! No! You're all lying! The magic will destroy you, I promise! It will make you suffer-"

"What is going on in here!" a voice bellowed as the door opened. Mr. Banner walked into the room and you could tell he was already angry from the vein pulsing in his head. He looked at Emmett who was soaking wet and clutching a ruler.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Stephan had an accident," I said giving him a sweet smile. "Do you mind if I take him to the nurse?" I said.

"Sure, I'll write you two passes," he said as he took out a piece of paper. I looked at Marie and grinned. Looks like we just bought us some free time…

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O

After leaving Stephen at the nurse's office, which he really didn't like, Marie and I walked to the front of the school to sit and talk until the second class began. But, it turned out Marie had to run back to get her stuff from the Biology class. So, I just sat there alone.

Then something caught my eye. It was the same little girl from that day, the one with the clear ocean blue eyes and the massive blond curls. When she noticed me her cheeks broke out into a wide smile.

The little girl- Marissa- skipped towards me happily. She was the most adorable kid I had ever seen. She was six years old and so cute.

"You're Bella, right?" she asked me eagerly. She had trouble pronouncing my name right; I smiled at her cuteness.

"Yeah, hey. What are you doing here?" I asked her softly. She smiled even wider.

"I have my lunch break, so I came here" she twirled a piece of hair in her fingers.

"Why?" I asked her, confused. Six year olds didn't come to the high school for their lunch breaks right?

"To see my daddy, silly! He promised me he'll take me for ice-cream today!" she giggled. Oh, so it seems like her dad goes to the high school.

That's so sad, having a teenager as a parent. I wonder where she lives, probably in a trailer. Poor kid, she probably has the worst life. But, she's so cute. So friendly, poor kid.

"Oh-" she cut me off

"I've got to go now! bye!" she gave me a small hug and ran away.

I smiled; wow I never knew kids were so cute. I never really liked them. but that was because I had never actually interacted with a kid before. I wished I had one, my smile faltered. I could never have one considering I was frozen.

Even though I was sad, Marissa's cuteness made me smile. Kids like her didn't have anything but; they still managed to be happy. Then, why the hell could I not be happy?

* * *

**yo! i know, i know. i havn't in forever but, hey the chapters much longer! updates are going to be late, because i have a lot of stuff going on. but, i will make the chapters longer, i can promise you that. **

**are you glad Edward's here? i sure am! did you guys actually laugh when you read this, this was my attempt on making things a little funny. so we meet the mysteriouse Marissa again, what the hell is up with her? as i said, she will make a HUGE diffrence in Bella's life. any guesses of any sorts? **

**any quistions? ask me, i'll be happy to answer them all! **

**questions of the day- what were you for Halloween? btw, i was a gypsy :)**

**2 question of the day- did you think this chapter was funny? even a little? favorite quote if you have any?**

**love always**

**mAhI**


	20. care to explain?

_I smiled; wow I never knew kids were so cute. I never really liked them. but that was because I had never actually interacted with a kid before. I wished I had one, my smile faltered. I could never have one considering I was frozen._

_Even though I was sad, Marissa's cuteness made me smile. Kids like her didn't have anything but; they still managed to be happy. Then, why the hell could I not be happy?_

* * *

The next day, I again made my way towards my first class. Biology. Yesterday, I had cut class again. I know, I know. I'm a great role model right? But, I can't help myself. School is just so boring. Ok that's not the only reason. I didn't know if I'd have any classes with any of the Cullens. And I really didn't want to be in a class with any of them, if you know what I mean.

Marie and Stephen were planning thier next 'scheme' and had decided to go to school early. I just hope they don't decide to blow up the whole school or something. Yesterday had definitely been really entertaining but, everywhere I went I heard whispers about the show we put on. Oh whatever, it wasn't like I really cared.

I walked into the class, prepared for anything but, this. Edward Cullen. Oh yeah, Edward Cullen sitting on _my_ desk looking utterly bored as he stared off into space. Even though I couldn't actually puke, I felt nauseated. My stomach churned slowly and I felt last week's blood make its way up my throat.

Just then, his golden eyes met mine. They were full of questions, his beautiful lips turned up into a ghost of a smile. He raised his hand and flexed his index finger, mentioning me over.

I swallowed the blood, my mind screaming at my feet to not move. But, my feet had a mind of their own. They moved like waves on a beach shore, like silk on water. In a few seconds, I found myself standing next to his sitting form.

"Partner" he acknowledged. I swallowed again

"H-hey" my voice cracked a little. Edward cocked his head to one side, looking a little confused.

"You look afraid again" he stated beautifully. I rearranged my features quickly.

"You scare me" I shrugged bold fully. No need to lie when he already knew the truth.

"I scare you?" he looked amused. I sat down on my stool, inching away from him.

"A little" I shrugged again, focusing my eyes on my black boots. I was afraid of his moods, they changed so much.

"I don't want you to be scared" my eyes snapped up to meet Edward's again. They looked intense now. See what I mean by mood changes?

"then you should acting like you hate me" I couldn't believe I was saying this. Where was the old shy Bella? I stared at Edward as his eyes changed to anger.

"I don't hate you!" Edward looked surprise and a little angry. I tucked my hair behind my ears.

I was about to respond but, just then the shrilling warning bell rang. In came Marie and Stephen both giggling like mad people. But, Marie's giggles soon died down when she noticed the Greek god who sat next to me.

I gave her a weak smile, trying to reassure her. I knew she wanted to talk to me but, the teacher asked her to sit down on her table.

I avoided Edward's eyes when the teacher started to talk. I could tell he was staring at me, I could feel his heavy eyes on me. I bit my lip and forced myself to concentrate on what the teacher was saying

"…because the school doesn't have enough money to actually hire a health teacher they're making this class health for the rest of the semester" the teacher yapped.

"So today we're going to learn about parenthood" yeah, well I can't ever become a parent so shut up now. I was already uncomfortable enough.

"Because a lot of teenagers are having sex I want you to know what could happen if you have unprotected sex. It could result in parenthood and you have no idea how difficult that can be" I cringed in embarrassment.

"You're all going to be paired with a partner of the opposite gender and you're going to take care of a robot baby. The Ro-by as I like it. The Ro-by will cry, sleep and vomit. You'll need to name, feed, soothe, clean, bathe him or her for a whole week. I will know whether or not you take could care of it, considering it has a recording microchip in its body"

"Now, pair up with your lab partners" the teacher finished.

No. Freaking. Way. I felt like killing myself with a knife and then come to life and then kill myself again. I had to parent a stupid baby that I could never have but, on top of that I would have to be pared with Edward. Oh god, why? Why do you hate me?

After a long moment, I turned to Edward. He didn't look Embarrassed or ashamed like me. He looked amused actually. Like he thought this situation we were in was really funny. Which it wasn't.

"You look like you're in pain" Edward laughed softly. What was with him always telling me how I feel.

"Yeah, well I'm never actually going to have a baby" I said through clenched teeth. Edward grinned at my anger.

"This out to be amusing" he murmured to himself.

I watched as Mr. Banner handed a baby to the couple who sat in front of us. Which turned out to be Marie and Stephen, well this out to be a little fun.

Marie looked at Mr. Banner in fake embarrassment and said loudly "uh, Mr. Banner? I can't have a Baby with my Brother" the whole class snickered.

"It's just pretend miss. Swan" the teacher murmured.

"But, still. What will I tell my mom when she asks me what happened in school today? I can't be like 'oh hey mom. Nothing much happened in school; I just had a baby with my sister.' She'll beat the pulp out of me" Stephen said loudly.

"You have to be partners-" Stephen cut the teacher off.

"I can't be partners with my own sister! It gives me some nasty visuals. I can't imagine having sex with her!" Stephen protested loudly. Marie gasped loudly.

"What's that suppose to mean? Are you telling me that no one would like to have sex with me?" she fake gasped

"Well, obviously, you look like a horse with those fat thighs, and your eyebrows well yuck, they remind-"

"Mr. Swan! You both will be partners for this experiment!" the teacher ignored their 'but, I can't' and moved on to the next table, our table. I gulped as Mr. Banner placed a small almost human looking baby on our desk.

I looked at Edward. He looked at me "is it a girl?" he peered at the baby.

It had little blond hair on its head. It had huge blue eyes and red lips. "It's a girl" I decided.

"What should we name her?" Edward whispered as staring at the robot baby.

"Um- how about Lily?" it was the first thing that popped into my mind. I saw Edward smile when he held the baby in his hand. The Ro-by giggled softly.

"Lily it is" he declared. The Ro-by giggled again. I smiled as I watched him; he seemed at peace when handling a baby. Err I mean a robot baby.

Marie's loud voice caught my attention again; I turned to see what they were doing.

"Is it a boy?" she asked Stephen, who squinted at the baby.

"I don't know!" he said angrily.

"Well check, you stupid moist galloping butt" Marie retorted.

Stephen awkwardly placed his large pale hand over the Baby's crotch. It even made me ashamed of what they were doing. Stephen snatched back his hand as he glared at the poor robot.

"This boy is flatter than that Ken from Toy story" Marie rolled her eyes and snatched the baby from his hand.

"That means it's a girl, you drumhead" she tapped the baby's crotch.

"We should name it Jumbug!" Stephen yelled enthusiastically which earned him a glare from the teacher.

"I said she was a girl" Marie glared at him. Stephen shrugged.

"It's Jumbug or finkery, you pick" Marie sighed loudly

"Whatever"

I rolled my eyes at them, wow they were really good with this acting stuff. My attention returned to Edward, his face was amused.

"So they're you're family" he asked as he cradled Lily in his strong arms. He was rocking her back and forth.

"Unfortunately yes" I said while I grinned. Even though Marie and Stephen could be a huge pain in the ass, I loved them both.

"They sound…. interesting" he mused with a small smile. I was almost starting to feel comfortable talking to him. It strangely felt normal. I was happy.

"You don't know the half of it" I chuckled lowly, my mood brightening quickly. Edward looked up and smiled his crooked smile that took my breath away. My useless breath hitched in my throat.

"Do you want to take her?" he nudged his head towards Lily; she was happily giggling in Edward's hands.

"Um okay?" but, it sounded more like a question. I had never ever dealt with babies or Robot Babies

I bit my lip as he handed me the baby. But, just when I took the robot from his hand, his hand slowly brushed mine. Tons of memory made their way back to me, the time when he said 'I do', the time when his angry lips had brushed mine, when he'd first grabbed my hands, the time he had saved me from James.

The force of the memories was overpowering and I felt myself tremble, his hand felt amazing on mine. It felt like I was complete, like he had completed me. I yanked my hand back quickly; I couldn't let myself do this now.

It felt like my whole body had been hit with a ball of electricity. I felt full of energy, my head in the clouds. I shook my head to clear my thoughts and focused my attention back on Lily.

I awkwardly took Lily in my arms, trying to hold her still. But, the robot didn't obey; it started to move it legs and arms up and down, its head moving in circles.

It was crying now, its eyes producing fake tears and its mouth moving into wails of protest. I had no clued what to do with her, how can I make her stop crying?

Suddenly, the baby vomited some weird white stuff on me that stank so badly. "Edward!" I asked in alarm.

Edward looked up and immediately took the baby from me. He nested the baby deep into his arms and she immediately stopped crying. Lily closed her eyes and then peacefully went to sleep

"Wow. Um that's some skill you go there. You're really good at this" I said in wonder as I watched the baby sleep.

"I've got practice" he mumbled. I gave him a questioned glance.

"Huh?" not the most lady-like thing to say. Edward shook his head quickly

"Never mind" he shrugged and returned to this notebook doodling while Lily slept peacefully on the counter top.

I watched him carefully as he doodled in his notebook. His eyebrows were pushed together slightly, his graceful hands gracing over the paper like silk. There was a slight frown on his face, like maybe he was trying to figure something out. His look-

Suddenly a noisy bell rang out in the classroom. I jumped up, startled. Edward got up too, gracefully slinging his backpack on his shoulder. I gulped as I stared at him, thinking of a perfect goodbye.

"Bye, Bella" he nodded his head towards me. I tried to say something, but he had already started to move with Lily in his hands.

But, his large hand brushed mine this time. And I let myself believe that maybe, just maybe he did it on purpose this time.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O

I had the 8th period free because I already had so much credit build up. Marie and Stephen were going to the mall. 'To purchase something that will make Mr. Banner blush' they had said to me. I cringed; I just hoped they didn't take this too overboard. It was clear to me the whole student body thought we were psycho.

Suddenly a flash of black hair stood in front of me. I paused quickly and saw Alice smiling broadly at me.

"Hey, short stuff" I said as I riffled her hair.

"It takes me two hours to fix my hair, so don't you dare touch it" she scowled but, I could tell she was overjoyed.

"So what's up?"I asked her.

"The sky. Duh." She rolled her eyes coyly

"No I mean, what are you doing here?" I grinned in spite of myself. This ball of happiness could make anybody smile like a maniac

"Well, I was thinking…" her voice trailed off and she got a mischievous look on her face.

"Uh oh" I heard myself say. Alice's smile got even bigger if that were possible.

"You guys should come over tomorrow, we could have a little fun since Esme and Carlisle are out of town" she blinked her hopeful eyes at me.

"Alice, I don't know…." Alice looked like a lost puppy; her bottom lip was sticking out.

"Please? Please Bella? I swear it won't be too crazy!"

Nobody would be cruel enough to make Alice upset. She was like a small child, nobody could actually hurt her. Looking at Alice's face I felt my conscious melt away. I couldn't make her upset; she had a way of charming anybody who talked to her.

I sighed in defeat and Alice squealed like a little kid in response. "I swear it'll be so much fun-" I cut her off

"Wait. How about you guys come over to our house instead? Since you haven't seen it" even though we didn't go to their house, I knew Tanya would come.

"Awesome!" she squealed again. I kissed her cheek and turned around to walk away but her voice stopped me.

"Bella, wait" I turned back around to find her serious. Her face was filled with seriousness.

I waited for her to continue, what was up with her? I hadn't seen her this serious in like never. I watched as she made her way towards me, her serious deep golden eyes boring into mine.

"I've something to ask you" she said carefully, her eyes were guarded.

"Um, ok" she was making me nervous with all this seriousness.

"What's going on with you and Edward?" she asked me in a rush.

I just stared at her. My mouth hanging open and a look of surprise on my face. How the hell had this pixie figured my deepest secret out.

"it's just that you look so nervous around him and you looked like you'd seen a ghost the first time you saw him. and then you looked devastated when you saw Tanya. I just- I just want to know if you're alright."

Several moments passed. Just stared at Alice

"A-Alice-" she cut me off

"Look, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. and I know you don't want to tell me and really, I'm okay with that, I don't want to force you into telling me something you absolutely didn't want me to tell. I understand that" she said quickly

"Alice-" she cut me off again.

"I think I know what it is. Just the basics though. I don't know the full details though" She whispered softly. A couple minutes passed by.

I couldn't believe it. She knew, she definitely knew. I blinked at Alice's small frame as she nervously twirled a small spiky black piece if hair. She smiled weakly when she saw me looking, trying to give me courage.

"You know him. You've met him before" it wasn't even a question.

"Yes" I replied softly. There was no reason to lie now, she already knew the truth.

"And he forgot you" she blinked at me, urging me to answer.

"Yes" I shrugged, trying to look un-concerned but, there was no way I could pretend that. My heart was practically ready to jump from my chest and run away.

"Do you love him?" she asked me quietly, her foot drawing weird patterns in the sand.

I didn't know how I was supposed to answer that. I didn't want to say yes, didn't want to admit that I really did love him. It sounded too strange to say it out loud like maybe I was embarrassed by the truth. If I say it out loud, it would be the truth. The truth was just way too much to explain.

"Y-Y-Yes" it sounded like somebody was strangling me.

"Then it's good enough for me" Alice smiled so beautifully then. Her smile bringing up the whole world.

"Don't say anything to him. Please" I begged her and she nodded her tiny head.

"It's all going to ok. If nothing works, I'll force him to remember you"  
even though my heart was wailing tons, I couldn't help but laugh.

"Thanks" my smile was watery. She waved at me as I made my way towards my car./

As I walked, I smiled to myself and turn back around.

"I'm sure it's killing you not to know how I know Edward…." Alice looked so eager, I had to tell her.

"He was my husband" I left her there then, eyes glowing with disbelief and mouth hanging open.

I got in my blue porch and sped away like a bullet thrown from a gun.

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O

I stared at my room in frustration. I couldn't find my favorite sweat pant. I huffed in annoyance and went through my bag like a tornado. I finally found them deep in my bag, hidden by the cloths Marie had bought me.

I was just about to leave the room to go hunt after I put my snug sweats on but, something caught my eye.

A shiny diamond ring stared back at me from under the bed. The huge diamond on the ring sparkled like the moon and the gold on it shined like there's no tomorrow. I swallowed as I picked it up.

I bit back a sob, I will not cry, I promised myself severely and slipped the ring on my third finger. My hand felt so alive then, I felt like a queen wearing that beautiful piece of jewelry. It just felt so right, like the ring belonged on my finger.

I laughed bitterly, trying hard not to cry as I snatched the ring from my finger and threw it on my dressing table. With a loud thud, it landed perfectly on the table. Looking just as beautiful as ever.

I shook my head to clear my stupid thoughts and ran out of the room like a bat from hell. It was painful to ignore the situation but, it was the best thing to do. That's at least what I thought.

As I ran through the forest and hunted quietly, my mind seemed to go back in time. No matter how hard I tried to block out the one memory I wished I'd never experienced, my mind didn't obey with me.

With a quick snag, I was no longer standing in front of my dead prey. No, now I was sitting on a golden bed with Edward Anthony Masan. the flashback was from the time Edward had saved me from James.

"_You should rest now" he said. I let my hair fall in my face and gave a small nod._

_"Well, I'll see you later then" he said. He hesitated before leaving the room_

_I don't know why but, I had a bad feeling about this, I don't know why but, something inside me told me to not let go of me. Something told me to hold on to him. I felt like something bad was going to happen to him. I felt like I wasn't ever going to see him again. It really surprised me when I heard my voice bounce off the walls_

_"Don't go" I whispered. I was blushing like crazy now._

_I felt an ice cold finer right on my chin. Edward forced me to look at him. His emerald eyes were pained. Did it pain him to leave me? His gorgeous face was tired and pained._

_"I have to go to my doctor training" he said. When I didn't say anything, he spoke again._

_"Don't worry, I'll be back by sunset, I promise"_

I was gasping so loudly when the flashback disappeared. Edward hadn't kept his promise; he hadn't been back by sunset. Hell, he never came back. He broke his promise.

My frozen heart seemed to turn into ice because I could no longer feel its presence. Hell, everything in my body was numb.

Just then, a new scent filled my noses, it wasn't a vampire. A human, no less. Thank god I wasn't hunting right now.

The smell was pure and innocent; it smelled amazingly of roses and baby powder. I stood up, trying to get away but, then the realization hit my like a ton of bricks.

It was Marissa. The cute, friendly girl I'd befriended a few days ago. What the hell was a six year old doing in a forest at twelve at night?

I turned back around and there she was. She looked just as shocked to see me as I was to see her. She looked horrified, like she couldn't believe what she was seeing.

Her strawberry tinted hair flew in the darkness like a curtain. And her eyes, her innocent blue eyes seemed so horrified it even made me flinch.

"Marissa, what are you doing here?" I asked her carefully. I watched as her eyes tensed up and she looked like she wanted to run away.

I knelt in front of her, watching her clear blue eyes swarming with horrification. She chewed her lip and blinked her innocent blue eyes at me.

"I-I..." she stammered softly.

"what are you doing here?" I asked again, a little more sternly.

"Marissa! Marissa!" suddenly a voice swarmed my ears.

I stiffened immediately. I knew that voice, I knew that voice so, so well. If I were human I would always get nightmares about her.

Tanya stepped into the forest; her golden eyes scanned my face. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Marissa and grabbed her in her hands. I stared at her face while she talked stiffly with Marissa.

"Don't you ever do that again! I told you to stay near me! Why did you run away like that?" she scolded the little girl. Marissa grimaced and her eyes landed on me again, she looked like she didn't want to have this conversation when I was nearby.

"I-I saw a rabbit" she murmured softly, not wanting me to hear I guess.

"Don't you ever do that again, okay? You almost gave me a heart attack. There are so many wild things out here in the forest, Bears, Foxes-"

"How do you know her?" I demanded. She slowly turned towards me.

Tanya smiled genuinely, her eyes warming and inviting. I just wanted to know why she was holding a human kid on her hands.

"How do you know her?" I demanded again. Both Tanya and Marissa flinched together.

"Well?" my voice sounded so harsh. But, I didn't want Tanya near that cute little girl.

"Um. Marissa's my daughter, Bella"

* * *

**so um dont hurt me. this was an intresting chapter, i had way too much fun when i wrote about Marie and Stephen. Heehee. ****so now you guys know what's up with Marissa. im sure you guys have already predicted what's going to happen in the next chapter. but, i promise you it's nothing like you have in mind :)**

**next chapter: will be an amazing shocker. you'll have your 'oooohhh! 's and 'ahhhh!'s. **

**review and the update will be sooner, becase i get inspired when you guys review!**

**random question of the day: what's the lamest joke you've ever heard?**


	21. my loved horror

I felt like someone had just punched me in the gut with a metal stick. I stopped breathing and I could bet my eyes were probably bulging form my head. An 'Oof' sound escaped my mouth and that was it. I couldn't move, I felt frozen. Maybe she was kidding; maybe Tanya was just joking around but, judging from her serious expression it didn't seem possible. Marissa was frozen in her spot, her little hands on her mouth and her blue eyes looking so scared I thought she might pass out.

If Marissa is Tanya's daughter and if Tanya is Edward's mate doesn't that make Edward the father? Edward fathered this child? What? That can't be possible. Tanya's body couldn't conceive a child; her body was frozen just like mine. Marissa couldn't even be an immortal child, she was human. I could smell her innocent blood; I could hear her blood pumping in her veins. I could hear her heart pounding in her little chest. She wasn't a vampire, she was definitely human.

"W-what?" I sounded so lost it was almost funny. Tanya bit her lip and glanced at Marissa who looked like someone had just killed her puppy. She looked horrified and again, I thought she might faint.

"Momma, why did you tell her? You told me to never tell anyone" Marissa whispered. Her eyes flashed at mine but, then she quickly looked away. Tanya didn't even look at her, she was staring at me.

"She's like Momma and daddy. She's one of us" Tanya said stoned-face. She didn't glance at her so-called daughter. Her gaze was on me, I didn't know if she was angry or sad, or happy or frustrated. Her eyes betrayed no emotions.

I felt week, I had to sit down to make sure I didn't fall over. Tanya hesitantly sat next to me on the rough rock while little Marissa sat on her lap. Marissa buried her face in her mother's neck like she thought I was scary. I was too weak to say anything, my brain wasn't working right, it was like someone had stolen my brain from my head. I felt like a robot with no emotions. The world was a funny place, when you thought all the uninvited surprises were over, one just popped right back up. I waited for Tanya to say something; I needed to know what was going on. Tanya's big golden eyes met mine, her pupils had enlarged and she looked like she was preparing to spill a top-secret. Her eyes glazed at the moon, she looked like she was lost in thought.

"Before I was changed into a vampire, I was living a pretty happy life. 7 years ago, got married when I was 18 to a man who I loved more than life itself. I couldn't have been happier; I was living like I've always wanted to. I lived in a big estate in Virginia with a husband who kissed me the first thing after he opened his eyes and the last thing before he closed them. I was living the dream, I felt like I couldn't be happier" Tanya smiled like she could see the image. But, her smile seemed a little haunted. Her blond hair flew in the wind and she seemed to snap back to reality.

"But, then something else happened. I got to know I was pregnant. I wasn't ready to be pregnant; I was only 19 for god's sake. I didn't know what to do; I didn't want to have a baby. I didn't want to lose all my freedom. I wasn't ready to parade around a baby like it was the center of the universe. But, my husband didn't let me get an abortion. He practically threatened me that he would divorce me if I got an abortion" Tanya glanced at the now sleeping child in her arms. She held her awkwardly in her arms, Marissa looked like she was about to fall. She readjusted the baby and focused her attention on me.

"So I didn't kill the fetus. After nine months I gave birth to a baby girl. I was right; I wasn't ready to take care of a baby. I couldn't handle the pressure; I would scream and yell at my husband and at the little girl for no reason. I couldn't take care of her, I just couldn't do it. It was too much work and I was way too lazy and too naïve to look after a screaming child. I had absolutely no training in babies; I had no clue as to what I was supposed to do. My husband and I fought all the time, our relationship was going downhill" Tanya looked at the stars, black eyes were glistening.

"Then one day, I accidently dropped Marisa. She hit her head on the wooden floor and she started to bleed. I was so scared and my husband…. Oh god, my husband was like a tornado. He was so angry, he was so, so angry. I was afraid he would hit me, something in his eye td me that our relationship was over. We were hastily taking Marissa to the hospital, I was driving…" her voice trailed off and her eyes landed on Marissa's head.

There, on her forehead was a tiny scar that you had to squint to look at. It was pretty deep but, it was hidden by her bangs. Tanya absentmindedly torched the scar softly; her eyes were full of regret.

"I was driving. I was so, so terrified and my husband, he kept on barking orders at me, kept on telling I was a horrible mother. I was stressed out and I was crying loudly. I looked around to tell my husband to shut up. I wanted to tell him to quite insulting me-" she sounded like someone was strangling her. Her eyes were now glittering with tears openly.

"I turned around in my seat just for a second but, I hit someone. The person was made out of rock, nothing happened to him. But, it was me who got hurt. Me and my husband. Marissa was safely tucked away in her seat but, unfortunately my husband wasn't. My husband died almost immediately from the shock and I was searing my last breath. I had hit Carlisle with my car, and well he saved me. If you can call this saving." she laughed bitterly and gestured to herself.

"Before Carlisle changed me, he took Marissa to Rosalie. He couldn't just abandon her in the car. When I was changed, I wasn't allowed to meet Marissa for two years; I was after all a newborn while Marissa was human. Rosalie and Emmet took her to Paris where they took care of her…" her voice trailed off and she glanced at her daughter again.

"And the rest, well I'm sure you can imagine what happened" she looked lost; her eyes were still wet with un-shed tears. Her eyebrows were furrowed and she looked like she was trying to keep herself together.

I didn't know what to say. I stayed quiet for while as I watched Marissa sleep awkwardly in her mother's arms. As if she could sense that I was watching her, Marissa's eyes opened slowly. The clear blue eyes stared back at me with silent questions. Her eyes were sparkling with soft tears, her blue eyes had darkened. I realized that she wasn't sleeping when Tanya was talking. The little girl didn't say anything; she just closed her eyes again and let the tears fall on her cheek. I couldn't look away from her and I got a feeling that I'll carry this image in my head for the rest of my life.

"Marissa has his eyes" Tanya whispered suddenly, she still didn't look at me. I couldn't find my voice to answer

"She has my dead husband's eyes. I can't tell you how much it hurts when I look in her eyes. Not only did I damn her life, I also killed her father. When I look at her, I see his face. His nose, his eyes, his mouth. Every time I look at her, it's like living the car accident over and over again" I felt like she was talking to herself, like she didn't even realize I was here.

"Are you going to change her?" I asked softly. Tanya's hard, black eyes snapped back at me. She looked haunted, I felt like she was a thousand years old right now.

"Do I have a choice? I can't just let her grow old and die, it's not right. A child can't die before its parents. I'm waiting until her seventeenth birthday, and then I'll change her. Edward doesn't like it but-" I instantly hardened at the mention of Edward. What was his relationship with this sad child?

"E-Edward?" I asked as my voice shook. Tanya looked back at me; her blond hair flew in the wind.

"My mate" she announced softly. I felt my frozen hear shatter again. Her voice was like a razor cutting into ice. Even though I knew that she was Edward's mate, her saying it only made it more official.

"He's like Marissa's father. She loves him and he loves her. I don't know what I would do it he weren't here. I don't know what Marissa would do if he weren't here" my eyes snapped at Marissa and I saw her smile slightly through her pained tears. I swallowed my bitter remark and focused back on Tanya again.

"He doesn't like it but, I have to do what I have to do. He wants her to stay human for her entire life but, I can't let her die. It would be like breaking an unspoken promise to my dead husband. I have to protect her but, I have no clue how to. If she turns into a vampire, she'll never get hurt, she'll never have to die" Tanya looked broken again, she looked tiered and pained.

"Edward hates this idea, he thinks it's wrong. He thinks we have no souls and that we're un-natural creatures. I couldn't agree more but, this is something I just have to do" she sighed softly.

I wished I could hate her. But, I couldn't. I just couldn't, she had already been through too much. Seeing her like this, all broken it made my heart ache for her. Without thinking, I put my pale arm around her.

Tanya jumped, she looked very surprised. I couldn't blame her, I was too. She hesitated, her eyes questioning me. But, finally she leaned in and let me wrap my arms around her. She sobbed softly, a horrible sound breaking off from her throat. I hugged her tightly, not knowing what else to do.

In this time, we were sisters. Sisters who had been through so much in their life. Sisters who had experienced the worst pain anybody could ever experience. Sisters who went through pain every day. Sisters whose life would never be their own. I don't know for how long we stayed that way, me comforting her while she sobbed her heart out. All jealousy aside I hugged her tightly, hoping to comfort her.

It was true, I could never stop envying her, could never stop wishing her life would be my own. But, after going through so much in her life, I understood her pain. I understood the way she felt.

"Why did it have to be me?" she cried out. I had wondered the same exact thing for a century now but, id never gotten the answer.

"I don't know. I just don't know" I whispered. I didn't want to give her some stupid answer. It was the truth and it had to be revealed.

I didn't realize I was crying too until I felt my eyes get heavier and my throat closed up. I didn't sob though; I didn't let my tears make any noise. My dry silent tears stood on the very edge of my eye, threatening to spill over. But, they were frozen, just like me. They would never fall; I would never get the satisfaction to actually openly cry with actual tears running down my cheek.

A soft sob came from Marissa's mouth. She was crying too, her blue eyes were puffy and bloodshot, her nose a crimson red. She was trying to keep quiet; she didn't want her mother to know that she'd overheard our conversation. But, it was already too late. Tanya glanced down at Marissa.

Tanya squeezed her pitch black eyes closed. She looked like she wanted to kill herself. Her sobs were louder now and then without a word she entangled herself from me and handed me her child. Tanya gave me a small sad smile, thanking me with her eyes and then she ran. She ran away from me and her daughter. She needed some time alone; she needed to get away from everyone for a while.

I stared at the ground that Tanya had stood on just about a second ago. I glanced at Marissa, the poor girl was still crying. Her tears soaked on her golden hair. I'd never touched a child before but, my instinct told me to cuddle her in my arm, to make her feel safe and secure. Marissa wasn't tall, so she perfectly fit in the crook of my arm. I squeezed her close to me, trying to make her feel safe. Marissa wrapped her small hands around my neck and clung to me tightly.

I held her until she stopped crying, which was a long time. Finally, her wails stopped and she turned around to face me. She looked like hell. Her hair was a tangle of leaves, dirt and little strands of golden. Her blue eyes were bloodshot, her cheeks were clumped with brown dirt, and her nose was red and a little runny. But, I didn't care. To me she was the most beautiful baby on the world.

"Mommy doesn't like me" she whispered as she played with her hands. I gently wiped her eyes to get rid of the tears that she still shed. I then I cleaned her cheek slowly.

"Mommy loves you" I said gently. Marissa looked at her feet which were resting on the other side of my elbow. She bit her lip- a trick that I always used.

"d-daddy is not my daddy" her voice shook with more tears. She meant Edward. Of course, she thought of him as her dad. Maybe this was supposed to make me angry but, all I felt at this time was my heart breaking for the poor girl.

"Do you love daddy?" I asked. Marissa didn't look up but, she nodded.

"Does he love you?" I asked her. She frowned through her tears, her little eyebrows furrowed at the questioned.

"I don't know" she still had trouble pronouncing the't' in don't. I don't know why but, I thought that was the cutest thing ever. Sometimes I forgot that she was only seven years old.

"Does he ever tell you he loves you?" I asked her again. She hesitated but, then nodded.

"There you go then. He definitely loves you" I stated with confidence. No matter what, I was going to make this child stop crying.

"You _dink_ so?" she pronounced 'think' wrong. But, it was the cutest thing ever. It made me smile with adoration.

"Definitely" I voiced. A small smile tugged her plump lips, and she finally stopped crying. But, the smile disappeared again and I frowned.

"b-but what about Mommy" her voice shook again. I swallowed.

"She'll be fine. She's just….." I was at loss for words. I couldn't lie but, I couldn't completely tell her the truth. Marissa's hopeful eyes blinked at me.

"She just needs time alone" yeah. Great going Bella. But, Marissa seemed to believe me, she finally stopped crying.

Marissa smiled up at me showing off her teeth. Her front tooth was missing which made her cuter than she already was. Being this cute should be illegal. I smiled back immediately, I was glad I'd made this child stop crying after all. I reached out and tucked her blond hair behind her small ears. She-

Just then I remembered something that I had wished I hadn't remembered. Alice. Oh god! She said they would be coming to our house tonight! Man! How the hell could I have forgotten that?

"shi- I mean crap" I said to myself. I didn't want to swear in front of a six year old

"What happened?" Marissa looked concerned. She chewed on her lip again. I smiled at her reassuringly and put her on the ground but, she didn't let go. She tightened her arms around my neck. She wanted me to carry her, I realized. I swallowed and then picked her up again. She weighted as much as the air

"Nothing. Alice and some other people were supposed to come to my house tonight" I said in a soothing voice. Marissa frowned again.

"You mean Aunt Alice?" she asked in her small voice. Oh. So Alice was her aunt.

"Aunt Alice, Uncle Jasper, Aunt Rosalie, Uncle Emmet and Edward" the last name made me shiver. I didn't know if I shivered because I was excited or nervous. A little of both, I guess.

"Daddy's coming too?" Marissa's lips made a big 'o' in surprise. I nodded nervously. I just hoped that everything will turn out alright.

"What about mommy?" I was at loss for words again. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't crush Marissa's hopeful little face.

"I'm sure she'll show up later in the evening" which wasn't an actual lie. She might show up, right? Marissa smiled, her blue eyes sparkling with life again. I was glad she was happy, it made me happy too.

Looking into her innocent blue eyes I could feel something tugging at my heart. I felt my frozen heart melt as she smiled at me with trust. She was just so….pure. I smiled back with equal eagerness and bounced her in my arms playfully. She giggled as she landed in my arms safely.

"Are you like momma and daddy?" she asked me as I started to walk towards my house.

"Hmmm?" I hummed softly and looked into her soft eyes.

"You have _de _same eyes as dem. All golden. " it was adorable how she couldn't pronounce't' right.

"I guess I am" I mused. She looked at me with wide exited eyes.

"Really? Can you run like them?" she asked me eagerly and put her hand on my stone cool neck.

"Sure. Would you like to see?" I asked with a small smile. She nodded eagerly. In a second I safely wrapped her around my shoulders and then started to run.

We were at my house in less than a five heartbeats. When I stopped running I heard Marissa laugh slowly, I pulled her face to me and saw that she looked awed.

"That was- that was awesome!" she shouted and I smirked. It was nice to have kids call you awesome.

"Bella!" I heard a Pixie shout out. I turned my gaze around just to see a bronze haired guy shoot like a bullet towards me.

In less than a second the blue eyed girl was stolen from my hands and put into the hands of a handsome bronze haired Greek god. I blinked and saw Edward literally squish Marissa to him tightly. I saw the way Marissa clung to him for dear life. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his neck tightly. Edward handled her with such care it was like she was made out of glass. I felt like an intruder watching this show, it seemed way too private for me to see.

I uneasily turned my gaze to Alice who gave me a reassuring smile. She danced her way towards me and lightly pecked me on the cheek.

"I saw Marissa with you. I told Edward she's fine but, he wouldn't listen to me. Can you believe it? He wouldn't listen to the awesomeness of the physic vampire" she rolled her eyes playfully and gestured to Edward.

I turned to Edward again. I got the same reaction I always did when I looked at him, my heart clenched and I felt a wave of nausea hit me. He was just so beautiful. His golden eyes snapped to meet mine, a precious moment was born. He was thanking me silently, his eyes melting into mine. I felt dumbstruck, there were so many emotions running through his eyes. His liquid golden eyes burned into mine so fiercely it made me wince slowly.

He seemed so grateful that it made me flinch. The right side of his mouth turned up into a perfectly crooked smile. He kissed Marissa's perfect little head slowly, his eyes never once leaving mine. I swallowed slowly. It was obvious as hell to me that Edward and little Marissa shared a strong father-daughter relationship. I still didn't know how I felt about that. But, seeing them together made something in my heart melt. I felt a strong sensation of something in the pit of my stomach.

He didn't thank me by speech which I was grateful for, believe it or not. I fumbled with my hands slowly; I didn't know what else to do. Alice had danced away to his husband quite a while ago and now I was alone with Edward and Marissa.

"Are you ok?" Edward asked his daughter slowly. Marissa grinned largely.

"Totally! I even got Bella to run!" she giggled softly. It was like music to my ears and I think Edward felt the same way because he kissed her perfect forehead again.

Some noise caught my attention. Screeching noises coming from less than a mile away. An alarming sensation raised its head in my mind. No one ever came to our house; it was hidden deep in the bulk of the dark forest. I'd had people built it so, my family and I could hide away from the humans. Edward noticed the same thing as me because his perfectly arched eyebrows shot up.

Then I completely understood and I felt like choking Marie and Stephen with my bare hands. I could smell the humans; they were less than a mile away now. Oh why? Why had I gotten Marie and Stephen as my family? Why couldn't I have picked someone who was way more mature to do this?

"What's going-" I cut off a now worried Edward. I opened my mouth and put as much hate I could manage into my words.

"MARIE! STEPHEN!" I saw Marissa flinch and I instantly felt bad. I waited for them to show up; they were definitely hiding from me. Bad idea.

"IF YOU DON'T GET HERE IN LESS THAN A MILISECOUND I'M GOING TO BURN BOTH OF YOUR CARS" I yelled loudly. I knew that they would be here in less than a heartbeat and I was right. They both sheepishly made their way towards me, their faces hooded.

I wanted to curse them with every colorful word I could think of but, well there was a child standing right next to me. I tried to control my anger by breathing in and out for a while but, when I spoke I understood that it was help.

"What the hell were you thinking?" I contained myself from not yelling. I felt Edward's presence next to me and instantly calmed down. Just a little though.

"Well….um we just wanted to unload our next 'scheme'" Marie said sheepishly. I'd never felt the sudden urge to slap her before.

"So you just invite a bunch of humans to come party with vampires. Amazing idea sweetie" if I were human my face would be red from anger. Stephen grinned slowly.

"It'll be really fun! You don't even the next part in our plan! It's going to be so awesome! I swear-" a dark glare from me cut him off but, he continued to speak "and by the way, it was Alice's idea"

I should've known better. I felt Edward sigh next to me and I had a sudden urge to touch him. I mentally slapped myself. As on cue, Alice popped up. She grinned sheepishly and a mischievous glint in her eye appeared.

"Don't worry. Everything will be alright. I just couldn't let Marie and Stephen have all the fun by themselves, I wanted to help them out a bit. Don't worry, everything will turn out perfecto!" she laughed. I could tell that Edward and I were thinking the same thing.

"If you haven't already noticed, we have a child with us right now" Edward clenched his perfect teeth. I shivered at the thought of those perfect teeth biting my lips. I mentally slapped myself again. Suddenly Jasper appeared next to Alice followed by a very excited Emmet and I very bored looking Rosalie.

"Actually she did notice. Nothing will go wrong. I promise" Jasper was in this too? He seemed like a pretty serious guy, how the heck had these crazy people managed to talk him into this? But, I believed him. Jasper didn't seem like the kind of guy who would promise stuff without meaning too.

"This will be sooooooo much fun! Right, Rosie?" Emmet squealed like a little girl. I still couldn't believe someone who was this well built and who looked so mature was acting this way.

"Whatever" Rosalie mumbled. The ice queen as usual looked bored but, when she saw Marissa, she instantly brightened.

"Hey honey" Rosalie cooed as if she actually had a heart. Marissa smiled hugely as she turned her head away from Edward. It seemed like she seemed to really like Rosalie.

"Aunt Rose!" she yelled gleefully and jumped out of Edward's grasp and landed gracefully on Rosalie's arm.

"How's my favorite kid in the whole world" Rosalie was whipped. Her icy golden eyes seemed to melt when she met Marissa's eyes.

"Great! I was with Bella!" she pointed towards me. Rosalie didn't glare at me this time; she stared at me for a while. Her right lip twitched lightly, it was a weird icy smile but, her it was a beginning.

We all stiffened when we all smelled humans. They were just a few feet away, I swallowed quickly and said.

"I'll be in my room" I had no intention to actually stay and mingle with these stupid humans. Alice and Marie pouted but, I just ignored them. I did not want to stay here. I took my steps towards the house but, Marissa's cute voice stopped me.

"Can I come wid? I'm really tired" her mispronunciation was as cuter than ever. I waited for her to catch up; she jumped out of Rosalie's arms and ran towards me in her little dancers steps.

She reached out and clamed my hand in her tiny ones. It strangely felt normal, like my hand was made to hold hers. While we walked, I turned around to look at Edward.

He was as handsome as ever, he had a small smile playing on his red lips, and his golden eyes seemed amused. Then I realized that he knew that I was staring. I was ashamed but, not ashamed enough to look away. It was hard to look away from his hypnotizing face. He finally looked at me and his smile got wider. It felt like my heart just might start beating again. I think I forgot to breath but, it wasn't like I needed it. The last thing I saw before I led Marissa to my bedroom was Edward's beautiful smile.

Marissa stumbled into my room; her blue eyes were hooded with sleep. I had to keep a tight grasp on her so she wouldn't fall. She lazily smiled at me as I laid her gently on my bed. As it was cold outside, I tucked her in with the blanket that I never used. I didn't know how this happened but, it all felt very natural. I watched as Marissa's eyes closed peacefully and she went into a peaceful slumber. Sometimes I wished I could sleep like say now. I didn't know what to do with myself.

I could tell that the party was going in full force. Loud music was erupting from the base of my house. I didn't know how this would tie into Marie and Stephen- excuse me, now I mean Alice, Emmet, Jasper and Rosalie's- scheme. And really I didn't want to find out. I sighed again and opened my balcony. It was chilly outside but, I didn't feel it. My body temperature was below the positive. The view was beautiful from my small balcony. I could see the whole forest.

I was glad that there was nobody bothering my view, I was in no mood for more irritation. I sighed and wondered what Edward was doing right now. I grimaced as a small shot of pain erupted form my hest, it still hurt to say his name. I didn't know why my life was so messed up. Could you believe it? I was taking care of a girl who was the love of my life's mate's daughter. Yeah I was messed up alright.

I wondered where Tanya was. I just hoped she was alright, I didn't want Marissa to suffer and really I didn't want her to get hurt either. I just didn't want that to happen. That would make both Edward and Marissa suffer, and I didn't want that. I didn't know why I liked Marissa, maybe it was the sweet way she talked to me, or maybe it was her innocent eyes. But, no matter what, I liked that girl.

Thinking about Edward brought me another shot of pain. It just seemed so unreal…..how could he be alive? I still couldn't believe it. My life was hell. It was a living hell. I walked away from the chilly air and into my bedroom. As I walked to my rocking chair a diamond caught my eye.

The same diamond that Edward had slipped on my finger that day he's said 'I do'. The same diamond that I'd buried deep into my closet because just looking at it caused me pain. But, now when he was alive, my husband was alive, it almost made the pain unbearable. My knees were shaking so badly and I felt my hands tremble as I took the ring in my hands. It was hidden beneath my cloths but, I could still see it.

I swallowed back a agonizing scream and had to practically clamp my mouth shut from sobbing. I slipped the ring on my finger, it still fit perfectly. Had Edward slipped another ring on Tanya's finger the same way her had done with me? No he'd probably done it with great affection. He probably had taken her hand in his gently and then put the ring on her finger slowly, severing each minute. Then he had probably kissed her hand slowly working his way up to her mouth where he would've kissed her passionately.

STOP! My mind screamed. I clenched my eyes shut; there was no use to think about it. I couldn't change it but, I didn't have to live it. Why was my brain doing this to me? I stood there with the ring on my fingers for a couple of hours. I didn't move or breathe. I just became as still as a statue. My mind had gone completely blank for which I was thankful for. I didn't know what I would do if it had kept showing me whose hurtful images.

"Bella?" the sound of an alarmed child made me jump. Without a though I threw the ring on my rocking chair and made my way towards Marissa. I was thankful for the distraction.

Marissa looked afraid. I noticed she was sweating and that her lower lip was trembling. I ran to her as fast as I could and wrapped my arms around her. It seemed to help us both, we both clung to each other, it eased my pain. Marissa wasn't crying but, I could tell she was afraid. Her heart was beating a mile an hour and her breathing was ragged. I didn't ask questions until I let her calm down. When her heart rate slowed down and when she finally started to breathe normally, I shifted her in my lap so she could face me.

I smoothed her long curls which were matted to her forehead. She leaned into me and rested her head on my shoulder. I had forgotten about my previous problems. I was concentrating full on force on Marissa. I ran my hands soothingly along her hear. She sighed slowly.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" I asked her slowly, turning her around so I could face her again.

"I-I just had a bad dream and then I saw you weren't there. it made me- it made me scared" I knew she didn't want to talk about her nightmare by the way she bit her lip. I smiled gently and put my cold hand on her cheek. She didn't flinch at all.

"I'm here now. I'll make the nightmares go away" she hesitated but nodded. It made me sad to see her troubled. Even though I desperately wanted to know what her nightmare had been about, I knew she didn't want to talk about it so I didn't ask.

I laid her on my bed again and she snuggled into the side of my stomach. She had a weird way of sleeping; she curled up into a ball and touched her hands to her toes. Kind of like I used to when I was human. I knew she wasn't asleep because her heart was still beating a little too fast but, I didn't bother comment. A peaceful silence followed.

"Do you like my name, Bella?" Marissa suddenly asked. I frowned but, then thought about it.

"It's a very pretty name. Very old too. Very beautiful" it was her turn to frown now. She bit her lip as she thought.

"I don't like it. It's too- it's too boring" she declared. I laughed softly; leave it to kids to find their names boring.

"No it's not. It's beautiful" I argued. She pouted her lips as she thought.

"Well I don't like it" she said childishly. It was actually the first childish thing she's said all day. If you didn't look at her you wouldn't know that she's only six years old.

"What name do you like?" I mused as I naturally combed her hair with my fingers. Her hair was like silk, she had a pretty head of hair for sure.

"I like Bella. It sounds like Bell from beauty and the beast. I wished I was named after a princess" she pouted with no shame. I swear, her cuteness is going to be the death of me.

"I wasn't name after a princess. My name's very old, older than Bell actually. And Bella isn't even my real name" adoration dripped from my voice.

"Then what's your real name?" she asked me with those blue eyes.

"My parents named me Isabella" I tapped her small nose with my ice cold finger.

"It's better than Marissa" she sighed and looked at me longingly. I laughed again and hugged her closer. I thought for a minute but, and then finally spoke.

"Tell you what. You tell me what you want me to call you. It'll be your nickname" I was a pure genius and I could tell that Marissa thought the same thing. But, then she frowned again.

"I dunno what I want to be called" she furrowed her eyebrows and hit the tip of her nail thumb. I pushed her thumb away from her face and smiled slowly.

"I'll think of something" I shoved her hair away from her face. She brightened immediately, a excited glint in her eye.

"Pinky swear?" she demanded gleefully and shoved her pinky finger in front of my face

"Pinky swear" I confirmed and shook her pinky with mine. Suddenly, she reached out and kissed my forehead. I was way too shocked to do anything but, by that time she had finally settled in her bed and her eyes had already closed.

I was still stunned for a while. She was just so…. I didn't have any words to explain how she was. She was like a light to my dark world. I smiled with daze and shook my head at her innocence. I leaned my back against my bed and thought about the world with a small smile playing on my lips

~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O~O

I was thinking about random stuff when Alice burst into my room. She looked ready to scream from the excitement I was sure she was feeling. Just as she opened her mouth, I shushed her loudly not wanting to wake up the sleeping child next to me. Alice made a 'o' with her mouth but, then opened her mouth again.

"It's time!" she whispered.

"For what?" not that I really cared. She smiled so big it was a wonder her cheeks didn't break.

"For the plan to unravel!" she whispered yelled. Even though I told her I didn't want to leave Marissa's side she practically pushed me to the door.

With one last lingering look at Marissa's sleeping body, I sighed as Alice pushed me to the door. The party was going on in full force. Most of the humans were wasted, all drunk from the booze that one of them had probably brought by. One gross horny human boy even tried to get in my face and kiss me when I walked by but, I knocked him out. I thought about Edward as Alice led me somewhere. Why hadn't he come up to my room to check on Marissa?

"Where's Edward?" I was glad Alice knew the truth. She wouldn't think I was weird for asking that. Alice looked up and I saw sympathy in her eyes. I waited for her to answer.

"He went to find Tanya. He wanted me to thank you for taking care of Marissa" Alice said gently as if she were afraid of hurting me. Of course, he had gone to see his mate. To make sure she was okay and wasn't really hurt. I swallowed my bitterness and tuned any thoughts of Edward away from my mind.

Just then I saw Marie and Stephen standing on the kitchen counter with a mike in their hands. They had everybody's attention and I was pretty sure they were waiting for me. Here comes trouble. Out of nowhere Jasper, Emmet and Rosalie appeared at my side. They were all grinning, even the ice queen. Rosalie's eyes were asking me some silent questions and I knew right away she was asking if Marissa was alright. So, the icy queen did have a heart. I nodded stiffly and she breathed a sigh of relief.

"First of all I would like to thank you all for coming to our awesome party!" Marie yelled in the microphone. Everybody cheered even though they were all too wasted to even think

"We just have to tell you one thing. You guys all know Zack Etine, right?" I curiously looked at Alice. She grinned and rushed to explain but, Rosalie

"Captain of the football team. Blond hair, blue eyes. A complete ass. Calls you a bitch and trash talks you because you refused to date him" Rosalie explained nakedly. My eyebrows rose.

A number of gross boys had tried to ask me out but, of course I had turned them all down. This one particular boy didn't ring a tiny bell. I didn't even care if he called me a bitch. Who the hell cared? But, apparently Marie and Stephen and Alice and Jasper and Emmet and even Rosalie seemed to care.

"You know what Zack did to us?" Stephen pretended to sob. Everybody seemed to believe him. Marie looked like she was about to cry too, she wiped off an invisible tear off her cheek

"He - I can't even say it- he tried to rape our daughter, Jumbug" she sobbed. Oh god, you have t be kidding me. Marie pulled out her plastic baby and showed it to the audience.

"Tell me that you don't feel sorry for this poor, delicate creature. She was assaulted by a man and now, she can never ever be happy!" Stephen cried out. He had drawn a sad face on the doll's face.

There were loud boo's that echoed the living room. People looked angry; can't they tell that Jumbug is just a doll? Of course they couldn't, they were all wasted and all their brains weren't working right. Marie pretended to sob into Stephen's shoulder mournfully. The whole audience looked really angry. Wow. I just stood there with my mouth hung open. Alice was laughing slowly.

"I-I know I shouldn't ask you to do this but, please would the whole football team beat up Zack for us? You guys are the strongest. I couldn't fight him, he's too strong for me" Marie said weekly like she couldn't even stand on her feet. Of course, she was stronger than the whole football team put together.

I watched in horror as the angry members of the football team moved towards the door with their sleeves rolled up and angry expression on their faces. Even though I was horrified, I didn't bother stop them. Oh well, that kid deserved it for calling me a bitch. Marie smirked when she saw me and Stephen winked. I shook my head at them but, still a small smile graced my lips.

Everybody was still buzzing about Zack but, they were back in their partying mode. Before anybody could notice I slipped back in my bedroom. I didn't feel like talking to anybody but, mostly I just wanted to make sure Marissa was okay. She was.

She wasn't asleep, her eyes were wide awake but, unlike last time she wasn't afraid. She was resting peacefully on my king size bed with knees brought up to her chest. She smiled widely when she saw me and waved enthusiastically. I smiled slowly, my mind wondered about this strange child.

"You're awake" I noted. She grinned and cocked her head to one side.

"Duh! My eyes are open!" she giggled. Just then Alice hopped into our room again, I eyed her suspiciously, and did she have anything else planned? Alice laughed when she saw my expression but, shook her head at me. She pecked Marissa on her cheek and danced towards me.

"We're leaving. I saw Esme and Carlisle coming early form their hunting trip and I don't think they'll think partying with humans is okay" Alice sighed as if leaving the party caused her pain.

"Oh" I mumbled as Marissa jumped off the high bed. Immediately my reflexes kicked in and I instantly grabbed her from her shoulders. She landed in my arms safely. She was definitely used to being around vampires.

"Edward's outside and he wants to talk to you" Alice bit her lip, pity lingered in her eyes.

"Oh" I said again but, this time it was a different type of 'oh' my frozen hearts felt even icier. Marissa looked at me curiously through her big eyes.

"Come along, Marissa" Alice ushered. She waited for the child near the door while I put her on the ground safely. Marissa caught the hold on my neck and pulled my ear near my mouth like maybe she didn't want anybody to hear what she was about to tell me.

"Did you figure out a nick name for me?" she whispered in my ear even though Alice could hear us perfectly fine. I felt my lips curve up despite the situation.

I had thought about the perfect name for her. It was cute yet strange. It fit her perfectly. I couldn't have thought about a name that would fit her perfectly. She was going to love it, there was absolutely no doubt.

"I actually did" I whispered back. Marissa's eyes widened and her mouth turned up in a wide 'o'

"Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!" she asked in a rush. I couldn't make her wait longer so I put my lips right next to her ear.

"Nessie" I whispered.

* * *

**I know. i know. im the worst person ever! how come i havnt uploaded in 3 weeks, you ask. my answer/ lame excuse: i had homework and tons of tests this last few weeks. yeah. it's lame but, so true! stupid idiot school! what did you think of the new nessie, some of you might be mad but, as i said Nessie will make thinks much more dramatic! and i'm a sucker for drama )**

**review if you think School is stupid and the only reason you go there is to see your friends!**


	22. just shoot

With a big smile Marissa- I mean Nessie clutched my arm with her little hands. She pulled me down to her level and wiped my hair away from my ear. She put her lips right next to my ears and I could hear her breathe slowly.

"Thank you" she whispered. She sounded grateful too, but that was not what bothered me. It was the way she sounded, she sounded so much older and happier.

I felt something wet and slippery drop on my cheek. I instantly blinked at the contact. The small drop smelled salty and water. I blinked again and my brain worked in my head to figure out what it was. After a long millisecond, I got the answer. It was a tear.

I was so startled for a second that I froze. Questions ran through my brain like a fly, had I scared her? Did I do something wrong? Did I accidently hurt her? Why was she crying? I was alarmed; I had no intentions of making the child cry. I turned to look at the girl with wide eyes but, instead of looking pained or hurt she looked….happy.

"Thank you. I love it. Thank you so much" she said softly. She was grinning. She was happy, I decided.

I couldn't even speak. I just watched silently as another tear formed in her right eye. The tear was itself beautiful; I could see my reflection in the salty water which had formed on her eyes. She blinked and the tear fell from her eye. I watched in awe as the tear fell from her eye, it landed on my nose with a soft tickle. I blinked as the tear erupted into little specks of water all along my nose.

I couldn't understand why she was crying. If she wasn't hurt, then why was she crying? Cautiously I looked at her.

"Why are you crying?" I asked her slowly. Nessie just smiled again.

"Because I'm happy!" she said as if it were the most obvious thing in the whole wide world.

"You cry when you're happy?" I asked her with caution. Humans were definitely weird.

"I call 'em happy tears!" she giggled as another tear fell from her eye. Before it could reach her cheek, I reached out and snatched it on my finger.

I was fascinated by the tiny tear. It had been a century since I had ever actually seen or touched a tear. It was moist and quickly dissolved on my skin and flopped all around my finger. I had a sudden urge to cry and produce tears. It had been so long since I had cried. The last time I'd cried was when Edward was officially declared dead. I wonder what it felt like to cry. Would it be different then sobbing?

"Thank you" Nessie said quietly. She fiercely hugged me, a weird feeling developed in the pit of my stomach. I didn't know what the feeling was called, I'd never felt it before. Before I could even do anything, Nessie was gone.

She skipped down the stairs happily as her curls bounced up and down. She looked back once, her pretty blue eyes smiling so brightly somebody could have mistaken her for the moon. I felt something slip from my insides as she slipped away from me. I watched where she's just stood a minute ago. I felt myself smile for no reason and that rarely happened. Hell, it never happened.

I felt the air change and knew he was here. I could smell him anywhere. He smelled like sunshine and happiness. He smelled like my sunshine and my happiness. Did you know what it felt like to lose your sunshine and happiness to someone else?

I sighed softly, not wanting to make any sound. I knew he was watching me. I knew that he knew that I knew he was watching me. I felt something tightened in my stomach. I didn't know what I should do to make this all alright.

I had the same effect I always did when I saw him. He took my breath away. It wasn't just his beauty; it was the way he lit up the whole room. It was the way his eyes sparkled with life. It was the love I felt for him that made me tremble. Have I lost my mind? I didn't care, I only cared that he was here. Without him nearby, I felt like some part of my body was missing. I could function without that part but, it made me feel uneasy, like I was waiting for something to happen but, now when he was nearby I felt complete.

He cleared his throat, making me turn around. As usual, his beauty startled me. How could someone be this beautiful?

"Um hi?" but, it sounded more like a question. Edward's right brow rose slightly and he cracked his heart melting crooked smile.

Damn heart melting vampires with crooked smiles. Edward came forward; his hands were thrust into his jacket pockets. He stood right in front of me, towering over my small frame.

"Thank you" he whispered, his breath flew into my face. I had to resist the urge to inhale like an idiot.

"For what?" was my answer. I looked away from his beautiful golden eyes, letting my hair settle in my face like a curtain.

"For bringing Marissa home and letting her stay in your room" his eyes were suffocating me.

Even though I was a vampire and not to mention a 100 years old, my hormones still ran in my blood threatening me with feelings. Stupid hormones.

"It's nothing" but, we all knew it was something.

"Thank anyways" he murmured, running his hair through his bronze hair.

I clenched my hand from doing something I would regret later. Say like, running my own hand through his hair or like pulling his lips towards me. But, Edward didn't seem to notice anything.

"Do you love her?" I blurted out. He gave me a confused look, his head cocking to one side.

"Love who?" his tone was curious. I was dying, literally. I wanted to ask him if he loved Tanya, of course. But, could I?

"Marissa" I couldn't. I was a coward. Edward gave me another smile that still managed to melt my frozen heart.

"Of course" I didn't know why but, I felt very, very awkward.

"She's a sweet girl" I managed to choke out. My awkwardness was still lingering in my body.

"She seems to really like you" he noted. I shrugged, looking down at my shoes again.

"I guess" I didn't know what else to say. Great going Bella!

"Well, I better get going" I wanted to scream NOOOO but, as usual I wasn't a brave figure. I nodded and watched his back as he walked away.

I turned around, facing away from the door. The sight of him leaving made me cry. Unshed tears marked my eyes. He was walking out on me. Again. What did I expect him to do anyways? Stay here with me for the rest of my life? I-

"Bella?" I jumped but, didn't look back. I couldn't let him see me like this. I stayed where I was.

"What?" it came out harsher than I expected it to be.

Edward didn't answer but, I could still smell him. Like a dog actually. He would answer until I turned around, I knew. I forced my unshed tears back where the belonged- in my heart. And faced his slowly.

Something in his face changed, it became much gentler. His eyes softened in color, they were filled with concern. Was I really that bad of an actress? I pushed all the emotions I felt back inside my body and stood there, waiting.

"What?"I think Edward understood that I didn't want to talk about it.

He awkwardly stood there, running his hand through his hair. He dropped it though and I can't tell you how glad I was for that.

"What's you real name?" Edward must've noticed the pure look of surprise in my face because he let out a wry smile.

"I'm sorry what?" I asked him. Edward laughed, his voice filled my ears. It was like silk- soft and smooth.

"You name. What's your real name?" I was a little taken back at the question. I mean my name?

"Um, it's Isabella" I shook my head for no reason.

Edward looked deep in thought; his eyes were vacant as thoughts ran through his brain. He looked lost in time; he looked like he was someplace else.

"Isabella" he whispered, finally looking like he was back. I shivered ever so slightly, him saying my name did weird things to me.

There was a look on his face; a half confused half dazed look. I was frozen in my spot as he gazed at me with those eyes. Something flared in his eyes then, a tiny inch of familiarity. It looked like he was passing through his memories. Like he knew who I was

I stood frozen. What the hell was happening? Feelings were running over my body like wind, I didn't know what I was feeling. Then, it was gone. The look, I mean. He didn't remember me after all. I swallowed my disappointment and anger and hate and loneliness and hurt.

"Isabella" he said again but, this time there was no look of familiarity. His eyes were still confused, filled with questions.

"W-Why did you ask?" I admit it- it hurt me. it hurt me to see that he doesn't have a clue as to who I am.

"it- it sounded familiar" I froze again.

It sounded familiar? To him? He remembers? He didn't forget me completely? I didn't say anything, actually I couldn't say anything. It was like my brain had disappeared.

"Forget it" he shook his head at himself and then proceeded to walk out.

All the while I stared at the back of his head, watching the way the light shone off his hair. I felt broke inside, like somebody had taken my soul away. I was shaking slightly, my legs threatened to give out. Edward stopped dead in his tracks.

What was it this time? I watched as he turned back around. His eyes were bugging out of his head. He looked horrified. That's when I noticed where his gaze was settled- my rocking chair.

That's when everything crashing down. In a second Edward was in front of me, his huge golden eyes were filled with confusion and anger. I stumbled back abruptly, catching myself just in time.

Dread filled my body. All the color drained from my face. Numbness came at shore. Panic filled my body. Why was this happening to me?

Edward held something in his finger. Something very shiny and sparkly. His angered eyes were on me, demanding an answer. But, I couldn't speak

Because that shiny thing in Edward's hand was nothing else but, my wedding ring.

**holy shit. just shoot me will ya? soooooooooooooo sorry for taking sooooo long to upload this but, i guess life just caught up with me! sorry time 10000! you guys are the best! luv ya! btw I REALLY NEED A BETA! so anyone's who is intrested pm me :) sorry for the short chapter too, i know im acting really crappy.**

**luv ya! Mahi :)**


	23. tell me why

I couldn't speak; I was frozen in my spot. My eyes were wide and any feeling of life I ever had left my body quickly. Then it was only me and Edward, facing off each other with different looks. My ring. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have left my ring hanging around in my room? How could I have let him see it? How could I have been so stupid?

Edward's eyes were like death. They stared deep into mine, sucking away at my soul. His eyes were so, so angry. A wired feeling bubbled inside of me and I felt like I would faint. Again. I didn't know what to say, what could I tell him? Edward cornered me, pushing me against my wall.

I flinched back and I was captured. Captured in his huge hands. His hands blocked my way, crossing my thoughts of running away. I couldn't move, he was pushed up against me. I was afraid, I admit. I was afraid of him. I was afraid of the way he looked at me, like he wanted to rip my throat apart.

"What the hell is this?" he hissed like venom. I flinched back instantly. He held up the ring- my wedding ring- in my face.

I couldn't let him know, I couldn't let him know what it was. I couldn't tell him it was mine- I couldn't tell him.

Why? Well, I couldn't suffer the blow. What if he didn't believe me? What if he thought I was lying? I would die; my soul would crush and wash away like sand on a beach. I would die, literally. I was a coward I couldn't live through another painful experience. God knows how many ones I've been through.

"W-What?" my voice stumbled.

"What. Is. This?" his tone hurt like a razor cutting through my body. I forced back all the dry tears that threatened to explode from my eye.

"I-I don't know" I stumbled again. Edward gripped my shoulder now. Tightly. Now that got to leave a mark.

"What is this?" he knew I was lying. It wasn't hard to figure out. You had to be mentally challenged to not understand that.

"I-I told you I don't know" my legs shook underneath me violently and I had to lean against the wall so I wouldn't fall out.

"I know you know something. Tell me what this is" he demanded, his eyes glazed on mine reminding me of death. He had a temper, I knew that. I remember that.

"I don't know what it is. I-I found this in forest today" I was dying from the insides. My soul was leaving my body slowly, painfully.

Edward looked frustrated. His eyes looked half crazed, the way they stared at me made me want to run. He knew something, I realized. He knew something. That thought scared me half to death.

"This ring something to do with me. I know it. I can sense it. What's happening to me? I'm getting these weird flashbacks; I've seen this ring before. I know I have. I remember it. Tell me what this means! TELL ME!" He shouted and I flinched, finally losing my balance.

I didn't try to break my fall; I landed straight on my butt on the ground. That didn't slow down Edward; he dropped to the ground too. He leaned in so closely now, his face inches from mine. Panic filled my body. He knew the ring. He remembered it.

"I know this ring. Everything seems so familiar" he mumbled so fast, I couldn't understand half of what he was saying.

I watched silently as he rushed over with his words. He was saying things so fast, I don't think even he understood what he was saying. Every once in a while he would stop for a millisecond and run his hair through his hair, almost like he wanted to pull all of it out. His hands gripped his marble skin like he wanted to rip it out.

He didn't look at me for which I was glad for because I don't know what I'd look like right now. There were emotions running through my whole body, some I could understand some not so much. I felt numb- my body had quite responding and I just limped there, sitting like a sack on the ground.

My heart felt heavy and full like it couldn't take anything else. My throat was closed and I felt dizzy.

Edward finally looked at me and there were so many emotions running through his eyes, I thought I fight start bawling. He looked broken, like he couldn't didn't have any hope. His sad eyes gazed into mine. But, it were his words that pushed me over the edge

"Who are you?" he whispered slowly. His tone was hushed and sad.

My world spin and I finally let the feeling get the best of me. My eyes filled up with the tears I felt and the hurt. I didn't let the sobs get away though, no I kept them in their place but, I was done. I couldn't stop myself. I cried. I let my dry tears well up my eyes. I wished they would flow away, carry away the pain I felt but, they didn't.

"Y-You don't remember me" I said so slowly I didn't think he heard me. But, he proved me wrong. He took my chin and forced me to look into his eyes.

The soft gold burned into my soul. His eyes were soft and comforting but, at the same time they were fierce. I couldn't believe I was saying this. what was I talking about? What was I doing? All my feared were pushed away by my overwhelming feelings.

"Did I know you?" I knew what he meant.

Could I tell him? Could I tell him our whole history and let him know the whole truth? Could I tell him about the pain, the hurt, the miserable life I'd lived in? Could I? Looking into his eyes, I knew he knew something was up. He knew I was hiding something. And I was- I was hiding the darkest secret in the universe.

"You look so familiar and you bring back all these blurry images that I don't even remember living. I've been living in flashbacks these days and I see you. I see you in them. I see you laughing, I see you crying, I see you glaring, I see you smiling"

"I see you everywhere" he whispered. His breathe blew into my face. I was heartbroken. What could I do?

"What is this? You bring back a side of me I never knew existed. I see you everywhere I go, you never leave my mind" I squeezed my eyes shut, refusing to look into his golden orbs.

"Did I know you? Did I know you before- before I was changed?" he sounded so desperate. My lower lip trembled so slightly and even if I didn't want to every one of my memories of him thrust into my brain.

The first time I ever saw him, our short angry kiss, me in his room at night, him waking me up, his face when he saw me dancing with James. Him saving me from James, his sweet comforting face when I woke up, him touching my cheek before he left. Him leaving. Forever.

The love I felt for him was overwhelming. Why did he leave me there? Why didn't he come back for me and change me into a vampire with him? Did he hate me? Who did this to him? Why did he allow himself to forget me?

"Please, Bella. I need to know. Did I know you?" I couldn't see him like this, all broken and desperate. He wasn't the Edward who I knew; the Edward I knew was strong and fierce.

"I have to know…" he was giving up hope of me talking. I could see that in his face. He was leaving hope; he didn't think I would talk.

He looked pained; his sad eyes were so pained I had to bite my lip from screaming. Seeing him in pain caused me pain. I couldn't stand it so I said it.

"Y-Yes" I closed my eyes. Nothing happened.

It was almost like I'd dreamt the whole thing. Like I'd never said anything and nothing had happened between us. The darkness from my closed eyes surrounded me and wrapped in a ball of safety. This wasn't happening, I'd just hallucinated.

I had probably just made this up; my imagination was playing with me. There was no Edward sitting in front of me. Yes. That was true. But, what broke my thoughts was when I heard him breath.

He sucked in a huge breath, almost like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. I felt like I was floating on air, like I'd died and was floating through the clouds like ghost.

Something cold gripped my arms tightly but, I still didn't open my eyes. I couldn't face him now, I was too weak. How had this come to be? Edward had been dead for over a century, in my mind at least. Who would've guessed that he was alive for all this time, that I'd spend a century mourning his death? All those sobs, all those tears, all the screams that I'd shed for him. They'd all been a lie. My life was a big lie. If someone had come up to me and had told me that Edward was alive ten days ago, I'd probably punched them for their cruelty. But, now here I was, standing in front of him with my eyes clothes. My destiny was a bog, cruel joke.

I knew I'd have to face questions, tons of them. But, this moment I'd like to save. There were so many things that surrounded me and I felt like I would explode from all the emotions. The grip on my tightened and I couldn't help it anymore.

I opened my eyes. Staring back at me were two perfect eyes. It was like looking into an ocean, the waves were crashing in his eyes. The waves filled with emotions I couldn't understand. This was it, I thought. I'd finally done it; I'd finally revealed my secret. Did I regret it? Yes. Did I feel like I did the right thing? Yes. Did I want to forget this ever happened and run for the door? Hell yes.

I wish I could escape but, I couldn't. I'd made my decision and even if it wasn't a great one now, I would have to pay the price of my mistakes. I hated crying (you might've thought otherwise with my usual waterworks) but, I truly hated showing my weakness. But, sitting in front of Edward, I let out the tears. They blurred my vision but, of course none fell out. There was a sharp stinging ache in my heart, an ache so strong I couldn't help but, cry. I didn't think Edward noticed though, his eyes were dazed. As if he was dreaming. I could see anger too, it hovered in his eyes.

He had the right to be angry. But, not as much as me. It was me who deserved to be angry at him, not the other way around. But, I couldn't blame him. He had every right to be angry at me. Weirdly enough I thought of Marissa ( **Picture on profile!**!). I wonder how she would feel if she came to know I loved her daddy. She would be mad, I decided. My thoughts were broken again as I felt Edward's cold grip dig into my hands.

"Who are you?" he whispered again.

* * *

**hey! first of all i found the perfect picture for Marissa! gahhh the girl looks so sweet! so please go ahead and check it out (and let me know your thoughts about it. **

**i felt bad for leaving you guys hanging around for three months so i've decided i'm going to try my best to update as quickly as i can. happy now?**

**before i go, i want to thank VanessaWolfie for editing this chapter! i owe you one!**

**TONS OF LOVE- MaHi **


	24. oh, its over

_I wish I could escape but, I couldn't. I'd made my decision and even if it wasn't a great one now, I would have to pay the price of my mistakes. I hated crying (you might've thought otherwise with my usual waterworks) but, I truly hated showing my weakness. But, sitting in front of Edward, I let out the tears. They blurred my vision but, of course none fell out. There was a sharp stinging ache in my heart, an ache so strong I couldn't help but, cry. I didn't think Edward noticed though, his eyes were dazed. As if he was dreaming. I could see anger too, it hovered in his eyes._

_He had the right to be angry. But, not as much as me. It was me who deserved to be angry at him, not the other way around. But, I couldn't blame him. He had every right to be angry at me. Weirdly enough I thought of Marissa. I wonder how she would feel if she came to know I loved her daddy. She would be mad, I decided. My thoughts were broken again as I felt Edward's cold grip dig into my hands._

_"Who are you?" he whispered again._

* * *

I watched him like I couldn't look away. In those deep sets of golden eyes I could see my whole life flashing through. There was a deep pushing sensation in my chest, as if I couldn't stop the words that formed into my mouth to stay. But, when I tried to find my voice it was lost to me.

Edward stared at me so intensely all I could do was breath. This was it, I thought to myself. It had been so long since I'd wanted him to know this and now when I finally had the opportunity all I could do was sit there with guilt sweeping into my pores.

I did feel guilty as Edward's eyes watched me so, so closely. I felt like I was doing something wrong, something I shouldn't have words I had were stuck in my throat and I felt like if my heart could, it would jump right out of my chest.

"Tell me" I felt like even he had trouble speaking, his voice trembled with emotions.

"Who are you?" my hands shook slowly, I gripped them to my chest.

I don't know where I found the courage to speak but, finally after all these years I had something to say. It wasn't the entire truth but, it was something.

"Would you believe me?" my tone was hushed and soft, it sounded like the soft rain that ticked on the window.

"I would" and I knew he would.

There was a look of pure honesty on his face, as if he would believe me even if I told him pigs could fly. There was trust and there was honesty.

"Think back. Back when you were human" my whole body trembled and my brain screamed at me to shut the hell up but, my mouth wouldn't obey.

"There are so many things, so many things that I don't remember" he looked troubled and a look of frustration dipped his eyes.

"And I'm one of those memories you forgot about" I wanted to laugh it off, like it was no big deal but, as I tried it just sounded like a choked sob.

"Then tell me! Make me remember, don't hide" he gripped his hair and looked like he would pull it out if he could.

"I wish it were that easy" with scared eyes I looked up, his face was close. Only inches away.

My first thought was to pull away, but I resisted. As if time was frozen, slowly, carefully Edward lifted his hand, almost as he wanted to hold on to something. Hesitantly he lay his hand on my cheek and whatever life there was in me left.

We stayed there for how long, neither of us breathing, sitting in a tense position. With choked words I whispered "Tell me about her"

"Who?" he didn't remove his hand and it made it so damn hard to look at him.

"Tanya" I breathed. He froze for a second, his eyes looked taken back. Cautiously he took his hand back, never leaving my eyes.

"Does this have to do anything about Tanya?" he pointed towards me and him. I almost left like laughing out loud.

"It has everything to do with her. Everything. Every single thing." I said through clenched teeth.

He blinked, like he wasn't expecting my bitterness. "Tell me then, tell me what you know"

I shook my head at hi "I have to know some things before I say, this might change your life. And hers"

"How does it matter?" he watched me through hard eyes and I felt angry at myself for making him close off to me.

"You don't understand. There are so many things I want to say, I need to say. But, I can't. If I don't know the answers I can't say anything." The determination in me was a little scary.

Edward didn't say anything for a while, his mouth pressed up into a thin line. I knew that he wanted to know about his past as much as I wanted to tell him but, it wouldn't matter to him if he truly had feelings for Tanya.

And it would kill me if I told him everything that I remembered and that he just didn't care. It was better to know before than after.

"What do you want to know?" he said it if it were the hardest thing in the world and maybe it was for him.

I repeated the question to myself a few times, really trying to find out the true meaning behind his words. And really, it wouldn't take a genius to know but, I had to really dig through the deep roots.

"Just one thing- do you love her?" I froze. He froze.

I felt like time couldn't go by fast enough, we both just sat there. Next to each other with no emotions written across from our faces. There were so many things I wanted to tell, so many things I wanted to ask him but, this one was the most important one of all.

I was dying from the inside and I had to literally clamp my mouth shut from screaming. How cold this pathetic little vampire (me) become so fierce? Where did I find the strength to do this? the answer was lost to me but, as I watched my anxiety grew more and more.

After a long time Edward finally spoke. "What does she have to do with this?"

"Just answer the damn question. Do you love her?" I couldn't keep the anxiety at bay but, it sounded more like I was angry.

"Tell me-" I cut him rudely with my eyes closed. I couldn't hold it on anymore.

"answer the question. Answer it!" I snarled, I felt like I would start shaking at any moment.

He looked at me, his eyes never once leaving my face, there were so many things he wanted to say too but, I think he knew that I wouldn't let him off the hook. Then almost as if he regretted his answer, he spoke the words.

"Yes" and with that my world came crashing down.

But, I had prepared myself, I didn't feel the blow as hard as I used to whenever I would see Edward and Tanya. I think my body had gotten used to the sad and depressing times, and now it just knew what to do.

I had also prepared myself; my heart didn't go diving into the pit of my stomach. My brain didn't stop working; I didn't feel the razors cutting through my skin. I couldn't feel the stinging pain erupt from the pit of my stomach. But, I could still feel all my spirit leaving my body slowly, slowly.

Now I was truly what I was meant to be- a inhuman creature with no thought in her mind except for the crave for blood. I always wondered if I was something more than this creature I was, maybe there was some human in me after all. But, now I knew. I was nothing else. I was just this blood thirsty monster.

"Well, then. This defiantly makes things easier" I was shocked at how calm I sounded, as if we were just discussing the weather, rather than the memories of the past that I'd tried to block for over a century.

Edward waited for me to say something but, I found myself speechless. Where do I start? There were so many things I had wanted to tell him but, now all those thoughts were gone. There was nothing left to say, everything was over for me now. My life was gone.

"You know what's funny? I always wanted to die young. I never wanted to be that 90 year woman who sat on her bed all day long, not being to move a muscle, not being able to walk, not being able to do anything but, wait. Wait for death " I chuckled without humor.

"Isn't it ironic how I've through a century but, I don't look a day over 18? But, now I know. I would rather be that old, cripple lady rather than live this kind of life where all I want to do is kill"

"Isn't it funny? Isn't my life funny, I have nothing to live for- no husband, no children and yet I live, unlike all those kids and soldiers who die every day without a reason. They deserve to live, not me"

I snickered at my thoughts. Cruel place this earth was. Judging from Edward's face, I wasn't making any sense to him but, I continued to talk anyways.

"I wish I were human again. I wish I had a reason to live. I wish I could feel my heart beat, I could feel the blood that swept through my veins. I wished I could be that old grandma, sitting on her bed waiting for death."

There were sobs now that I was holding back, my mouth shook violently. "My life is nothing. Nothing at all"

"Was it different…. Back when you were human?" Edward asked me quietly.

I chuckled again. "Back then I thought my life was over. Oh, how silly things used to make me cry"

Edward's eyes burned into my brain and I could see him demanding answers. And I realized that I had been wrong when I had hid the truth from him. He really did deserve to know.

"I was sixteen years old. I led a normal life; I was a normal girl in a normal town. I was living happily until the day my mother decided to marry me off to the son of the wealthiest man in the town. And I thought my life was over"

There was no sign of familiarity or reorganization on Edward's eyes and I left my heart drop again. He did deserve to know but, what if he didn't remember a thing? It wouldn't matter to him. What was I thinking, going on and on about the life I tried to forget?

"Listen-" I sighed with misery. "There's no point of this story. It will not affect your life in any way"

Edward blinked again, his gold eyes look confused. "You promised me, you promised you would tell me"

"I don't keep promises, I never have" and it was the truth, I never did keep my promises.

I could feel Edward's anger and frustration radiate off his body and I wasn't even surprised or shocked when he reached out and grabbed me by the arm. His fingers dug into my skin but, I could barely feel it. His angered eyes look down at me in a furry. I swallowed.

"I have to know" he snarled at me. I blinked up at him calmly.

"It's better if you don't" and with that I untangled myself from him.

He grabbed my wrists as I got up, blocking me from my destination- my balcony. With strength that I didn't know I had, I snatched my wrist away forcefully and ran as fast as I could to the balcony. And then I jumped. I landed on the ground with a soft thud and then I turned back to look at Edward.

"Don't do this" I said softly. Edward stared at me without a word.

"Don't follow me, there's no point" I thought he was going to say something, and I was right.

"Are you leaving?" he asked me slowly.

And that question, I had to think about. The realization hit me in a second- I had to g. I had to leave everything behind; there was no point in staying here. I couldn't live with this again.

"Yes" I said surely and really it was what I wanted. I wanted to get away from this place that was a constant reminder of Edward.

"Then go. But, I'll be waiting. I'll be waiting for the truth" Edward's eyes continued to stare.

"You'll be waiting a long time" I said with a sad laugh.

And with that I ran deep into the forest, leaving Edward to stand behind me. I left everything as I ran but, I knew that Marie would be mad. no, she would be furious. She would hate me for it but, this was something I had to do. I couldn't take her along with me because now she had Stephen. I always did suspect it but, now I knew it was true. They both liked each other, and hey who was I to ruin things between them?

With a heavy, sinking heart I ran. The trees blurred past me as I ran past forks. I was never coming back, never.

But, what I didn't understand is that no matter what I do, I will never be able to forget the man who I loved so much. Edward would always be in my brain.

* * *

**I feel like i always keep on telling you guys that I'm sorry i cant upload soon enough cuz life is getting in the way. The other reason why i can't upload soon enough is because... im writing a new story! its Edward and Bella again and I'm writing down the first few chapters of it. its gonna be all human :)**

**And yes sadly this story's end is very close, i think only two more chapters left :( but, im sure the new story im writing, you guys will like too. no, the new story is not yet up because im waiting for this story to end so i can start a new one! **

**but here's a small treat for you all- its going to be called Love For The One With Hate. **

**If you have a better name for the story, leave me a comment!**


	25. hell and heaven

It had been 3 months, three months since I last saw Marie, three months since I saw Alice's cheerful smile, three months since I last saw any of those Cullens and three months since I saw him. Edward.

I had hoped that this aching feeling in my heart would have been dissolved by now but, it had not. I had hoped that I would again feel like the early vampire I had been before I saw Edward but, I did not.

There was a constant pain in my heart and it kept on telling me to move back, to go back to Forks where I would be able to see Edward's face again.

But, I could not go. I had to forget, even if it meant living in misery for the future years, it was the only way to survive.

I sighed as the loud school bell rang into my ears. i sat down in my chair watching as the other students piled into the classroom with laughter ringing in their voices. This was just like the other times Marie and I would join new school only, this time I was the teacher.

It had not taken a lot to convince the gross principle to let me teach in this high school, he was practically drooling at me. My new school was in Sitka, Alaska. It was a very small town and I liked it here, I had never been here before so now I could start all fresh

"Hello my name is Bella Swan and I'm your new English teacher. You can call me Bella" every one's eyes went wide when they saw my face. Especially the boys.

Now you might be wondering why the hell did I think to become a high school English teacher. I was bored sitting around in my house for over three months, it was mind maddening. I needed some distraction and this was the best I could find. Being a new student at a high school had becoming boring after doing for about, I don't know 12 times. But, maybe this would be more fun.

There was a silence that followed after my brief greeting and I waited awkwardly to start my class.

"Okay, then. For the following weeks we will be reading Tell Tale Heart by Edgar Poe, it's a classic-"

"Excuse me Mrs. Swan" I stopped and turned to look at the blond haired boy.

"It's just Bella" I corrected, there was nothing more i hated than being called by my last name.

"So you're not married" he obnoxiously asked me, the whole class waited for my answer.

"No" I answered curtly.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" okay, it was official- i hated high school more than I hated my life.

"That's not any of your concerns" i looked at him pointedly, glaring. He shrunk down in his seat but, sadly the other students didn't stop from asking about my life

"Where did you come from?" the red head asked.

"California" a lie

"Why did you move here?" the girl asked me with interest.

"Because I wanted to live somewhere new"

"How old are you?" the boy who sat in the last row asked me.

"24" actually I was older than his grandmother.

And that's how I spent the whole day, answering all the life threatening questions all my classes had. By the time the last bell of the school had ringed, I was mentally tiered.

I was never a fan of teenagers but, this proved that they were nothing more than a pack of wild wolves, they didn't have any manners, they did not listen, and they thought the most serious things were funny. Gosh, I wonder how their parents dealt with them-  
with a start I realized that it was worked. This new job of mine had made me completely forget about Edward for a whole six hours! i was shocked, this actually worked. In a daze, I walked to my car, slamming the door shut roughly.

I did not even realize I was driving until I looked up to see my house in full view. I shook my head as if to clear my thoughts. i was shocked and amazed, sad and confused, startled and angry, i was so many things.

But, after I reached home and plopped down on my chair, the empty feeling in the pit of my stomach came back in full force. Even after this day of forgetting about Edward for a full six hours, he managed to worm his way back into my heart and brains. Maybe I never would be able to forget about him after all.

After a few hours of staring at the wall blankly, I decided it was time to go hunt out in the open night air. It was a chilly night which made the deep ache in my heart hurt even more but, as I walked out the city limit the hunger in me grew.  
The forest was not big, it was tiny. There was not much to hunt for, just some rabbits and if I was lucky some deer, but it was not often I found some big meat. I munched over the small body of the rabbit; it was not one of my favorite flavors. I crinkled my nose as the unappetizing blood flew into my mouth but, at least the burning thirst started to die out slowly.

As I drank, a tense feeling made my muscle ache. Something was wrong; I could feel it in my heart. I dropped the bloody rabbit body on the floor and turned around dangerously. In a crouching position I sniffer the air. An unfamiliar scent flew up my nose. A vampire.  
My eyes widened and my crouch became more aggressive, whoever this vampire was, he or she was not a friend to me. A deep growling voice echoed from my throat and I hissed in the air.

"Whoever you are, I can smell you"

There was a slight shifting and I could feel the steps of the vampire crinkle the dry leaves he or she walked on. I was ready to pounce on whoever appeared before the tall oak tree but, this particular vampire made me freeze.

"Ah. Isabella. Long time no see, wouldn't you say?" James smiled his dark twisted smile as he casually leaned against the tree with his arms folded across his chest.

My feet were stuck to the ground all I could do was watch James with my wide eyes. A century, that's how long it's been since I saw James. I remember it as if it had just happened days ago when he had had tried to rape me but, then Edward had save me and James was put into jail. Or so I had thought.  
It turned out James had escaped from prison, turned into a vampire and tried to kill Edward but, James ended up turning Edward into a vampire. Then James had come after me and tried to take revenge for what Edward had done to him, he tried to kill me but Alice had stepped in and saved me from James.

I never really knew what had happened to James after that, I always thought he was dead. I thought Alice had killed him but, as I stared at him, his full form I realized with a jump that he was never gone.

A slight ping of fear crept up into my skin, growing closer and closer. He was a threat, I knew that. I knew he wasn't to apologize and make nice, that gut wrenching smirk proved my point.  
my brain scanned what was happening in front of me, James was here, he wasn't here to make peace, He was twice my size, he was stronger than me because he fed on human blood- his red eyes proved it.

With caution I moved back, my hunting position never once leaving. I growled dangerously, letting him know that I would attack if he moved any closer. James's smirk widened as if he thought I was acting cute.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed, my nerves were jumping- telling me to either fight or flee

"Cant a person- excuse me Vampire- visit his old gal pal?" His blond hair flew in the wind, making him look insane. He was just as creepy as ever, I wondered what I saw in him.  
My murderous glare didn't bother him one bit, he looked comfortable and at ease. I still could not believe he was actually standing in front of me, and all this time I had thought he was dead.

"It really does hurt when someone totally forgets about you, doesn't it? well, you don't' have to worry about me, I remember you bright and clear..." I think I knew where he was heading with this.

"But, Edward. Oh, Edward. He didn't bother to remember you, did he know? I always did think he was stupid but, this just proves my point. Little Edward-"  
"Don't you dare say his name from your disgusting mouth" I snarled at him. He only smiled.

"Aw, little Bella still loves Edward. Too bad he picked that blond girl- Tanya- over you-"

"Have you been stalking me?" I demanded with hate dripping from my voice.

My anger was reaching the boiling point and I had to restrain myself from not grabbing his head and ripping his head off.

"Stalking, such a negative word. I like to call it watching over the people I care about" there was a loving stroke to his voice, and I did not buy for a minute.

"Drop the act, James" I said through clenched teeth. He looked hurt, his red eyes blinking down at me.

"Oh, Bella. I wished we could forget about the past. We made such bad memories back then, I was young and naive and I made some terrible mistakes back then-"

My anger snapped in half and I ran at my fullest towards him, grabbing him by his neck and flipping him towards the ground. He hadn't been expecting the attack, so I caught him by surprise as I pushed his body towards the ground.

"If you don't tell me why you're here in less than a second, I'm going to rip your head off your body"

I got the reaction I was hoping for. There was a big flare of anger in his red eyes, and his eyes appeared to be a darker shade of red. as if he were fighting a harmless kitten he grabbed me by the collar of my neck and like a bullet threw me towards the other side of the forest.  
I broke my fall by putting my leg into the ground and resumed my hunting position.

I did not even see his storming body run towards me and like a hurricane he pinned me towards the wall, his eyes glowering with triumph.

"That was a big mistake, I was hoping I didn't have to kill you" his mouth moved against my ear and I snarled curses at him.

"I would rather die than talk to you, you vicious pig" okay, not the best comeback.

"Pig, is that all you can come up with?" I could feel his lips turning up into that annoying smirk against my neck.

"I don't have to come up with anything, I'm just stating true facts here, you bastard" much better.

He jabbed his knee to my thigh so i wouldn't be able to move and pulled his face away to look at me.  
There was a slight look of admiration in his deep ruby eyes as his finger grazed down my cheek, he leaned forward and inhaled deeply, his finger still cupping my cheek.

"I thought you were beautiful back when you're human, now you're just breathtaking. If only you got rid of these yellow eyes of yours. Red eyes, that would suite you- make you look dangerous. But, even with these yellow eyes, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen"

I waited for a second; his face was only inches away from mine. And then I spit at his ugly face. Seriously. I watched with satisfaction as my venom burned his eyes, even though it probably did not hurt much, it made his eyes itch and that was good enough for me.

"You want to play dirty? I'll show you dirty" as quick as a bird, he showed his knee into my stomach and I cried out in pain as it connected to my body.

I was right, he was much stronger than me but, that didn't stop me from kicking his leg away and punching him straight out in his face. He fell back, a ounce of surprise in his face.

"You're good but, not the best" he jumped back to his feet easily, and we both circled each other, taunting the other one to attack.

"I don't need you to tell me what I am and what I'm not" I spat. He laughed out loud, his red rimmed eyes rolling back into his head for a second.

"You're like a cute little kitten" A snapping sound rumbled deep in chest at his comment.

"I'm also quite cute when I rip vampire heads off" I growled, telling him to attack if he could.

"Did you come back here on purpose or did your miserable life get too miserable even for you?" I asked him slyly.

"I've been tracking you down for a while now, I just needed the perfect chance to kill you" His right lip curved up into a disgusting smile.

"We'll see who dies." I looked at my chances, maybe I could sneak in a little kick in the groin, and it still got to hurt right?

"After I'm done with, your lover boy is next" and that's when I really lost all the control I had

And then I turned into the killing machine I was made to be. All I saw was red. Even though I knew my chances of defeating him were slim, bringing up Edward made my protective side strike up like fire. All I heard was Edward, he wanted to hurt him. Again.

James had destroyed Edward's life a century ago but, I will not let him hurt Edward again. If I had to, I would die trying to save Edward's life, it was the least I could do. He deserved to be happy with Tanya and Marissa, I will not let James snatch that away from him. I won't allow it.

With a large snarl I ran forward, hitting James right in his chest. He didn't fall but, however he did stumble slightly and that was all I needed. With a large snap I shot my arm down his leg, and he let out a scream as I bit him right into his neck.

That's when things got ugly. As I tried to move my neck away, that jackass grabbed my hair! I screamed in agony as lashed it out of my head. That was not fair. A small distraction was all he needed and he did take a advantage of my weakness.

He flipped me on my back so now I was lying face down on the ground and on top of me was no one else but, James. And then I knew. I knew the end was coming, it wasn't far away.

The glint in James's eyes promised me that he wasn't going to let me live this time. Last time, I had survived but, this time there was no hope for me. You would've thought I would have been scared, terrified even.

But, I was not. There was a weird sense of calmness that ran through my veins, I felt as though I had been waiting for this day. The day I died. I did not deserve to live, I had lived for over a century now and there was really no reason for me to stay on this planet.

I had to go and I was anticipating it. I wondered what would become of me when my life left this earth. But, when James leaned forward, his teeth barring bright in the dark night all could think about was Edward.

Edward. Edward. Edward. Edward I love you. Edward, I will always love you. No matter what. I would miss him I decided. Maybe I should put up a fight for Edward but, I knew there was no cause. One way or another I was going to die tonight and why not let me less painful.

I closed my eyes and a smile lit through my lips as James teeth touched my neck. This was the end, the end I had been waiting for and I was excited to see what lay behind life. But, there was also a stinging sensation on my chest, I would miss Edward. I would miss his smile, I would miss his face, I would miss his eyes, I would miss every inch of his body.

Too late to change my mind though. I gasped out loud as James's teeth sunk deep into my neck and a feeling of exploded from that area. The pain was too much to handle. Worse than when I had been turned.

I tried to grow numb of the pain; I tried to go numb about everything that was going on. I tried to lose consciousness.

But, just as my eyes stared to slip away a voice broke me out of my trance. The voice of an angel, the voice of the person I loved. I heard him scream and I left my insides tighten.

"Bella!" and that was the last thing I heard before I slipped into the sweet darkness

* * *

**well you might hate me for leaving off on that but, im sure you're glad i uploaded sooooo soon! I'm sure you guys all know who the new person is *wink wink* and if you dont let me just say the person's name rhymes with _sedward. _**

**oh and about my new story- i will probably post the first chapter around next week and i'll make sure to tell you guys about it! chill out and comment!**


	26. Love For The One With Hate

I just posted my new story up on fanfiction! I'm so excited to start a new project and since this story is coming to an end ( only one more chapter left!) I thought why not start a new one? I want to assure you that you will love this new story, and you will not be disappointed by it

If you wish to read it (please do!) then go to my profile and look at 'my stories' the story is called Love For The One With Hate. Here's the summary-

Bella's normal life is turned upside down when she is sent to England to marry Prince Edward. There is nothing but hate in the relationship they share but, will this change over time? Follow Bella as she copes from being a teen to being a royal bride.

The next chapter for Silent Tears will be up soon, I promise!


	27. so much for my happy ending

_I gasped out loud as James's teeth sunk deep into my neck and a feeling of exploded from that area. The pain was too much to handle. Worse than when I had been turned._

_I tried to grow numb of the pain; I tried to go numb about everything that was going on. I tried to lose consciousness._

_But, just as my eyes stared to slip away a voice broke me out of my trance. The voice of an angel, the voice of the person I loved. I heard him scream and I left my insides tighten._

_"Bella!" and that was the last thing I heard before I slipped into the sweet darkness_

* * *

"Bella" the sweet voice called out to me.

I knew that voice; I knew it like the back of my hand. I could almost picture him, my angel, with his golden burning eyes. I wanted to look; I wanted to see his face, I wanted to run my hands through his soft bronze hair, I wanted to feel his smooth skin, I wanted him to lean his head against mine. I wanted so many things.

"Bella" there was a strain in his voice, as if it pained him to say my name.

I wish I could open my eyes but, I couldn't. There was a heavy weight on my body, pressing down. I felt like my arms weighted a thousand pounds, and I couldn't bother to move any muscle in my body.

"Bella" that's the point when I broke. His voice wobbled and trembled even though he only said my name.

There was pain, there was regret, there was hurt, there were so many things in his voice. He was hurting, I realized. My heart couldn't help but clench at his pain.

He shouldn't be in pain. No, he deserved to live a happy life. He shouldn't by crying. Angels don't cry.

"Am I too late? Have I lost you forever?" He cried out. Pain the size of a football bubbled in the pit of my stomach. Don't cry! I wanted to shout out but, I couldn't.

"What have I done?" His whisper blew to my ear and I wanted to scream.

"What have I done?" I was slipping consciousness but, I held my ground. I wouldn't go wherever the darkness wanted to take me until I was sure he was fine.

I fought mentally with the dark hole. My brain continued to push me towards it but, my heart continued to argue. I would not go. Not until he was fine. It was hard, oh so hard. The darkness was so comforting to me, like a sweet lullaby. And the pain that boiled on my neck would be heaven to ignore and get rid of but, I didn't let the darkness sweep me in.

"Open your eyes, please! Please, Bella. Please!" I felt his clench dig deep into my skin, begging me to awaken.

I had a choice. I could either keep fighting or go with the darkness. And maybe, I would be able to fight the darkness off but, did I really want to do that? I wanted Edward. But, he wasn't mine to take.

Did I really want to live more centuries being a blood thirsty vampire, a lonely vampire it is. Did I really want to see him smile and hug his beautiful blond wife as I hid in the corner? Was that what I wanted in life? No. the answer was loud and clear.

So I had decided, there was no going back. Even though it tore my heart apart to leave him, it was the right decision for me. I couldn't let him run my life. This is what I wanted.

It isn't like he really did need me anyways. He had Tanya- that beautiful strawberry blond girl- and he also had Marissa- the cute little six year old who considered him her dad. There was so need for me.

I had made up my mind and I was just about to flow into the dark, dark hole when Edward whispered the words that made me stop short.

"Bella-" he said in his broken, desperate voice. "-If you love me, if you ever loved me open your eyes"

And that's when I went blank. Love. Why did he have to bring Love into this? What did love have to do with any of this? He had no love for me, then why did he want me to prove my love for him? It wasn't fair, he shouldn't even care if I died or lived.

"Bella, Please" He sobbed. I could feel my heart breaking, breaking into little tiny pieces.

Please don't cry; please don't make me do this. Please don't included yourself into my life, please don't. He continued to sob, I could hear him faintly.

I couldn't see him that way and so I let the darkness slip away. That sweet ignorance that I really wanted left me and now I was filled with light. I could open my eyes, I could look at all I wanted but, I didn't. I didn't open my eyes. I kept them close.

"I-I'm here" my strangled voice choked out and awaited his reaction with closed eyes.

His hand on my arm suddenly went limp, like he couldn't bring himself to hold on. I lay on the ground and I could feel his presence besides me, he had stopped breathing.

"Bella" he sounded like he was watching the sun for the first time in his life.

"Edward" I whispered back.

All of a sudden, his hands gripped my arm but, I did not respond. There was urgency in his grip, as if he were afraid I would disappear. He pulled me up to him, clenching me to his chest. I did not know what to do; I kept my hands to myself, not responding.

His hands went up to my back, squeezing me to him deathly. If I had been human I would've been crushed. I stayed where I was, my fear growing by the second.

"Open your eyes" his sweet breath blew in my face. All I could do was inhale, he smelled like sunshine. Like sweet, sweet sunshine.

"No" I trembled with anticipation.

"No?" he questioned me, still holding on to me for dear life.

"No" I clarified with shaky hands.

I tensed as I felt his finger gently touch my eyelid. His finger traced my eyelid, making me flutter. I kept my ground and did not look, but it was killing me.

As gentle as a feather, his finger traced my whole face. First my eyes, then my cheeks, my nose, my forehead, my chin. He hesitated but, finally outlined my lip. I shook and trembled and told him to stop.

"Don't" I breathed. His finger paused on the middle of my lip, teasing me.

"Then open your eyes" his mouth was to my ear, and shook as his lip touched me.

"Why?" I was losing, it was so, so tempting to sneak a peek at the face I loved so much.

"So I can finally look at what I've been missing this past century"

His words sunk in and I couldn't help but snapping my eyes open. His handsome face stared back at me passively. He knew. The expression on his face proved it. He knew everything. I wanted to say something but, my mouth was glued together.

"Isabella Masen. Married off to a guy she doesn't know at 16. Hated her husband. He was shortly 'killed' and so was she. And pray tell, who was this husband of hers?" I think I was frozen because my body wouldn't respond.

"I'll tell you who it was. Edward Masen. As in me" his tone was like a razor cutting through ice.

His eyes held betrayal in them; it swirled in circles in his pupils. There was a bright light of anger that gave light to the golden. If anybody had the right to be furious it would be me but, his eyes made me feel guilty. As if it were all my fault.

"H-How..." I stammered, my speech was really not something I was proud of.

"I've always remembered, Isabella. I've always remembered you but, I just needed a little help pin pointing who this girl was" anger and hurt mixed with shame lit up his eyes and all I could do was stare.

"Why did you not tell me? Why did you lie, how could have kept this a secret. Every time I looked at you, a feeling of reorganization passed through me. But, I couldn't tell why."

"Then I put it to pieces. How you had first reacted when you saw me, your feelings towards me, how you were always on edge when I was near, how there was always hurt in your eyes when you glanced at my face. And then the ring, my mother's ring"

"But, by the time I figured it out you had left, leaving no traces behind. How could you not tell me?" the last part he roared and I actually flinched.

I realized my mistake. I should've told him, I didn't have any right keeping such a big secret from him. But, I was terrified of his reaction and I was a coward.

"Why, Why did you not tell me?" his eyes were lit in a furious way.

"I was afraid" I whispered into the night, refusing to look at him. I feared I wouldn't be able to speak if I looked at his face.

"How could not be? You didn't need me, you still don't. I don't even know why I'm telling you this. You don't love me-"

He suddenly grabbed my wrists in his hands, squeezing them so tight that I had to look at him. There was desperation there; his eyes begged me for something. He leaned in so close that I couldn't even see anything but his clear golden eyes.

"You don't know how I feel. Don't assume things. How would you know if I loved you or not, you never asked me" he forced out.

I was dumbstruck. Did he just say in a weird twisted way, that he loved me? Was I dreaming? Was I dead? What the hell?

"You don't love me" I said with calmness. It was like I was trying to convince him to not love me.

"What if I do?" he pressed. His bronze hair tousled in the wind.

"You don't" I clarified, my eyes hard.

"For god's sake Bella, I love you!" he screamed in frustration.

"How can you not see it? How can you not see the love? If I didn't love you, do you think I would've come here all this way just to see your face? I came here to apologize, I came here to tell you I love you!" he was breathing hard, his eyes glowed like emeralds.

"Edward, you don't love me" I said through clenched teeth.

"How can I prove it to you? How can I make you believe?" I didn't have an answer for his question.

All of a sudden, his eyes lit up. And then he grinned, his lips curving up into that crooked smile I loved so much. Then he leaned forward- we were only inches away but, as he leaned my confusion grew.

Then I got what he was trying to do and all I could do was freeze up. My body locked up and my eyes widened. The guard that I had guilt up to block him out came crashing down when his lips touched mine.

He kissed me. Edward kissed me. This was the second kiss I had ever shared with him. The kiss had certain urgency to it, like he couldn't get enough of it. There was a fire that built up between our bodies, both of us were filled with heat.

I tried, I really did try to resist the passion I had for him but, the second his soft red lips touched mine I forgot all about my resistant. I grew alive, I felt like a firecracker.

The feeling of death that had always been dragging in my body flew away and I felt human again. I felt like my heart would start beating again, like my blood would start racing through my veins again. I felt like I could live again.

With as much force as a bullet, my lips responded to him. I kissed him back with hunger, grabbing to as much of him as I could. My hands went through his hair, pulling and scratching. My legs wrapped themselves around him, pulling his closer. I clung to him like he was the blood I needed to survive on.

I don't know for how long we kissed. We kissed and kissed and kissed. I wanted more, I needed more of him. It had been century since I had any sort of romantic contact with any kind of species. I had to resist the urge to rip his clothes apart. I knew I should pull away and talk to him; this wasn't the way to discuss. But, it was so damn hard when he was sucking on my bottom lip like I was the only reason for him to live.

With force, I jerked back. My lips missed the feeling of his but, I held my ground. Edward blinked, his golden eyes filled with confusion. We were both breathing hard, I was panting.

"Edward-" I panted. I tried to collect my breath so I could speak normally again.

"We can't do this" I told him softly even though it ripped me apart.

Edward just stared. His confusion turned into hurt and pain. His lingering eyes made me feel warm and tingly inside.

"You don't want me?" he asked me slowly in a whisper.

"What? No, no of course I want you! I have wanted you since a century! We just can't do this!" I exclaimed.

"Why not?" he blinked again. So damn irresistible.

I was silent for a few seconds, fearing what was to come next.

"Tanya" was the only thing I could say.

"What about Tanya?" he asked me.

"I can't do this to her. She needs you more than I do. And then you have Marissa, what about her? I'm tearing her family apart if we keep doing this. I-" he cut me off

"Bella, Tanya left" he stroked my chin and I was distracted by the motion.

"Wait, WHAT?" my eyes widened. Tanya left? What?

"I was never truly in love with her. And nor was she. I stayed with her because of Marissa. Its Marissa I love, she's the girl who I can't live without. I forced myself to believe I loved Tanya, just to keep Marissa with me"

I was shocked by his response. He didn't love Tanya? He didn't love Tanya. He didn't love Tanya! There was a rush of happiness that I left through my whole body.

"You never loved Tanya" I said, just to hear his answer again.

"No, Bella. You're the only girl who I have ever loved. Aside from Marissa, of course. And Esme, and Alice. And maybe even Rosalie" he chuckled at the last part and I laughed with him

But, my laughing stopped. If Tanya left then Marissa would go too. I was saddened by the last part; I really did like that little girl. She was a cutie.

"What about Marissa, did she leave too?" I said, all joking aside.

"Tanya left the day of the party Alice threw at your house. She just disappeared, she left Marissa. Marissa is at home, in forks right now" He smiled. I could feel the love he shed for her.

Then he leaned in again for a kiss. My body wanted him, trust him. I needed him but, my brain told me to stop. And so I did even though my heart screamed at me. I placed my hand on his chest and he looked up.

"Will she accept me? Marissa? She will think I'm stealing you away from her. She will think I'm trying to replace Tanya-"

"Bella-" Edward said, looking a bit annoyed. "Marissa is awaiting you. She can't wait to see you and she would rip my head off if I came home without you"

I was shocked. And so flattered. She wanted me! She wanted me to live with her and her daddy! I was so gleeful. I couldn't help but smile the size of the sun.

"Edward but, will this work out? What if-" He cut me off again

"Bella?" he asked flatly.

"Yes?" I asked him worriedly.

"Shut up please" he looked like he was trying to control himself.

"Um…Why?"

"So I can kiss you and spent the rest of my life with you"

I was caught off guard. I blinked in surprise as the information sunk in. Rest of his life, he wanted to spend with me. Me! Me of all people, me out of those gorgeous girls.

Without even thinking, I leaped in his arms and crushed my lips to his. He held me close against him, afraid to let go. My arms curled behind him, not willing to let go.

This was it. I got the thing I always yearned for. I have Edward. There are still so many things that are wrong in my life but, this is right.

As I held him against me, my lips embracing his, I realized that I was living again.

As I'll continue to live, the strong love I feel for Edward will never die down. My love for him will live on

* * *

**GO TO THE NEXT CHAPTER NOW!**


	28. Epilogue

A smile made my lips curl. A bubble of nervousness fluttered in my chest. I sat down in the plush sofa and curled my body underneath me. My head rested on the plate of the window, my eyes staring at our twinkling backyard. that was decorated with white flowers.

My fingers twisted around my engagement band, anxiously spinning it on my finger. My silk gown was crunched beneath my legs and I knew it would cause Alice to have a fit.

I smiled again when I felt _his_ presence behind me. No matter how hard he tried, he was never able to catch me by surprise.

"You look beautiful" his soft, honey-like voice whispered from behind me, making me melt. If he only knew the effect he had on me.

In a second, I was turned around to face him, staring into his glorious face. He was smiling crookedly, his golden eyes sparkling with delight. He took me in his arms and I finally fell against him, feeling whole and complete.

"Don't be nervous" he said in my ears, causing a hot shiver up my spine.

His arms were tense underneath me, he wasn't breathing. His voice was soft but, controlled, an octave lower. His eyes were dark, anxiousness twirling in the orbs.

"You should take your own advice." I said softly, making him chuckle.

"If only I could" he kissed my forehead and I rested my head on his heart.

We both stayed that way for a few minutes, just breathing into each other. It truly did fee marvelous, holding him in my arms. But, a heavy weight was pressing down my chest and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get rid of it.

"I'm scared" Edward sighed.

"Don't worry" I tried to comfort him but couldn't, I was in the same position as he.

"It's so soon" his breath tickled in my ear and I sighed.

"It is." I agreed, my voice cracking on the last part. Finally letting my emotions out.

"Then remind me again, why the hell are we going through with this again?" Edward's voice was low, but demanding.

I allowed myself a second to let the sorrow consume my body. I let it spread to my heart, making my eyes wet with emotions. My throat formed a lump, making it hard for me to swallow. I wanted to cry but, my dry eyes wouldn't let me.

But, then after that second I let the sorrow flush out of my body. I breathed in deeply, bringing in the sweet smell of pine and flowers. I had spent enough time being sad about this, this was not suppose to be a grieving event. I was supposed to be happy, I was ruining this day for her. If she saw me like this, I could only imagine what she would do.

"Because, I know she deserves this." I said, pulling away from Edward's chest to look him in the eye.

"But, she's so young" Edward breathed, pinching the bridge of his nose. His habit still made me smile.

"She's 5 years older than us when we went through this." I said, standing on my tiptoe to place a kiss on his lips. He opened his eyes.

"I just don't want her to leave us." He whispered, his voice broken. I felt his pain

"She's a grown adult, Edward. That what she's suppose to do, break away from us and make her own life out there. And this is only the first step" I said and Edward sighed again.

"I still don't like him" He said, furrowing his eyebrows. I laughed.

"You can imagine what my father felt like when you swooped in and took me away." I said to him.

"But, I can't believe she's marrying _him-_" I laughed. "- he's just so strange. He's like freaking mountain. He might even crush her when they're sleeping next to each other."

"Edward, stop hating on him. Jacob is perfect." Edward had never liked Jacob, they didn't get along.

"Why him though? Couldn't she choose someone else?" Edward's eyes were narrowed. I laughed again.

"Jacob makes Marissa happy, Edward. He's all she's ever wanted in a man. And I know for a fact that Jacob is crazy about Marissa, he would do anything for her. They're both so happy together. They love each other very much, they should get married." I said to him.

"She's my little girl though." Edward said, but he was smiling a little.

"She's 26! She looks older than us! In a few years, she'll be able to pose as our mother." Edward laughed a little.

"And besides think of her future. She'll be able to enjoy her life with Jacob. They'll be able to go out on Saturday nights and drink beer. They'll be able to invite all their friends and watch the super bowl together. They'll be able to go out in the sun on a sunny picnic. They'll work hard and buy their own house. And the biggest thing of all, they'll be able to have children together."

"Marissa will give birth to a beautiful baby. We'll be grandparents! She'll be able to enjoy motherhood. They both will see their child grow up, like us. They'll send her to school, they'll watch her when she becomes a teenager, they'll cry when she graduates high school. They'll smile when she walks down the aisle. And finally after a beautiful life, they'll grow old together."

"They'll be happy?" Edward questioned me, just to confirm it. I grinned at him.

"oh honey, you can bet on it" We both laughed together. I placed my hand on his neck and forced him to bend it so I could kiss him.

And that's exactly how Alice found us; with my hands in Edward's hair and Edward's hand in my…err… special place.

"EWWWW! MY EYES! THEY BURN!" Alice screamed, her hands placed upon her eyes.

"ALICE!" Edward and I both screamed in sync, moving away from each other and fixing our clothing.

"Gosh, could you lay it off for this day? Seriously, you both act like freaking horny teenagers all the time."

"It's not like I haven't found you in a compromising positions with Jasper before." Edward scowled and Alice stuck her tongue out at him.

"Come on now, you all need to be in you place. Edward and Bella, you both need to sit down. The ceremony is about to start in 5 minutes and 37 seconds. I need to make sure Marissa is ready and then tell Jacob to hurry the hell up." Alice rushed out. She turned around to the door

"Don't just stand there, go!" She yelled in her pixie like voice and rushed out the room.

"You know for someone who claims to see the future, she has terrible timing." I whispered over to Edward. He grinned.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

"It was a beautiful wedding" I whispered to Edward as we slowed dance. My head rested on his chest.

"It was." He agreed.

All around us, couples were dancing together. Alice and Jasper were twirling around the dance floor gracefully while Rosalie and Emmet danced slowly in the corner. Esme and Carlisle were talking to guests at some table, bright smiles on their face.

But, everybody's focus was on the beautiful couple who danced in the middle. Marissa and Jacob. They both looked beautiful. Marissa in her tight, white, body hugging dress and Jacob in his dark Tuxedo. Her head was rested on his massive chest and he was holding her delicately in his arms. They looked so happy together.

Suddenly Marissa looked up, her bright blue eyes catching me. She looked up at Jacob and whispered something to him. He nodded and smiled. Jacob offered her his arm, which she held on to tightly with a blush. They both slowly made their way towards us.

When they came near us, Marissa lunged at me, wrapping her hands tightly around my shoulders.

A breath that I didn't know I had been holding left my body and I hugged her back tightly, making sure not to crush her.

"You look so beautiful" I whispered in her ear and kissed her cheek. She pulled away from me, bright tears in her eyes.

"Thank you" She said softly, still holding onto to me. I smiled, letting my own eyes fill with dry tears.

"Without you, I wouldn't be here. You've cared for me my whole life as if I was your own daughter. You've given me all that I ever needed. You've loved me like I needed to be loved. Thank you." Marissa said, her tears leaking from her eyes.

If I were human, I would've been bawling my eyes out at this moment. Marissa and I had grown a very special relationship. After Edward brought me home the night he realized that I was Bella, I hadn't known what to expect from Marissa.

I remember clearly how she had attacked me, just like she did today, when I had first walked through the doors. She had hugged me tight and had told me that she loved me. And from that day forward, she had become my daughter. I loved her just as much as I loved Edward and we had become out own little family.

Tanya leaving had affected Marissa and she missed her dearly. But, after a while Marissa had grown to forget about her biological mother. I still couldn't believe that Tanya could leave her own child behind; in the last 20 years we hadn't seen or gotten a call from her. Marissa had accepted the fact that her mother was never coming back. Now, I was the only mother she had ever known.

"Thank you for letting me love you, thank you for letting me be a part of your life" I told her, smiling.

"I love you." Marissa said and then buried her face in my neck. I patted her hair.

"You'll always be my daughter" I said to her and then brought her face up. I kissed her forehead softly, just like I used to when she was a little girl and had nightmares.

"Did you completely forget about your daddy?" Edward asked from the side, his golden eyes shining.

Marisa laughed and hugged him tightly, her arm resting on his chest. Edward put his arms around her, realizing that she has no longer his little daughter. She was no longer Marissa Isabella Cullen, no she was now Mrs. Marissa Black- a married woman.

To give Edward and Marissa some private time I looked over to Jacob who was awkwardly standing near the side, his hands shoved in his tuxedo pocket. I moved towards my son- in- law and stood in front of him.

"May I ask you to dance?" I asked him, holding out my hand to him.

"Certainly" he replied, grinning. He took my hand and led me to the dance floor where we swayed to the music slowly.

"Marissa really loves you" I told him softly. He smiled.

"As I love her" he replied. They were a perfect match for each other, I couldn't have wanted a better son in law.

"Can I ask you something?" Jacob asked, his brown eyes boring into mine. I nodded slowly.

"What is your and Edward's relationship with Marissa?" I immediately stiffened. I knew one day he would ask us this and had always dreaded it.

"We're her siblings of course. Esme and Carlisle adopted her-" He cut me off.

"No, I want a true answer. I know that all of you are… different. You say that you're younger than Marissa but, act as if you've lived through a century. You say you're her younger sister but, act as if you're her mother" Jacob said.

I swallowed. Marissa was human but, she obviously knew all about vampires. All of us knew that Jacob would of course wonder about our whole family. Marissa was pretending to be Carlisle and Esme's oldest adopted daughter but, she only looked about 8 years younger than them. We didn't care what other people thought of us since we moved every 5 years but, Jacob would be stuck with us for a long time.

"I know you all are different and really I don't even care. I don't care what you are or who you are. I just want to know more about Marissa. She won't tell me anything about her family." Jacob said, his voice light.

"Jacob…we _are_ different, our whole family. I cant tell you much but, I'm sure you'll figure it out over the years. The only thing that I can tell you is that yes, Marissa is mine and Edward's daughter" I told him truthfully. I decided that I could trust him.

Jacob just nodded, like he already knew. I really liked this boy; I could tell that we'd get along great. He didn't ask me anymore question about me, which I was thankful for.

I looked to my right and saw Edward and Marissa dancing together. Edward's head snapped up as if he could sense me. He smiled at me softly, making my frozen heart melt. Edward then looked at his son-in-law and his smile faded. A scowl took over his face and he looked away.

"He doesn't like me." I heard Jacob sigh. I laughed.

"He hates any man who dares even smile at Marissa and you just married her. His coldness is expected." I told him, smiling.

"What can I do to make him like me?" Jacob asked me, pleading. I chuckled.

"Edward Cullen is a mystery that is better not revealed." I said and Jacob sighed but, he was smiling.

I saw Edward and Marissa making their way towards us. Marissa was smiling wide, her eyes trained on Jacob. She looked at him like he was the sun to her dark night.

"Can I cut in?" Edward asked Jacob. Jacob released me immediately and took Marissa in his hands before twirling her away from us, a bright smile on his face.

"Do you trust me?" Edward asked me, a childish smile on his face.

"I married you, didn't I?" I laughed.

"Then come on" He said, still smiling.

Edward took my hand in his and led me to the hidden gazebo behind the ferns. We sat on the benches, wrapped around each other.

"Are you happy?" Edward asked me. I smiled.

"I'm on cloud nine" I told him truthfully. He kissed my neck softly, making yet another shiver run up my spine.

"Did I tell you just how beautiful you look this fine evening?" He asked, kissing my jaw now, dangerously close to my lips.

"I think you may have mentioned that once." I giggled when he softly bit the skin near my lip.

"Mhmmm… I had to resist punching Jacob's groomsmen today" Edward said, kissing the side of my mouth. My hands were on his neck.

"And why is that?" I asked him, my hands making this way up his hair.

"You should have heard the inappropriate thoughts they were thinking about you." Edward growled and I giggled.

"If they only knew that I was the same age as their grandmother" I let my fingers roam around his wild hair.

"You would make a very sexy old lady" Edward murmured and I laughed out loud.

"Sexy old ladies turn you on?" I asked him and Edward smiled goofily before kissing me right on the mouth.

"Definitely" he said against my lips.

We kissed then. I let his hands roam all over my body. I sat on his lap, my hands running up his abs. we were kissing passionately when we were interrupted yet again.

"You were right Alice-" Emmett boomed out. "-They do act like sex-driven teenagers"

Edward and I immediately separated. Edward quickly buttoned up his tuxedo shirt and I hastily fixed my dress, making sure that no important parts were hanging out.

"You all need to stop barging in like this" Edward hissed out.

"Hey, it's not our fault you guys go at it every second of the day" Alice said, shrugging her delicate shoulders.

Alice danced in the gazebo with Japer, sitting crossed legged on his lap. Rosalie walked in gloriously and sat near me, Emmet following her.

"What are you all doing here anyways?" I asked them, still embarrassed.

"I got bored of just sitting around with humans. All they ever do is crack bad jokes and eat." Emmet said and Rosalie thwacked his head.

"Marissa's a human, you fool" She said to him.

"But, she's cool." Emmet whined, rubbing the part where Rosalie had just slapped him. I smiled at their interaction. They were too funny.

"Marissa's inside, changing for her honeymoon. I thought I would let you both know so would stop whatever you were doing and say goodbye" Alice said, snuggling against Jasper.

"Alice, if I ever hear you say my daughter's name and the word honeymoon in the same sentence, I swear to god I will burn down your closet" Edward threatened Alice.

"You try that and I will burn down you stupid Volvo" Alice retorted.

"I-" Edward was cut off.

"God Edward, grow up. She's a woman now, she has _needs_." Rosalie said and Edward glowered at her.

"Yeah Eddie boy. She'll finally be able to express her _needs_ tonight, without worrying that you might overhear." Emmet said, grinning like an idiot. Edward was going to murder him.

"Shut up Emmet!" Edward screamed. I was trying to hard not to laugh.

"Her _needs_ will finally be full-filled-" Emmet started to say but, Alice but him off.

"Oh, please. Her _needs_ have already been met quite satisfyingly." Alice said, a mischievously smile on her face. We all tuned to look at her.

"Congratulations. Jacob is the father of your 10 week year old grandchild who's currently attached to Marissa's womb" Alice informed us.

All was quite was a second. I prepared myself. 3…2…1…

"THAT BASTARD KNOCKED UP MY DAUGHTER!"

* * *

**Whaaaa? I thought I said the story was done? Well, I was reading over the last chapter again and I felt like something was missing. So after a year, I decided to write an Epilogue. I hope you all enjoyed it. This was the last chapter of Silent Tears- ever- and there will not be a squeal or anything to this. Thanks for all the support! I love you all!**

**Anyways, I started to write a new story called Beautifully Broken.**

**If you're bored and want to read something new check out my new story. It's different from anything I've ever written and I love it! Check it out! **


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